CSSSSS - The Definitive Way to Make Your Page Look Exactly the Same in All Web Browsers On Every Platform

(because we have such an affinity with acronyms, let's give the above marketing catchphrase an acronym: TDWMYPLESAWBOEP)

CSSSSS stands for "Confusing, Sub-standard-Syntax Style Sheets", and they allow you to format your page in many marvellous ways (in theory).

For example, you can make some text glow (in theory), define the background of a table precisely (in theory) and control the look of borders in a paragraph (again, in theory).

One fabulous feature of CSSSSS is that you can set the column span of table cells, WITHOUT using the colspan tag! Another great feature is that you can set the text to be preformatted without using the pre tag!

In the new version (CSSSSS 2.0), you can also set the user's cursor to something that they would never expect to see. Tee-hee-hee! Think of all the hijinks you'll be able to set up with that - You could set their cursor to an hourglass and they'll wait forever for nothing to happen! You could set it to the "help" cursor when they move over an external link, so they'll keep looking through the external site for some sort of help!

Ha ha ha!

As you can see, CSSSSS is fun. Unfortunately, you need to learn a whole new language in order to use it. Also, everything that you can do in CSSSSS is "in theory" - that is, not everything works in every browser. In fact, some things don't work in ANY browser. But that's because the folks at Microsoft and the Mozilla Project are a bunch of internet traitors, happy to sacrifice the greater good of the Semetic Web... erm, I mean the Internet, just for their own selfish penny-pinching.

The W3C asks that... no, DEMANDS, that you use CSSSSS for ALL web pages, no matter how small.

CSSSSS's syntax will look kinda familiar to some of you who have done programming courses. All the rest of you useless buggers who don't program computers, you can all just get stuffed. You'll all be burned at the stake when Semetic Web takes control of all computer systems... I mean, when Semetic Web is released (either way, it'll be 50 years at least).