Inner Secret
A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital
in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains.
X-rays showed that she was
carrying a 20-inch long skeleton of a foetus,
which she conceived a decade earlier.
It had become lodged outside the womb
and was never expelled from her body.
Couch Potato
A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in the hospital.
During the examination,
an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit,
a dime was found under one of her breasts,
and a remote control was found lodged between
the folds of her vulva.
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Bloody Hell!
A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency
room covered in bloody restaurant towels.
The man had his around his waist,
and the woman had hers around her head.
They eventually explained to doctors
that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner.
Overcome with passion,
the woman crept under the table to administer
oral sex to the man.
While in the act, she had an epileptic seizure,
which caused her to clamp down on the man's
member and wrench it from side to side.
In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork
and stabbed her in the head until she let go.
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NOT Finger Licking!
A 50-year-old woman was brought into a New York emergency
room complaining of abdominal pains.
During an examination,
doctors found that the woman's labia
were pinned together with old safety pins.
Further inside, they found the dismembered body of a chicken.
The woman explained that she inserted the chicken pieces,
convinced that they would grow into a baby.
Sex Education
A Californian doctor examining a young woman with
abdominal pains asked her if she was sexually active.
She said that she wasn't.
A later examination showed that she was pregnant.
Asked why she said that she was not sexually active,
the woman replied "I'm not, I just lie there."
When asked if she knew who the father was,
with a puzzled look she replied,
"No. Who?"
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Blind Drunk
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER
complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses.
He said that they would come out halfway,
but they always popped back in.
A nurse tried to help using a suction pump,
but without success.
Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered that
the man did not have his contact lenses in at all.
He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
Spud-U-Like
An old woman in a North Carolina ER
complained of green vines growing from her vagina.
Investigation revealed a large potato trapped in her womb.
The woman then suddenly remembered that she had inserted
two weeks previously, because she thought that
her uterus was falling out.
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Like a rat up a...
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis.
He complained that his wife had "a rat in her pussy"
and it bit him during sex.
After an examination of his wife,
it was revealed that she had a surgical needle
left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.
Custers Last
A Cambridge man hobbled into the ER complaining
of a permanent erection.
He admitted to doctors that while on holiday in Cuba,
he frequented many brothels,
and in one he was given some erectile cream to keep him hard.
(ALL of the above from Jim S)
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