MARRS, MAVERICKS AND MAIR DESPAIR

All right minded people celebrated when Apartheid was dismantled in South Africa, only for Bonetti to re-introduce his version of separate development at Dens.

It was particularly noticeable at the open day in July 2000, as the new signings were paraded, lapping the track in separate groups from the home lads. The Marrs had dispensed with Cowboy and Jocky. Grady and Boyack had exited stage door left, but the Dees fans turned out in their thousands (2,500), as the new look side opened their account under Bonetti at a sunny Fir Park.

For spells of the game, Bonetti’s Blues looked a disjointed outfit; however, several examples of individual brilliance gave us a 2-0 win. Caballero’s pace was electrifying and “Harry” Artero’s solo goal with a couple of minutes to go was absolutely top drawer.

I came out of the ground bang on time for the 200 mile journey south and bumped into Jaimsie Grady and Steven Boyack who had sat amongst the Dundee fans. Both were raving about Harry’s wonder goal and Grady was looking forward to his competitive debut for Ayr (should have stayed there!). I was at the Grove with Steven’s dad Dave who captained our school team and played for Arbroath and Raith. Dave was a keen Dees fan and Steven was uncharacteristically bitter about Bonetti’s decision to offload him.

The following week two penalties and an own goal against the Paraletics and we were tap o’ the Premier for the first time since the opening day in1975, when we had cuffed the sheep 3-2 and everyone else had drawn

Then we were faced with the wrath of the referees. It started at Easter Road, as Cabo was kicked all over the place, before retaliating and being red carded. And then he came and scored. I am, of course talking about the great Caniggia. I was unable to make his debut at Aberdeen, but was sitting in the front row of the Coxy with my dad and son Ryan, as the bird beautifully chipped the ‘Well’ keeper right in front of us to reduce the deficit to 2-1.

My favourite game that season though was played at Rugby Park on a dirty dreich December day, when Caniggia was across in the Argentinean courts seeking unpaid wages from Boca. Dundee were simply outstanding that day – Rae, Carranza, Milne, Nemsadze and the gaffer himself played out of their soaked skins. Incredibly, the Dee went 2-0 down to a couple of exceptional Killie goals, despite almost entirely dominating the game. Then Bonetti and Milne with 2 (in his first SPL 90 minutes) took the points back to civilisation and around 600 Dees fans made the noise of 6,000.

There were other moments of class that season, Cabos double at Parkheid and the annialation of the Dabs, but Dundee tamely limped out of both cups and, in another deluge at Dunfermline, we were reduced to lumping high balls at Caniggia in a weird 5-0-1- formation ; (i.e.- missing out midfield, with at least four players looking totally disinterested). A number of fans in the 3,000 strong Dundee away support (myself included) made their feelings known with a chorus of boos. A lad behind me took exception to this and invited me to watch United. You can imagine my unprintable response!

Nevertheless, we still managed to celebrate creeping into the top six, with crackers from the dancing Georgian and Cabo (who was coming back from injury) up in furry boot toon. Talking of Cabo’s injuries, I believe that he was never quite the same after that criminal sandwich tackle at Dens from De Vos and some other Tangerine nonentity.

Sara was another who rarely reproduced his early sparkle and he seemed more interested in leaving Dundee than scoring for them. (may his god go with him).

So, as the wage bill soared, the Dee slumped to 8^th in Ivano’s second season. Claudio was off to the Govan Gestapo and again, we slipped out of the cup competitions without a whimper and Bonetti then claimed we owed him a million, presumably for the upkeep on his ego. It certainly wasn’t appearance money, as during his last few months at Dens, sightings of Ivano were as rare as hen’s teeth.

So the Marrs reckoned it was time for a PR job and the return of Jim Duffy brought a new contacts book into play, although it was never going to be as exotic, or as expensive as his Italian predecessors.

Ivano wasn’t the only casualty in 2002, as ITV digital also went down the pan, but not before they had organised and broadcast, “Do I not Know that/” a quiz show for supporters with 3 players and 2 subs from 108 league clubs in England and Scotland.

I got an email from Website supremo Davey Young, inviting me to represent Dundee (mainly because I lived within 25 miles of Granada Studios!) and, in October 2001, we joined Hibs, Dunfermline, Coventry, West ham, Blackpool, Chesterfield and Rushden & Diamonds in our group. Unrehearsed and unfamiliar with the format, we immediately entrenched ourselves at the foot of the table, losing heavily to Chesterfield and Coventry – before storming back to mid table respectability, by cuffing the Hammers and the Pars. In our third game, we edged out Swansea and the Hibees, but still needed an unlikely 35 points against Blackpool and Rushden to pip Dunfermline for second place. We got 36 and the poor Fifers were aghast as we phoned them in their north bound minibus to make sure they got the good news.

El Capitan Bob Laird was an all round stalwart (well, I’ve got to say that – this is his website! Davey Young and “Coach” Dave Elder also played a starring role and I managed to pull in a good few points, particularly in the specialist anorak rounds.

The camaraderie between the teams, especially us Jocks – was superb. We were holed up in a Manchester hotel the night before each Sunday filming and the alcohol flowed. Being Dundonians, we knew how to drink, but it is strongly rumoured that it was the Hibs bar bill, which finally sent ITV Digital into receivership! In a break in filming, we were out in the yard having an impromptu singsong directed at big Willie fae Fife on the lines of, “It’s Willy with a Y, when a uniformed commissionaire came across and asked us very nicely if we could keep the noise down as they were trying to film an episode of Coronation Street. Ach, we could have livened it up a bit!

Big “Willy” also directed a superb put down to the young upstarts representing West Ham. They went around boasting, “We’re from the Capital, where the queen lives”. To which Willy the Fifer replied, “Aye, and I’m fae a Kingdom.”

