Right let me tell you this from the start..."the best laid plans of mice and men!" You know the rest eh? Well let me tell you, no matter how much you plan and think of every conceivable pattern that the conversation can go, it never goes the way you think. If you think you've read enough peoples thoughts on telling your other half about your transgenderism then think again.
Go read at least twice as many. Find the sites for SO's and read what they think. I'll try to find some links for them later but believe me you need to read far more. Try to find someone to talk to. Wouldn't it be nice if there was somewhere for t-girls to go to chat to real girls who have been through this so that we can bounce ideas off of them? Find out what they think. I know there are some sites but they are never easy to find and I suppose the real girls who are into this scene are a bit bias... I guess. I mean the girls who don't like it wouldn't be reading or even willing to give advice, would they?
If you've got any thoughts on this please let me know. I'd love to read what real girls think.
Okay so ignoring my own advice above I thought I was ready. I'd read loads, I'd planned it all in my head and I knew her. Right?
It was a complete disaster. I lost the ability to speak after telling her I needed to tell her something (maybe I should have written a letter for her to read whilst I was there, maybe some literature.) I just completely froze, all my ideas disappeared, all my courage ran away! She got upset and so did I. I eventually told her but by then the atmosphere was so bad by then that I just couldn't do it in a positive way and...well all I can say is urggghhh!
I wonder if I could get her to write an article about that night. How she felt. It could be very insightful. So for days after the talk was minimal, we spoke about it a little but not a huge amount. She asked the usual questions. Are you gay? Do you want to be a woman? Do you want to break up? I can't even remember those times that well now. I just know that they were so awful, more so for her I suppose and if that is true they must have been horrendous! I mean I felt like utter sh*t.
How could I have done this to her, someone I loved? Why couldn't I just give it up for her...well we know why not, but it's not easy to tell her why. Why do we do it? I still don't really know myself.
Well the good news is we made it. We decided to stick together and see how we would do. We set ground rules and started to try and rebuild our relationship. Let me tell you something though. Do you know what she thought was the worst thing about it. That I had been deceitful and not told her before. Not the transgender thing, although she wasn't that keen on that area either!
She nearly left me. She contemplated it quite a lot, but she decided to try to make it work. (Thanks honey. I love you so much for staying.) So take my advice from above. Go on, if you are serious about telling your partner then read it again.
I'm not very good on advice on how to tell your partner but believe me I am good enough on advice on how NOT to tell you partner. Not every partner will be able to cope, not all of them will stay. The best advice is to tell them early on in the relationship after you have worked out whether they are an accepting, loving and sensitive person. One who will not betray you and one who can accept. If they aren't then you'll have to decide whether they are for you. Can you live the rest of your life in secret, going behind their backs?
Whatever the case, whether you are going to tell a new partner or even a long term partner then I wish you the best of luck. I'm not some counselor who can give you advice. Just make sure you really think through what the results of your actions could be! Telling your partner may not be the answer to everyone's problems. I don't want to tell you to do something you aren't ready to do.
I'm still with my gf. We shop together, she lets me go out to the F&H, I've gone to a couple of meetings with her at FXG, she buys my makeup and tights. Okay she'd rather I didn't do this but she accepts it. Sometimes she enjoys shopping with me for clothes and sometimes she gets pissed off at it. We have good days and we have bad days. I'm not some perfect person so sometimes I annoy her by going out to the F&H's when she wants to go somewhere else or buy something when she doesn't want to go shopping for Becky. I don't always mean to be but sometimes I just need to. I wish I was perfect, I try, but I'm just not that successful.