FIRST MUMMER;
RUMER
Room a Room my gallant boys,
Pray give us room to rhyme;
We come to show you activity
about this Christmas time:
We act of young we act of age
Such acting you have never seen upon a common stage.
If you don’t believe what I say call in Devil Doubt and he will soon clear the way.

Devil Doubt enters.

Devil Doubt
Here comes I Devil Doubt with my shirttail out.
Seven yards in and eleven yards out.
Money I want and money I crave.
If you don’t give me money I will sweep you all into your grave.
And if you don’t believe what I say call in the Sheriff of Kilmacrennan and he will soon clear the way.

The Sheriff Of Kilmacrennan
Here comes I the Sheriff of Kilmacrennan.
Your rent and taxes you don’t pay your cattle I will pound
and if no cattle at your door your feathery flock I will take.
I will seize your goose and gander and grab your duck and drake.
I earn my pay honestly I am no cheat or fraud.
And if I were to die tomorrow there would be thousands for my job.
And if you don’t believe what I say call in Jack Straw and he will soon clear the way.

Enter Jack Straw.

Jack Straw
Here comes I Jack Straw such a man you never saw.
Through a rock through a reel through an old spinning wheel.
Through a bag of feathers through a sheep’s shank bone.
Such a man you never saw.

Enter Gelotain (Warrior).

Gelotain
Here comes I Gelotain.
Gelotain is my name and with my sword and pistol I am going to win the game.

Jack Straw
The game sir, the game sir, it is not within your power for I will cut you up in inches in less than half an hour.

Gelotain
Take out your sword and try it sir.

There follows a fight and Jack Straw is mortally wounded

Gelotain
A doctor, a doctor! Is there a doctor anywhere in the house?

Enter Doctor Brown.

Doctor Brown.
Here comes I auld Doctor Brown the best wee doctor in the town.

Gelotain.
Have you travelled far doctor?

Doctor Brown
Upper Purt Lower Purt Casey and Kildarragh and I never met my match until I came to Crucknafarragh.

Gelotain
Anywhere else doctor?

Doctor
To the Moores of Cashel and the Bucks of Kill Hill, the rogues of Fanad and the fishermen of Rosguill

Gelotain
And who have you cured doctor?

Doctor
I cured a man from Derryreel who ate the spokes out of a bicycle wheel. I cured a man from Carrigart who ate the spokes out of a Donkey cart. I cured a man from Hornhead who ate the blankets off the bed.

Gelotain
And what is your cure doctor?

Doctor
The liver of a louse the brains of a mouse and the hearts blood of a three-legged stool. Stir that all up with an auld hen’s feather. If this doesn’t cure him the Devil wont cure him. Get up Jack and play a tune

(Jack gets up completely restored and Johnny Fonny Enters).

Johnny Fonny
Here comes I Johnny Fonny I am the man who collects the money .All silver no brass bad halfpennies wont pass. Get up auld women and shake your feathers and do not think that we are blethers. We came here to show you fun and taste a piece of your Christmas bun. Christmas bun is as sweet as cheese a pound or fifty if you please.