Parenting
Contents:
1. Quality Time With Dad - Tips for Muslim fathers
2. Duties of the Muslim Mother
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1. Quality Time With Dad - Tips for Muslim fathers
t has been estimated that working fathers spend about 3 minutes a day with
their children.Fathers who abandon their families,
fathers who rarely see their children because of divorce, and fathers who are
busy and have very little or nothing to do with the raising of their children
are common.
Dad gets up early, takes the long drive to work, gets off late, takes the long drive home, and gets home very tired. He just wants to have supper, relax a little, and go to bed so that he can repeat the same routine the next day. Every now and then, he tells himself that he will spend more time with his children tomorrow.
But Muslims aren't like that, you say. Perhaps. How much time do you spend with your children in the day? Not just in the same house, but together --- really together.
"Cats in the Cradle", by Harry Chapin tells the sad story of a boy who always tries to spend time with his father, but always finds him too busy. When the boy grows up and the father gets older, the father always wants to spend time with his son, but his son always has other things to do.
Quality time spent between a father and his children is essential for both the parent and the children. The children need to know that their father loves and cares for them, and the father needs to be careful that he doesn't lose his relationship with his children by neglect.
Tips to Improve Father-Child Relationship
There are several ways a father can spend quality time with his children and develop a relationship with them. Even if he is extremely busy, he can probably free up enough time to do some of these things.
1. Show your children in simple ways that you love them.
Some fathers try to appeal to their children by showering them with gifts
rather than giving of themselves. This may cause more harm than good. The
simple example of Prophet Muhammad(sallallahu
alaiyhi wassallam) is
much better. When his daughter Fatima (May Allah be pleased with her) would
come to him, the Prophet(sallallahu
alaiyhi wassallam) used
to stand up, kiss her, take her hand, and give her his seat. Later in life,
this personal type of affection will be much more memorable to children than receiving
a gift that anyone could have given them.
2. Tell or read your children stories on some nights before bed.
There are lots of excellent Islamic stories and books available that you
can use, or you can make up your own. A twist on this idea is to ask your
children to make up stories to tell you.
3. Teach your children to make wudu and pray
with you
If at home, praying together as a family- Jamat(congregation) is
better than praying alone. Children love to call azan. Make the youngest one
the salat manager at home, taking care of prayer
rugs, timing, and inviting everyone to salat.
4. Take your children to the masjid with you
Once your child is old enough to know how to
behave in the masjid, this is an excellent way for
you to build a relationship with them as both a father and a Muslim.
5. Play with your children
You could play ball, color pictures, build toy
houses from blocks, or do whatever they like.
6. Let your children help you with simple tasks
Allow them to help you carry in the groceries,
make dinner, or mow the yard. Children often get great joy from doing things that adults consider work.
7. Take the family to for a picnic
Spend time with your children playing Frisbee, passing a ball, or pushing
them in the swings. Your children will cherish this special time together as a
family.
8. Help your children with their homework
Show them that you are truly interested in their education and life by
asking them what they did in school and looking at their books, projects, and
assignments with them.
9. Have regular meals as a family
It is very important that the family get together
and have meals, so they may talk about each others days and issues.
10. Use driving time with your children
Don't just turn on the news and forget your children when they are in the
car with you. Talk or joke with them, or sing Islamic songs together.
11. Give your small children a bath sometimes
Usually, mothers bathe the children, but bath time
is an excellent opportunity for fathers to be with their kids. Let them splash
around and play a little more than mum does.
12. Be available for your children
Let them know that you are there for anything they want to discuss. If you
are not available to talk to your children, somebody else probably will be, and
it may be the wrong kind of person. A good way of getting to know your children
better as individuals is to take them out one at a time for eating,
conversation, or some other event.
13. Practice talking with your child, not at him/her
Since the father often takes the main responsibility
for disciplining the children, it is very easy for fathers to merely become
order-givers rather than parents and companions of their children. Spend some
time listening, rather than talking.
We only have one chance to be with our kids before they grow up. If we want them to love us and respect us when we are old, we have to build those relationships while they are young.
Fathers usually don't have the time to devote to their
children that mothers do. But if we make the little time we have with our
children quality time, we still might be able to build enduring relationships
with them before it's too late.
