STUFF TO DO...
This bit is full of stupid childish things that we like to do when we're out and about, or at parties or whatever. Read, learn, repeat, enjoy. Feel free to suggest any new foolish acts for us to test out.
1. The Shotgun...
Shotgunning forces you to finish your can in about 10 seconds, it usually makes you feel sick but Steven managed to do 11 cans. First you need to prepare your can....
Pierce the side of the can near the bottom, and make the hole about the size of a two pence.
Put the hole to your mouth (with your finger on the ring pull) and drink about 2 gulps before opening the top.
If you did it right, the can's contents should rush into your mouth at top speed.
Gulp Gulp Gulp
Fall over, be sick or whatever, then do another.
2. The Bush Jump...
Bush jumping is always funny, and results in waking up covered in cuts, mud, thorns, birds nests etc. For maximum effect you need a total lack of fear of injury, and some sort of structure as a launch pad (walls, bus stops, roofs, bridges...).
Spot blurred foliage in the distance.
Nominate someone to hold your stuff, and run screaming towards the said vegetation.
Climb on to said launch pad, the quicker the better, (walls can be taken in one step).
Ignore that intellegent part of your brain that is predicting pain, and dive into plant. Headfirst looks best but is far more likely to result in pain.
Flee at top speed from any angry home owners, gardeners etc.
Repeat through the evening.
See Examples...
3. Potatoe Hiding...
This is for parties, but it's gonna cost you some money unless the host foolishly leaves out a sack of the said vegetable. Actually you can use any vegetable, but potatoes are a good size (they fit into most nooks and crannies) and tend to be covered in mud. When done on a good scale, the host (and their relatives) will be finding potatoes for weeks, or even months to come. We did this at Pete's house, and after about 2 weeks he was finding vegetables in the early stages of decomposition. There's something about the word potatoe too, it's quite a funny word.
Buy / Find sack of potatoes, you need lots or it wont be very good.
Disguise sack to avoid the host's attention, put it in your bag, dress it up as a person or whatever.
Go to every room in the house, hiding a potatoe in every drawer, cupboard, hole, item of furniture, item of clothing, cooking / eating utensil, box, bed, and anywhere else you can fit one. You need some that they will find sooner so that they know there's going to be a problem, and some in places that they'll never look or go for months.
When they have found a few, ask them regularly if they have found any new ones.
After a while they will begin to rot and the host will get quite angry. If they ever found it at all funny, they wont now. Beds or other fabric kind of things, get covered in mud and so will also cause maximum annoyance.
Any time your bored, think about the host finding a potatoe in the back of their kitchen cupboard, or in the top of their toilet etc, and laugh for a while. Childish is good!
4. How To "Avit"...
This is particularly good for upsetting townies, old people, and other assorted ruffians. You can't really make an evening out of it, but it's good to combine with other things,...no it's total crap actually but it amuses us.
Clap your hands together, but with one upside down, so its palm against the back of your hand.
Chant "Avit" repeatedly. If you wish you may pick an appropriate swear word to accompany it. (See the photo for an example, dont get it confused with drinking Cognac though).
5. Mullet Hunting
Mullet hunting is excellent, especially in clubs etc. All you need is a camera, a gang of sharp eyed drunks, and an area with a high mullet population (such as anywhere with old school metal being played, or simply town on a saturday.)
Drink
Grasp photographic equiptment
Gather your hunting posse
Walk about, shout if you see anything.
Either ask if you can take a photo of the wearer's fine haircut, or do it from a distance and run away. Asking's always best as the photos come out much better.
Giggle childishly
Hunt more mullets.
Here are some fine examples of prime mullets:
6. Concoctions
Concoctions are fun. they enable you to get drunk without the need for currency loss.
Open somebody's spirits cabinet,
Pour a chosen amount of each bottle's contents into a suitable container, drinks with completely foriegn language on them are good because you don't know what they are and therefore your first gulp of concoction is made that much scarier.
Replace all bottles near to their original positions to avoid detection. Clear drinks may be topped up with water for the stealth concocter.
Drink concoction and comment on it's rankness.
Die
7. Toilet breaking
Toilets have always been funny and they always will be. If you break them they are even funnier and sometimes they leak / spray water everywhere for added effect.
Go to bathroom, you may wish to take desctructive things with you. Things previously used in toilets include fruit, pickled onions, flashy toys, and of course the ever mystical pint glass.
Break smash block.
Deny all knowledge.
8. Destruction
This makes walking home in the middle of the night more enjoyable...
