Anxiety Help Blog
Friday, January 28, 2005
Hello again.
I had a visit from my 2 friends "Mr Anxiety" and "Mr Attack" in the night..and those boys weren't taking any prisoners I can tell you :)
Yes, last night's attack was the worst one that I have for many months...I'd forgotten how really terrifying they can be. But the good news is, as always, my 2 friends didn't suceed in snuffing me out (though, as usual, I thought they might do).
Looking back on it, its incredible that I know all of the symptoms, all of the breathing exercises, why I have the symptoms etc. but still it is very difficult to halt a bad attack in its tracks.
I was so scared of dying that all of my own advice just evaporated and I just crumbled...
Still, we're all human and can only do our best to combat these things. I'm sure that the contributory factors were the usual : too much stress, not enough sleep and I had even been tempted to have a couple of glasses of wine. You would think that I would learn from my past experiences, but sadly not !! You only have to read this blog to see how many times that I have fallen in to this same trap with the same unhappy consequences.
There is no escpaing the fact that unless you truly change your life to incorporate the good habits to quieten the mind and relax and be good to yourself, then the anxiety issue may well come back to haunt you (well, in my case anyway).
Well, there's no time to sit around feeling sorry for myself - time to move on and get myself back in to top form. I'm off for a run in the country later and no more vino for me tonight !
Take care
Nigel.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
I had something of a revelation recently.
I was thinking about the way that I have tried to deal with anxiety in my life. I also started to think about my life before I started to have anxiety issues.
I thought about how anxiety had blighted my life and how I used to be a more humourous, light-hearted person before 'this all happened to me'.
Then it hit me : "hold on...what am I saying ? I'm still humourous and light hearted - I still love to laugh at things and to enjoy the lighter moments of life". In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I came to realise that there are many things in life that I really love to do and to appreciate.
Then, it hit me like a bolt of lightning : I haven't changed at all - the way that I think about myself has changed. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that I have started to think of myself as a victim of anxiety, whose life has been permanently blighted.
When I think about my life more deeply, I realise that the 'real' me is still there. I am still as humourous and fun-loving as ever.
To someone who has not been though similar experiences, this may all seem a little obvious. But I have definitely fallen in to the trap of regarding myself as being controlled by anxiety and seeing myself as a victim of it.
Well, not any more.... I have a new picture of myself that I carry around in my head. I now see myself as the person I want to be : fun-loving, caring and grateful for all of the good things that I have in my life. I may well have anxiety symptoms at some time in the future, but I will regard them as the exception rather than the norm, knowing that I can cope with them and that I will return to being the 'real' me.
If you have anxiety issues, maybe it is worth taking a few moments to see if you have lost site of the 'real' you. The best of who you are is still in there and hasn't gone away at all, you just haven't noticed him/her recently. Maybe its time to get re-acquainted !
Sunday, January 09, 2005
One thing I keep meaning to post on my site is a link to Susan Jeffers web site. Her site (unsurprisingly) is : www.susanjeffers.com
I've set her site be my browser home page now as each day Susan offers a different inspirational quotation and an affirmation.
I must admit that the whole idea of quotes and affirmations seems a little new ageish to me and makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. But, I must admit that looking at the affirmations and quotes offered each day can help to make me stop for a few moments and see life in a different way. This can certainly help with any anxiety thoughts I may have. Maybe you can give it a go and see if it helps you too ? I have read a few of Susan's books and they certainly make excellent reading.
Todays quote on Susan's web site seems very appropriate : "Either I will find a way or I will make one. " (Philip Sydney). I'd like to think that I can take this approach to my anxiety to finally beat it once and for all.
Nigel.
Friday, January 07, 2005
Hello again - I'm feeling great today ! It looks like all of Susan Jeffers advice has paid off (see previous post). A good long hard run also helped me a great deal.
I've spent some time updating the web site today and adding a few bits & pieces. I've added a new section which details some of the stories that people have sent to me, telling me about their own experiences and techniques that have worked for them. (http://members.lycos.co.uk/anxietyhelp/index.php?page=stories)
I had a thought whilst running today : it would be really nice to link to Blogs from other anxiety sufferers, to push out others experiences of anxiety to a wide audience of people. If you fancy publishing your own thoughts about things, on the web, set yourself up with a blog and I'll link to it for you ! Go to www.blogger.com and set up an account - its really easy and its free to set up. I find that learning about other peoples experiences can be comforting and may give me ideas to try new things that I might not have otherwise heard about. Look forward to hearing from one or two of you !