By Ibrahim Bowers
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2. Duties of the Muslim Mother
The primary duty of the
Muslim mother is to make every effort to persuade her children to abide by the
teaching of the Holy Qur'aan and the Sunnah of our Holy Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Many are the more religiously-inclined girls,
especially those who have enjoyed a modern education, who read the Qur'aan, Hadeeth and other
Islamic literature as if these were merely some noble, abstract philosophy. Not
for a moment would it occur to them to abandon such wrong habits as habitually
attending dirty films at the cinema, listening to vulgar songs over the radio
and singing them (sometimes even in sleep) automatically or going out to mixed
social functions in tight, immodest dress. Muslim mothers should tell their
adolescent daughters and sons that just because all their friends at school or
college are doing these things, they do not become right! Muslim women must
read the Holy Qur'aan and Hadeeth
so that instructions are practically implemented in their everyday lives. Too
many Muslim households keep their copy of the Holy Qur'aan
wrapped up in a beautiful silken cover on a high shelf merely to gather dust.
How these hundreds of thousands of idle Qur'aans must
be making their silent plea: "Oh take me out! Read me! Obey
me!"
Mothers are accustomed to reading in women's magazines that they must simply accept
the violent rebellion of their young against long-established moral and
religious values, their foolish obnoxious behaviour,
their irresistable attraction for the trivial and
frivolous, their utter contempt for all that is "traditional" and
their impatience for revolutionary "change" - that is Western-style
atheism and materialism - as a kind of inherent biological fact of modern
adolescence and youth and that nothing can be done about it except abjectly
resigning oneself to the prevailing trends. This is utterly fallacious. There
is nothing inevitable about this, much less are all efforts to resist so absolutely hopeless as modern propaganda would have us
believe. Our youth are naturally reacting to what they have been taught in
their homes, in their schools and colleges and what they read, hear and see in
the mass-media. If these are taught the Islamic way instead of the Western way,
they would feel, think and behave entirely differently. In creating the
essential transformation, the woman, as the decisive influence upon her growing
child, can perform a crucial role.
Islamic teaching on purdah demand that the women
lives in privacy and dignity, and spend most of her time at home, only going
out when compelled by necessity or perhaps occasional visits to relatives or
female friends. The best influence a mother can exert on her growing children
is to set a good personal example. A mother who is always diligent in her
household tasks, caring for, supervising and disciplining her children and who
keeps busy with Salaat, Qur'aan
readings and other virtuous works provides the most favourable
Islamic atmosphere for the young child which will greatly help off-settle
multitudes of undesirable influences he will encounter outside the home as he
grows up. Mothers should start Islamic education for their children at the
earliest age. The Hadeeth tells us of children of the
Sahabah who were reciting the Holy Qur'aan even before they were weaned! As soon as a baby
begins to speak, he should be taught the Kalimah, and
such Islamic expressions as Bismillah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar, Insha-Allah, Masha-Allah, etc. and as soon as he is able to stand and
walk, he should be encouraged to imitate her (as all toddlers love to do) when
she is saying her Salaat. When children reach the age
of seven, mothers should insist that they say their Salaat
regularly and punish them after the age of ten if they fail to do so. Thus
children should become accustomed to performing their duties to Allah and to
their fellow-beings long before puberty. Observance of all these duties should
be performed by a simple and clear explanation of their significance according
to the age and intellectual capacity of the child. She should entertain her
young children with the thrilling deeds of the great Muslims past and present
and try to inspire them with the desire to emulate these virtues. When the
child is old enough to read, the mother should make freely available around the
house Islamic books and pamphlets appealing to children and encourage him to
read them for himself. Other children and adolescents should not only be told
not to go to dirty films at the cinema or listen to useless programmes
over radio or television but explicitly what is wrong with them. Under no
circumstances should she permit "pop" music to be heard in the house
because this is the worst possible moral influence on the children. If ever
children start singing these vulgar songs they have heard and learned from neighbour's radios and television set, she should hush them
and tell them how ashamed they should feel to be heard singing such dirt!
The Muslim mother must on no account ever consent to sending her children to Cristian missionary schools or convents where they are
totally alienated from their religious and cultural heritage although she must
realize that the Government national schools do not provide a much happier
solution. She must supplement this materialist education with instruction in
Arabic, Qur'aan and Hadeeth
from private tutors at home if she can afford it or in the mosque if she cannot
and with such Islamic training as she herself can give. She should carefully
read all her children's text-books and point out to them that much which is
taught to them is not correct and even false and evil and whatever is un-Islamic
or anti-Islamic, she should explain why it is so in the most convincing
manner.