Pick up any object which takes your fancy,
Keep a look out for police or the owner of your chosen object,
Smash object into billions of pieces in any way possible, some prime methods include throwing, kicking, and impaling on sharp fences,
Gloat over how damn solid you are for beating up something that can't fight back,
Select another prime piece of street furniture or rubbish.
Don't forget, going out the night before the bin lorries come around always provides plenty of rubbish bags, prams, kettles, and all manner of interesting junk.
Examples:
9. Stockpiling
Stockpiling should be done whenever possible. There is one rule to stockpiling, and that is that you never reject a free thing.
For instance, parents may often say "Do you have enough money for tonight?", and you may well have money, so you say "No." You then keep the money for a later outing and blow it on beer.
"Would you like a beer?", "Why, yes, I don't feel like drinking a beer but I shall put it in my room and then drink it on the weekend."
Get the idea? Stockpiling can, over a few weeks, get you enough supplies for a free night of adventure.
10. Beer Bonging / Funneling
We figured that this isn't really much faster than shotgunning. However, you don't have to stab cans, bend your keys, get covered in beer spray, slice your fingers open etc. Carrying your contraption around is a problem, so we advise you to make one that comes apart easily.
11. Home Brewing
I like making my own foul drinks. The first beer I made was £8 for 40 pints, and it tasted quite nice. The first wine I made (appropriately named WINO) was aroung £2-3 per gallon, but it tasted quite nasty. All sorts of wierd and wonderful flavours are going to be attempted in the future. This is how we make crap wine:
YET TO BE TESTED....
10. Light Bulbs...
I have a feeling that this is a tad dangerous, so dont blame me if you hurt / kill yourself or burn down someones house.
Lock yourself in a room with a screw in light bulb,
Turn off the light bulb and unscrew it,
Wrap metal foil around the metal part of the bulb, cover it totally,
Screw it back in,
Avoid the light switch like the plague,
Wait until someone switches on the light, every time they turn the light on the fuse box will blow.
They'll keep resetting the fuse box, but whenever the light is turned on the fuse will blow.
See how long it takes for the house owner to find the foil.
Now, as i said i reckon this is gonna be dangerous. I wouldn't recommend it, especially in an old house where the fuse actually blows rather than just tripping the switch off. Just dont blame me if it turns sour...
11. More Light Bulbs
If you survive the last bit of light bulb tomfoolery, you may be interested by this. NOTE: This is definately VERY dangerous indeed. This was sent to me by John Critchley, and this is what it said...
hey timbo,
johnny c here, here's an idea for your "stuff to do" page:
See, much dangers here. We will try it in the summer, with the aids of an old lamp and a very long extension lead. If you want do it in someone's house, then you'll have to be prepared for the trouble you ask for when you burn down someone's house and kill them/blow off their arms at the same time. Just don't hold me responsable you irresponsible little assholes.
12. Cows
Okay, this is an odd one. You need a cow, yes a cow, and something that cows like to eat. Oh, and a victim with a house that has stairs.
13. The Ground Force Series
GROUND FORCE 1 Find two houses with front gardens (have to be on same street, preferabbly close). make sure one is quite well looked after with lots of flower pots, ornaments etc(furniture is the jackpot) and the other is pretty featureless. Now take all the stuff from the nice garden, and arrange it neatly in the shitty one, to give them a lovely suprise when they wake up the next morning! Of course, the people who own the stuff will be pissed off that all their stuff has been nicked, and cue instant between neighbour tension! Classic!
GROUND FORCE 2 Find someone with a relitevely square garden that has a lot of features that are easily movable (ie no trees, flower beds(pots are ok)etc). Delicately move all the features around the garden so that when the owners look out the window in the morning, their garden is set out exactly the same, only turned 90 degrees around. Cue instant headfuck.
GROUND FORCE 3 Take all the features from every garden in the street and put them all in one garden at the end of the road.
From Liam - http://www.eldemento.isgreat.net
14. Driveworks
Nick loads of traffic cones and those barriers that they put around holes they dig in the road. Put said cones and barriers directly in front of peoples front doors, across their drives, etc. Cue pissed off neighbours.
From Liam - http://www.eldemento.isgreat.net
15. Landfill
On the night before the binmen arrive, dont just kick the bags around! Take everyone you can find and pile them high in front of some unfortunates back door! Pure evil, but fun anyway!
From Liam - http://www.eldemento.isgreat.net
MORE THINGS TO DO ARE MOST WELCOME, ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE ACTUALLY ANY GOOD.