They never quite got it, but everybody else did. Loud laughter was raised again when ex Brookie quizmaster Simon O’Brien introduced one of the Hibees as Alec Tart, instead of Alec Tait, a nickname for posterity. So we were down to 36 teams and we were drawn against the competition’s ultra no fun swats – Wimbeldon and also a certain DUFC. No we didn’t qualify for the last 8 and didn’t beat the eventual winners, but yes – we did cuff United by the narrowest of margins, with yours truly slotting home the clincher on the last question, “Who did Real Madrid beat in the first ever European Cup final.” Yes, you all knew it, Stadt de Rheims.

2002 was also a year of personal grief, as in November my dad passed away. He had introduced to football and to fair play, all these years ago taking me to watch both Dundee and United in the late fifties. He was one of the last true supporters of both Dundee teams and nothing gave him greater pleasure than for either one of us to cuff the Old Firm – particularly Rangers. He had a pensioner’s season ticket in the George Fox in latter years and came to Dens whenever I was up. His last game there was the 2-1 defeat of Hibs on August 24th.

In April 2003, we saw one of the best goals scored at Dens in recent years, by the son of the late great Andy Penman. Around 30 yards out he trapped and flicked the ball up in one movement, steadied it in the air, before despatching a beauty in the top corner at the Shanks end. This was in front of a crowd of around 300 during the Football Aid Charity Dundee Home v Away game. This was a day when the fans turned out in the colours on the park. I played for the away team and we were supplemented by Dens legends Bobbie Glennie and Stevie Campbell. As the oldest man on the park, I naturally adopted the box to box lung bustin’ role and lasted until half way through the second half, when my right Achilles tendon finally gave out chasing a through ball from Stevie. Still, we won 6-4.

Even as we played out dreams on the hallowed turf, the debts were piling high at Dens and the Marrs were preparing a last desperate throw of the dice – Di Stef.

Mad Bob McCallum (fae Mid), had already paused momentarily from his Mormon rantings to boast that he would be investing heavily in the Dees – perhaps up to 100 Million, before the nice nurse came to give him his medicine.

Di Stef was talking much lower at 26 Million, but due to the weight of unsavoury baggage he brought with him, his offer was put on the back burner.

Meanwhile, we had a Cup Final to play and, the semi against ICT excepted, we had played some decent football in disposing of the Harry’s, the Bairns and the Sheep Nemsadze in particular had been outstanding. I came up a few days before the final and took part in a supporters quiz in the Bank bar. Talking of sheep, the Aberdeen Dees with Kenny Ross and Davey Young included, scooped first place. I was part of the Dee-licious team with Rod Miller-Kelly and co and we had to settle for joint second.

The final itself was a class day out. Pints in Drouthy Neebours from half nine in the morning, then through to some schemie bar in Rutherglen before the gemme. Still, any pub full of Dees on the razzle is a top venue. Oh Barry, if only the paint on the post hadn’t been quite so thick, the good guys would have won for a change. Back in civilisation, we sat down to celebrate and remind ourselves that the Dee were back in Europe.

I never made it to Vllaznia, or Italia, but was in the Centenary before we played the Albanians at Dens and the bar was full of Dundee weel kent worthies. So we all had a go at predicting the score. I went for 4-0 and Gav and co duly delivered – a classic night.

I was also in the Centenary before the game against the Arabs at Tannadump in August 2003. This was during the height of the wages spree, with Rava and Burley having just been added to the burden. Il Fascista himself was playing mind games with the Marrs, as the club headed for oblivion.

However, this latest round of doom and gloom was mere rumour at this point and the fans were in great voice in the bar, with one solitary Utd lad in the middle, with a huge grin on his face, twirling his scarf in the air in a sea of dark blue. (It could only happen in Dundee)

My round was next and, quick service taking the vote over atmosphere, we headed along to the Clep. Being a mainly Tangerine watering hole it was much quieter and the only impediment to reaching the bar was a United fan in an electric wheelchair who was motoring up and down between the tables.

Having procured the bevy, at great risk to life and limb we sat down beside a couple of Arabs who had been watching the performance.

“Has he got a Friggin’ licence for that machine” I asked.

“Don’t worry about him”, was the reply, “it’s nuthin’ to do with the colour of your shirts, he tries to run abody doon” – Priceless!

We absolutely murdered United one all that day, keeping up a fine tradition of underachievement. Oh for a trophy and more European football! Although, at least we are still in existence and the Dee for Life trust, Jim Duffy and the players who stayed loyal deserve a great deal of credit. Aye, those who didn’t go to the likes of Stockport for ‘Mair’ money.

Talking of credit, the bankers brought on mair despair and almost succeeded in turning a crisis into a burial. What with the insistence of moving to Tannadump and an imposed Season ticket and admission policy pricing the club out of the market, they have done their best to kill us off. This is what happens when one lot of bankers put us at the mercy of another set and gave us Neil Barrett in midfield instead of the dancing Georgian.

I have been watching the Dee now for 47 years and have seen some great players, some honest journeymen and a few right duds. Carl Bertlesen, Vince Mennie, Frankie the Iceman to name a few of the latter, but I am going to end this seventh and final part of Peh, by naming an eleven – plus 5 subbies, whom I believe would make the best and most effective line up from the entire period.

Here it is 4-3-3; Brown, Hamilton, Ure, Cowie, Cox, Strachan, Nemsadze, Gabriel, Campbell, Wallace and Gilzean. On the bench – Allan, Duffy, Murray, Cooke and Jocky Scott.

And so to Dens, where else? For the Pars gemme. Cabo second time round and maybes the new Brazilian as well – aye for the last three minutes.

Dundee till eh deh.

Andy Boyack