The Muslim mother should try to make her home within her means an attractive
place. Islamic education should teach girls
cleanliness and orderliness They should not depend upon servants always to do
it for them. If she is prosperous, the Muslim housewife must be convinced of
the necessity to avoid any ostentation or wasteful spending on the home;
expensive, unnecessary, useless knick-knacks should be avoided. Artistic calligraphy
from the Qur'aan and Hadeeth
hanging on the walls of her room should serve a double purpose of decoration
and above all, the reminder that this is an Islamic home! Photographs of family
or friends should not be framed or displayed since showing these pictures is
contrary to Islamic teachings. An Islamic education should teach girls at least
rudiments of hygiene, first-aid and good nutrition, with instruction on how to
prepare tasty "Halal" meals. Most Muslim
women are so ignorant of the rules of good nutrition that they do not know how
to feed their children adequately even when the proper kinds of foods are
easily available and they can afford them!
An illiterate and apathetic woman cannot possibly counteract the anti-Islamic
influences which are harming her children day and night. Only an intelligent,
educated and enthusiastic Muslim woman can prove equal to the tasks which
confront her now.
By: Maryam
Jameelah Begum
Courtesy: Riyadul Jannah -
Volume 2 - Issue 3
Contents:
1. Tips for Dealing With Your Child's Teenage Years
2. Effective Islamic Parenting
3. 12 Tips for Childrearing
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1. Tips for Dealing With Your Child's
Teenage Years
Teenage Years: Most Difficult for the Parents
"I never asked to be born!" "Stop trying to control my
life!" "I hate you!" - These statements may be the
vocabulary of some teenagers. You thought you were over the hard
part---changing diapers and being awakened throughout the night by your crying baby,
dealing with an uncontrollable two-year old "monster," and trying to
handle a mischievous child, who was always getting into trouble at school. But
now comes the really hard part---coping with a rebellious, often rude and
obnoxious, teenager.
Muslim Parents: Not Immune from Teenage Problems
The teenage years have historically been a
difficult period for parents, with few exceptions. Struggling to find
their own place in the world, teenagers often rebel against the ways of their
parents. They want to experiment to find out what is best for them. And,
unfortunately, Muslim parents may also face many of the same problems with
their teenagers that non-Muslim families face. Muslim children can also be
tempted to drink alcohol or take drugs, be physically attracted to someone of
the opposite gender in their class, skip school, or get involved in the wrong
crowd. No doubt, it will be a traumatic experience for a Muslim family to find
out that their son or daughter is taking drugs, secretly going out on dates
with the opposite gender, or getting in trouble with the police, but it could
happen. And what if they become addicts, contract AIDS by having unmarried sex,
or become a mother or father before marriage. Our great dreams for our children
could suddenly turn into nightmares. It has happened to other Muslim families.
This is, of course, a very frightening thought for most parents. Some will
merely say that it won't happen to their Muslim child. But others will take
action and look for ways to prevent these problems or to better handle them if
they arise. Although no two families have exactly the same situation, there are
some general guidelines for dealing with Muslim teenagers that might be useful.
We should teach them from an early age about Allah, the Prophets, the Sahaba, and the great heroes of Islam. If we develop in
them a love for Islam and provide them with righteous examples for their
heroes, they will be much less likely to go astray. A person wants to be like
his heroes. If he admires the Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam), Abu Bakr, and Ali(radhiyallahu anhum), he will try
to follow their example. If he admires a rock star or a gang leader, he will
want to be like them. If we inspire our children with good examples, when they
are tempted to do wrong, they will, InshaAllah,
remember these examples and remain steadfast.
We must be very careful about our children's friends
During the teenage years, children often care more
about what their friends say than what their parents or elders say. If our
children have good, sincere, and righteous friends, the chances are good that
our children will be like them. If, on the other hand, our children hang around
with children who take drugs and get into trouble, our children will likely
take drugs and get into trouble. Therefore, it is essential from an early age
that we try to get our children involved with good children. One way to
encourage this is by regularly taking them to the masjid
or by sending them to an Islamic institution where they will have the
opportunity to meet Muslim children. If they become friends with non-Muslims,
however, we should not worry too much as long as they do not seem to be a
negative influence. Perhaps our child will influence them toward Islam. We
should be worried though if our children start hanging around with bad-mannered
and disrespectful children. We should encourage our children to participate in
wholesome religious, social, and sports activities. Bored teenagers are more
likely to look for fun and excitement in the wrong place. "Idle minds are
the devil's (shaytan's) workshop," someone once
said. If teenagers' lives are full of good and exciting things to do, they will
not have the time or the desire to get involved in bad things. If we haven't
done so already, now is a good time to start letting our children become a part
of the family decision making process If teenagers feel that they have the
right to make some of their own decisions and even to help make some of the
family's decisions, they will not feel that they have to rebel against an
oppressive family that is always telling them what to do.
