The Horses handbook!! 
1- SNORTING: Humans like to be snorted on. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family
horse, to accommodate them.
2- NEIGHING: Because you are a horse, you are expected to neigh. So neigh - a lot.
Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting the yard and communicating
with other horses. Especially very late at night.
3- STOMPING CATS: When tied up, make sure you never --- quite --- stomp on the yard
cat's tail. But keep stomping.
4- CHEWING: Make a contribution to the architectural industry.... chew on your stall
wall, the fence or any other wooden item.
5- BEDDING: It is good manners to urinate in the middle of your freshly bedded stable
to let your humans know how much you appreciate their hard work.
6- DINING: Always pull all of your hay out of the hay rack, especially right after your
stable has been cleaned, so you can mix the hay with your fresh bedding. This
challenges your human, the next time they're cleaning your stable - and we all know
how humans love a challenge (that's what they said when they bought you as a two-
year-old, right?).
7- DOORS: Any door, even partially open, is an opportunity for you and your human
to exercise. Bolt out of the door and trot around, just out of reach of your human,
who will happily chase you. The longer it goes on, the more fun it is for all involved.
8- HOLES: Rather than pawing and digging a big hole in the middle of the paddock or
stable and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over. They won't notice
this if you carefully arrange little piles of dirt. There are never enough holes in the
ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.
9- GROUND MANNERS: Ground manners are very important to humans; break as much
ground in and around the barn as possible. This lets the ground know who's boss, and
impresses your human.
10- NUZZLING: Always take a BIG drink from your water bucket immediately before
nuzzling your human. Humans prefer clean muzzles. Be ready to rub your head on
the area that you just nuzzled to dry it off, too.
11- PLAYING: If you lose your footing while frolicking in the paddock, use one of the
other horses to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself. Then the other horse will
get a visit from the mean old' vet, not you!
12- VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of horses. Rock back and forth
whilst tied up, neighing loudly and pawing playfully at this person. If the human backs
away and starts crying, advance swiftly, stamp your feet, and neigh louder to show
your concern.
FAMOUS QUOTES:
Work horse- I've been working ever since I bought these horses - Richard Switzer.
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others - George Orwell.
And God took a handful of wind. He blew his breath over it and so was created the
horse - Bedouin Legend describing the Arab
Live to ride, Ride to Live - or die. All else is wasted.
Tell a Gelding, Ask a Mare and discuss it over with a Stallion
If you look at the ground, you will end up on the ground.
Wild oats aren't for sowing, but they make a nice trail snack!!
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