Hello there - well, I'm a little disappointed with myself....

As I hinted in my last posting, I haven't been feeling 100% on the anxiety front for a week or two. Well, I finally caved in today and went to see the doctor.....

I got a little fed up with my heart pounding all the while - exercise helped a little, but the effect was short term. I tried my relaxation tapes, but to no avail.

I told myself that the responsible thing to do was to get along to the GP and break the cycle of attacks with a little somehting to calm me down for a week or two. He was very good and prescribed me some propranolol - I really hate taking any medication.

The ironic thing is that as I took the first tablet, the anxiety really kicked in as I had thoughts about how the drug might affect my heart etc etc.... If I was a non-anxiety sufferer reading this, I'd think this all sounds pretty pathetic. But, what can I say ? I do my best not to burden the health servce unless I really feel really bad....

On a lighter note, I got an email via my web site contact form from someone who has anxiety problems. I always find it fascinating to read other peoples' accounts, and to see the similarities between them.

Here is the account (no names - as usual) :

"Well it's finally great to read about experiences that feel likethey are exactly the same as mine!

About two months ago I woke up in themiddle of the night at about 3am having serious trouble breathing. Myheart was pounding, I had a crushing pain in my chest and I really feltthat this was the end of it all.

I woke my wife up who immediately took me to hospital. (I'm only 29 sothis was really weird and I didn't know what was happening) The hospital staff calmed me down with oxygen and asked what I thought was happening to me. I said "I really don't know" and they connected me up to an ECG which the doctor checked and replied to me that he's sure there is nothing wrong with my heart and I've had a panic attack.

I was seriously confused and when I got home every muscle in my body was tense and I really felt like I'd just run a marathon.

I've had a few more panic attacks since then at night and fortunately I'vemanaged to calm myself down using a relaxation tape, talking with my motherwho experienced panic attacks when she was on strong medication beforea neck operation and finally turning on the TV as a distraction.

During the day I do get pains in my chest and I find myself constantlychecking my pulse! Is it fast? Is it slow?? Have I missed a beat? I'mtrying my best not to touch my neck and wrist but I feel sometimes my chestpounding with each heartbeat.

What I do have though, is a problem with a muscle in my shoulder whichI'm seeing a physiotherapist for. Caused I believe late last year whenI paved a patio. This doesn't help the anxiety at all and the pain radiatesdown my arm and into my chest so I feel breathless and so my mind focuson this breathlessness. I'm always thinking "Have the doctors gotit wrong?" My sister is actually a Cardiac nurse and she says I'mfine as well.

Like you I know that physical exercise really helps and I'm hoping to startmy swimming again soon and begin to play golf again when the weather getsbetter.

Nights seem so long sometimes and it's worrying going to bed when my mindfeels at it's most vunerable. I'm going to try some meditation again whichI learnt about 6 years ago when I had a problem with Social Phobia in theworkplace. People don't even know I have a problem with anxiety and I'musually fine to chat with and very talkative. Although with social situationsI tend to have to still force myself to go.

That first trip to the hospital scared me and I don't believe I've everhad a full panic attack like that before.

I'm confident though that things will improve and my quality of life will return to normal in 2005."

Well, that's all for now. Take care.

Nigel.

- posted by Nigel @ 2:03 PM