We should try to channel their teenage zeal into
constructive avenues
Sometimes, teenagers begin to criticize the way of
life of their parents and society, and parents are often angered by this.
However, we must keep in mind that sometimes they may be right. Our lives and
our society are not perfect, and teenagers may have fresh insight into how to
improve them. In Living With Teenagers: A Guide for
Muslim Parents, Ruqaiyyah Waris
Maqsood writes: "Teenagers are idealists---they
want to change the world, and make it a better place. These are not bad ideals,
and it is a great pity that adults have forgotten their own ideals in the
rat-race of daily life. You, the parent, may have ended up as just a
hard-working nonentity in some quiet niche in life; a teenager who is a real
idealist may end up as a famous person, a reformer, a politician, an
aid-worker---who knows. The future lies there before them. It is therefore a
foolish parent who tries to ridicule and trample on that young idealism. If it
is consistent with Islam, it should be fervently encouraged, and not set at nought." If a teenager is idealistic and wants to
improve the world, we should encourage him and help him. If he if full of zeal
but lacks the proper direction, we should help him to use that zeal
constructively. If we get teenagers involved in helping those in need,
community projects and in working for important causes, their zeal could
make a tremendous impact.
We should sometimes admit that we are wrong
Parents make mistakes. If we admit to our children that we are wrong at times,
they will not always feel that they have to rebel against us and prove that we
are wrong.
We should listen to our children
Sometimes, children act out in order to get our
attention. If we give them our attention freely, they will not have to seek it
in destructive ways. Also, by listening to our children, there is a greater
chance that they will confide in us and ask us questions, rather than seeking
answers from negative sources.
May Allah grant us all the ability to be good parents to our children.Ameen.
"Don't touch those!" the father commands as his child plays with the dishes on a shelf at his host's house. A few seconds later, the father looks up from his conversation with his host, and his child is still playing with the dishes. "I told you not to touch those!" the child's father repeats. A few seconds later, the father looks up and sees his child still playing with the dishes. The father says nothing and continues his conversation with the host.
It happens all the time. Children are given orders, and when they don't obey, the parent simply goes back to his conversation and forgets. What should parents do in this situation? Some parents would say that we should stop the child, others that we should punish him, and others that he is "just a child," and we should not expect too much from him.
As Muslim parents, we have an obligation to bring up our children in the best manner---to teach them right from wrong and to show them what we and society expect from them.
Those who give opinions on this matter usually use the Quran or hadith to support their positions, and it may be difficult to establish, without a doubt, who is more correct. However, as parents, we either have to find the correct method to teach and discipline our children, or we at least have to come up with a valid method for teaching and disciplining our children. Definitely, we should not just "figure it out as we go" --- one time using this method and another time that one.
The following principles should be useful in establishing a childrearing method which is not too extreme.
1.Start
Early
Although many parents believe that very small children are too young to
understand, their early years are probably the most important opportunity for
parents to start them in the right direction. Once good patterns are
established, they will be easy to maintain. Once bad patterns are established,
they will be difficult to change.
2.Have
your Emotions Under Control while Instructing Children
Don't discipline your child because you are angry with him, but rather
because you want to teach him. Motive is important here. As a Muslim parent,
your motive should be to help your child.
3. Parents should Present a United Front
Parents should discuss their strategy for training and disciplining their
children and agree to work together as a team. If children realize that one
parent is strict and the other is easy, they will play the parents against each
other. When the strict parent stops them from doing something, they will go ask
the easy parent for permission. Both parents need to tell the child the same
thing. If parents sometimes disagree on how to discipline the child, they
should discuss it privately, not in front of the children.