In my web site section which lists a few books and tapes, I have put in links to the Amazon web site where you can buy these products. I have joined an affiliate scheme to try to raise some money to get this web site shifted to a new web hosting service that doesn't have lots of annoying adverts floating about. I don't want anyone out there to think I'm trying to make any money out of this !!!! I don't think my hit rate on my site is high enough to generate enough traffic anyway, but its certainly worth a go.
Stay well & happy.
Nigel.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Hi again, I'll try to be a bit more upbeat than my last post !!
I'm feeling much better now - I opted not to take the drugs prescribed by my doctor, as they made me feel really weird.
I've been trying various relaxation techniques to calm things down a little.
One really useful thing that I've been doing is listening to an audio book (in the car) by Susan Jeffers called "End the Struggle and Dance with Life: How to Build Yourself Up When the World Gets You Down ".
It really is a superb, inspirational book. I am a great fan of Susan Jeffers' work - she has a comforting, philosophical view of life which can really enrich your life if you choose to follow her advice. I thoroughly recommend reading this book to bring you comfort and techniques to quieten your mind and start to enjoy life again.
Take care.
Nigel.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Hello there - well, I'm a little disappointed with myself....
As I hinted in my last posting, I haven't been feeling 100% on the anxiety front for a week or two. Well, I finally caved in today and went to see the doctor.....
I got a little fed up with my heart pounding all the while - exercise helped a little, but the effect was short term. I tried my relaxation tapes, but to no avail.
I told myself that the responsible thing to do was to get along to the GP and break the cycle of attacks with a little somehting to calm me down for a week or two. He was very good and prescribed me some propranolol - I really hate taking any medication.
The ironic thing is that as I took the first tablet, the anxiety really kicked in as I had thoughts about how the drug might affect my heart etc etc.... If I was a non-anxiety sufferer reading this, I'd think this all sounds pretty pathetic. But, what can I say ? I do my best not to burden the health servce unless I really feel really bad....
On a lighter note, I got an email via my web site contact form from someone who has anxiety problems. I always find it fascinating to read other peoples' accounts, and to see the similarities between them.
Here is the account (no names - as usual) :
"Well it's finally great to read about experiences that feel likethey are exactly the same as mine!
About two months ago I woke up in themiddle of the night at about 3am having serious trouble breathing. Myheart was pounding, I had a crushing pain in my chest and I really feltthat this was the end of it all.
I woke my wife up who immediately took me to hospital. (I'm only 29 sothis was really weird and I didn't know what was happening) The hospital staff calmed me down with oxygen and asked what I thought was happening to me. I said "I really don't know" and they connected me up to an ECG which the doctor checked and replied to me that he's sure there is nothing wrong with my heart and I've had a panic attack.
I was seriously confused and when I got home every muscle in my body was tense and I really felt like I'd just run a marathon.
I've had a few more panic attacks since then at night and fortunately I'vemanaged to calm myself down using a relaxation tape, talking with my motherwho experienced panic attacks when she was on strong medication beforea neck operation and finally turning on the TV as a distraction.
During the day I do get pains in my chest and I find myself constantlychecking my pulse! Is it fast? Is it slow?? Have I missed a beat? I'mtrying my best not to touch my neck and wrist but I feel sometimes my chestpounding with each heartbeat.
What I do have though, is a problem with a muscle in my shoulder whichI'm seeing a physiotherapist for. Caused I believe late last year whenI paved a patio. This doesn't help the anxiety at all and the pain radiatesdown my arm and into my chest so I feel breathless and so my mind focuson this breathlessness. I'm always thinking "Have the doctors gotit wrong?" My sister is actually a Cardiac nurse and she says I'mfine as well.
Like you I know that physical exercise really helps and I'm hoping to startmy swimming again soon and begin to play golf again when the weather getsbetter.
