The Master takes a hands-on approach.
Customer: Hey, I've got a problem. Are you listening to me? Are you
even awake? Hello? I've got a problem.
Zen-Master: One moment while I contemplate the infinite.
Customer: But you're playing tetris?
Zen-Master: The ant looks, but it does not see. What is the nature
of this so-called problem?
Customer: Look, I've got a problem, okay? Can you just come and
help? Now?
Zen-Master: Truly you may be said to have a problem. But I despair
of solving it. Let us examine the symptoms.
Customer: See, it doesn't work. I type and nothing happens.
Zen-Master: Truly a puzzling situation. Tell me, unlearned one,
what does it say on the mystic screen?
Customer: It says "please insert the disk: Untitled". But what's
wrong?
Zen-Master: My son, have you chanced to remove a disk from the
drive?
Customer: Yes
Zen-Master: And have you chosen to favour this disk with a name?
Customer: Um, no.
Zen-Master: Let us then insert this disk, in the hope that the
hunger of the computer may be satisfied.
Customer: Okay, if you say so. Hey, it works!
Zen-Master: Truly, your comprehension is beyond understanding.
(5 minutes pass)
Customer: Hi, it's me again! Remember?
Zen-Master: The memory is as a blade in my soul.
Customer: Can you come and help me? It's stopped working again.
Zen-Master: And did it in any way indicate distress?
Customer: Well, it did say something on the screen.
Zen-Master: Tell me, grasshopper, what it happens to say on the
screen.
Customer: You know, the damn thing said the same as last time.
Zen-Master: And did you insert the disk?
Customer: No. Should I try that?
Zen-Master: The fool must be beaten with a stick, for an
intelligent person the merest hint is sufficient.
Customer: Yeah, well. I'll try it anyway. Hey! It worked!
(5 more minutes go by)
Customer: Hey buddy?
Zen-Master: It is a fool who walks unknowing over the abyss.
Customer: Look, cut the poetry. I've got a problem. Come and help.
Zen-Master: You have followed the mystic rituals?
Customer: It just doesn't work. Fix it.
Zen-Master: The ox complains not of its burden. Am I less than an
ox?
Customer: See. Nothing I type comes up.
Zen-Master: Truly a vexing problem. A most strenuous solution is
called for. Let us perform the ritual of re-boot.
Customer: What's that?
Zen-Master: Some things one may not know.
Customer: Hey, what's that whirring noise?
Zen-Master: Tell me, my son. Did you try to fix the computer?
Customer: Yes.
Zen-Master: Ah! And did you try to fix it by sating its hunger?
Customer: Yeah, so?
Zen-Master: And was there not already a disk in the drive when you
tried this?
Customer: Yeah, but that's what we did before.
Zen-Master: One does not achieve enlightenment by copying the
actions of the master.
Customer: Cut the crap. I'm working on something that's due in in
an hour and the damn computers keep breaking down. Can you begin to do
your job and make sure that nothing else goes wrong?
Zen-Master: For the master, all things are possible.
Customer: Well do it then. God knows, we're paying enough for all
of crap. And for your salary.
Zen-Master: I will prevent further problems.
Customer: Well about damn time! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!
(sound of the Master drawing a hatchet from beneath his robes and chopping off the customer's hand at the wrist, then picking it up and stuffing it into the luser's mouth)
Customer: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH And the luser was enlightened.
[Mark Holloway]
Zen-Master: The problem will not recur.