4.Be
Consistent
Most experts on children agree that parents should be consistent. Constantly
changing the rules and expectations will only confuse your child. If you stop
him from writing on the walls today, and you allow him to write on the walls
tomorrow, he will not understand when you get angry the next time he writes on
the walls. If you inconsistently apply the rules, he/ she will also test
you at times to see whether you are going to be tough this time or easy. If, however,
he / she knows from experience that you always
stop him the first time, he / she will quickly learn it does no good to
try to get away with something. Although consistency is essential, it does not
mean that parents cannot change their minds about the rules. If you do change
the rules, however, you must inform your child in advance so that he will know
what to expect. This failure to be consistent is at the root of many parents'
inability to control their children.
5.Never
Lie to your Children
If you lie to them "every now and then," they may not believe you
when you tell them the truth. This also applies to those situations when you
tell your child to stop doing something, or you will put him in his room, spank
him, or take away his toys. If you make that kind of a threat, you must stick
with it. Otherwise, you have lied, and your child will not know when you are
serious and when you are not. He will then be forced to test you again and
again to see.
6.Don't
Reward Crying
If children realize that everytime they cry, they
get what they want, crying will become like money for them. Everytime
they want something, they will cry. On the other hand, if you teach them that
crying doesn't get them anything, they will stop crying for things. Let them
cry and cry and cry, but don't give in. In the beginning, it will be difficult,
but be patient. Once they learn the lesson and stop crying for everything, you
will be happy that you were firm. You can either listen to crying for a few
days or for the rest of your life. It's your choice.
7. Teach Your Child to Apologise
When he/she Does Something Wrong
This is important so that he will learn what is expected of him from others
and from Allah (SWT). If he does something wrong, he should ask forgiveness
from Allah (SWT) and apologise to any people who were
hurt by his words or actions. This will be useful in developing his conscience.
8. Accept your Child's Apology
Be quick to excuse your child when he apologises and
shows that he is sorry for his disobedience or bad actions. When we do wrong,
we seek forgiveness from Allah (SWT) and want to be excused. Likewise, we
should excuse others. This will develop in your child a sense of mercy and
prepare him for an understanding of the forgiveness of Allah (SWT). Always make
it clear to the child that you love him/ her, especially after he/she has
been in trouble and apologized. Let him/her understand that no bad feelings
remain.
9. Apologise For Your
Mistakes
Don't be too proud to apologise to your child when
you make mistakes. This will establish in him/her a belief in your sense of
justice and prevent him/her from viewing you as nothing but a tyrant.
10. Teach Islam From an
Early Age
Teach your child from an early age about Allah, the Prophets, the Sahaba, and the great heroes of Islam. If we develop in
them a love for Islam and provide them with righteous examples for their
heroes, they will be much less likely to go astray. A person wants to be like
his heroes. If he admires Prophet Muhammad(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam), Abu Bakr(R.A.), and
Ali(R.A.), he will try to follow their example. If he admires a rock star or a
gang leader, he will want to be like them. If we inspire our children with good
examples, when they are tempted to do wrong, they will, Insha-Allah,
remember these examples and remain steadfast.
Although I was raised as a Christian and didn't embrace Islam until I was in my 20s, I was greatly influenced by the Biblical stories of Prophets like Nuh, Ibrahim, Musa, and Isa (peace be upon them all). Although the Biblical stories were not in their pure form, they still inculcated in me a love and respect for the way of the Prophets. Although I fell into many of the temptations of youth, Alhamdulillah, I always felt something within me holding me back from going too far. While many of my friends went headlong into a highly destructive way of life, I believe that my knowledge of, and affection for, the Prophets helped me to return to a better path.
11. Instruct in Good Morals
Teach your child good morals and good manners from an early age. An excellent
book for this is Islamic Tahdhib and Akhlaq: Theory and Practice, by B. Aisha
Lemu.
12.Discipline Your Child
Discipline should not become the domain of one parent. Mothers and fathers
should both participate in the disciplining of their children. Although mothers
often threaten their children by telling them that they will get into trouble
when their father gets home, this method is not very useful for three reasons. First,
discipline should be carried out immediately after the disobedience occurs so
that the child will connect the disobedience with its consequences. If parents
wait until later, the child may have forgotten why he got into trouble, and
feel that the parents are not justified in disciplining him. Second,
sometimes the child must be stopped immediately, and the mother cannot wait
until the father gets home. The child must be taught to respond immediately to
her commands as well as his father's. Third, making one parent
responsible for disciplining the child may turn that parent into the "bad
guy" in the child's eyes. The child should recognize that both parents
agree on their methods of disciplining him. Although the degree to which
various parents use them will vary, the following five methods might be used
for disciplining your children.