Nights seem so long sometimes and it's worrying going to bed when my mindfeels at it's most vunerable. I'm going to try some meditation again whichI learnt about 6 years ago when I had a problem with Social Phobia in theworkplace. People don't even know I have a problem with anxiety and I'musually fine to chat with and very talkative. Although with social situationsI tend to have to still force myself to go.
That first trip to the hospital scared me and I don't believe I've everhad a full panic attack like that before.
I'm confident though that things will improve and my quality of life will return to normal in 2005."
Well, that's all for now. Take care.
Nigel.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Review of 2004
Well, I thought I'd make a few notes about things that I learned about (my) anxiety during 2004. Maybe I can look back at these notes and build on them next year. One thing is for certain : I haven't got rid of my anxietyor panic attacks, but I have found a number of ways to reduce their frequency and intensity.
One area where I fall down is in my lack of consistency in applying new techniques or approaches that I comeacross. I tend to try something new and then fail to integrate as part of a regular routine. The effect of thenew technique (fairly obviously) does not last for very long and I end up with my symptoms creeping back inas soon as my stress levels start to rise again. I have tried meditation, affirmations, self-hypnosis tapes,progessive muscular relaxation and inspirational books - all have worked to varying degrees, but without long term application of these techniques, their effect is lost in a short space of time. Maybe I am looking for a'magic bullet' to take away the symptoms without any further effort on my part.
I have read some interesting articles about 'Neuro-Linguistic Programming', which seems to possibly offer a'magic bullet' to fix my anxiety issues (if I understand it correctly). NLP is an interesting subject matter :it studies the effect of language on thoughts and behaviour. It appears to be a very powerful technique to alter and possibly cure phobias and anxieties. I purchased a book about NLP, but I found it very diffcult tounderstand the concepts presented in the book. I need to do more research in this area to see if there ismaybe a fix or cure for anxiety. I wonder if this is maybe too much to hope really - most improvements I haveseen seem to be as the result of a long-term gradual improvement in anxiety over a long period of time throughmodifications in lifestyle, rather than a quick-fix solution. But who knows ?
Another thing which has become apparent over time is that the symptoms caused by anxiety seem to transformthemselves over time. I have had a number of physical symptoms - each time I overcome them, a new symptom seems to appear to replace it. For instance, I have had :
- Chest pains (thinking I am having a heart attack)
- Chronic indigestion (Symptoms of stomach cancer - I thought...)
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome (I suspected bowel cancer)
- Persistent shoulder pain
- High blood pressure (temporarily caused by anxiety)
- Breathing difficulties (minor, but worrying)
Each time I have had these symptoms, and then got over them, I have suffered another at a later time (maybeweeks or months later). It makes me seem like a complete hypochondriac, but they seem frigtheningly real tome. I can't help but feel this has caused an awful lot of wasted time for my doctor.....
My anxiety seems to be rooted in my need to feel in control of things. The thing that it is utterly frighteningduring my attacks is the feeling of helplessness and the lack of control that I have over the situation. Isuspect that maybe I have a personality type that needs to feel in control - I suspect that my intial anxietyattack was caused by an overload of stress and my inability to cope with it, or retain control of my lifeat that time. Ultimately, none of us really has much control of our lives and an acceptance of that fact is probably part of the path to avoiding anxiety attacks. Susan Jeffers book "Embracing Uncertainty" coversthis area in quite a bit of depth and is well worth a read.
Another thing that I have learned about anxiety is that some reactions to situations are learned responses.When I feel susceptible to attacks, I expect that my heart rate will go up if I drink alcohol or coffee and that it will make my atatck worse. And, sure enough, it does have that effect. However, when I feel 'normal'I can drink coffee with little noticeable effect - I still have a problem drinking alcohol, as I always notice my heart rate go up and start to feel a little anxious.
I've been quite lucky over the last year, as my attacks have been quite infrequent. However, over the pastcouple of days I've had a few attacks which came out of the blue. I had forgotten how terrfiying and claustraphobic they can be. I feel as though I am trapped in a world of anxiety that I can't get out of. Iknow that its only an anxiety attack and it can't really hurt me, but that that knowledge is not enough toescape from that horrible little world. I'm coming out of my anxiety episode at the moment and I know thatI'll be OK in a day or two - I also know that in a few weeks this will be a dim and distant memory. I justhope that I don't slip back in to this state again....