(1) Putting your child in the bedroom. When the child is disobeying, he should first be warned that you are going to put him in the bedroom if he doesn't obey. If he continues to disobey, take him to the room immediately. Do not keep repeating warnings. For smaller children, you will probably have to sit in the room with them; for older children, they can sit alone. If they are crying or yelling, don't let them come out until they stop. Also, teach them that they need to apologise before you let them out. If they apologise, show your happiness and quick acceptance.
For those children who whine and cry for everything, it is good to teach them that they will be sent to the bedroom when they whine and cry. They should not be allowed to whine and cry in the living room where they will disturb others. Once children learn that when they whine and cry, they will be sent to the bedroom, the whining and crying should decrease dramatically. Although it may take a long time for some children to stop crying and apologise, the parent must not give in. The child should feel that everytime he persists in disobedience, he will be the loser. This method, if done correctly and consistently, should dramatically affect your child.
(2) Showing your disappointment. If you have established a good relationship with your child, your disappointment with him will have a great impact on him. If he does something you don't like, and you tell him you are angry with him and show him that you are not going to play and joke with him because of his actions, he will probably feel bad and apologise. This works especially well when several family members show disappointment with the child's actions.
(3) Withholding privileges. Not letting the child go out to play, ride his bicycle, or use his skates, for example. Threats to do this are useful only if the child believes you.
(4) Giving rewards. These could be compliments, sweets, toys, or anything else that your child likes. When your child is rewarded for doing good, he is likely to do good again. After some time, his habit will be to do good. Two words of caution, however. First, rewards should not become bribes. You should not tell your child, "If you obey me, I will take you for ice cream." Rewards should be spontaneous on your part to show your appreciation for your child's actions. They should not be expected by the child. You should say, "Since you have been such a good boy today, I'm going to take you for ice cream." Second, you should be careful that your relationship with your child does not become a marketplace where he expects to get a reward from you for everything he does. As the child gets older, he will not need to be given material rewards as often, although you should continue to let him know that you appreciate his good behavior. You should, however, teach him that even though he doesn't always receive a reward from you for his good actions, he might receive one from Allah (SWT).
(5) Spanking. This is the most controversial aspect of discipline. Some parents feel that it is wrong to spank children because it teaches them that violence is the answer or that "might makes right." Others go too far in the other direction and believe that unbridled beating of their children is okay. Some parents slap their children in the face, beat them on the hand, or twist their ears. These methods should, however, be avoided. Slapping in the face humiliates the child, and beating on the hand or twisting the ear could cause permanent physical damage to the child. Of course, it should also be clear that such things as burning or starving children, making them drink hot sauce, or other such harsh punishments should never be used. I personally use only two physical methods for disciplining my children: light slaps on the hand when the child is using his hands to do something wrong and spanking the child on his buttocks in a way that is not permanently harmful but that only causes some stinging. If the other methods of discipline are used wisely, a parent should rarely have to resort to physical discipline at all. However, sometimes it may be necessary. If done with mercy and justice and in the best interest of the child, it should not be considered as violent or abusive. When children grow up, they will be held accountable for their actions. In some cases, the punishments they face for wrongdoing will be severe. To teach them right from wrong now, even by spanking or lightly slapping their hand, will help them avoid these problems later in life. Hammudah Abd al Ati writes in The Family Structure in Islam: ". . . [T]he Prophet(sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) urged parents to demand that their children begin practicing the regular daily prayers by the age of seven. If the children do not start the practice by the age of ten, they should be disciplined by physical means --- without causing them harm or injury, of course --- only to show disapproval of their behavior."
If parents follow these principles consistently, they should see a dramatic improvement in their children in a short time. If, however, the children have been allowed to run the house for a long time, and the parents have given up their authority, it will take longer for the children to get used to the new rules. Although the various methods of discipline are important and will help you to control your children and force them to do what you say, you will not always be with them as they begin to grow, and, thus, the penalties and consequences from you will not concern them. Ideally, as you discipline your children you will also develop their conscience and their knowledge of right and wrong. Teaching them good morals and manners and instilling in them a love for Allah, the Prophets, the Sahaba, and the great heroes of Islam should help them to do good even when you are not around. The attainment of self-discipline and a concern for doing righteousness whether they are with others or alone is the true goal of childrearing. The afore-mentioned techniques are merely some thoughts and means to achieve this.
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