:: Rewind 2003 :: my last year's premieres  

 

Well, that’s it. I am back here up north after I spent Christmas at home. It was raining the whole day long, as it does very often, but I am quite resistant against all wind and rain outside – so to speak. And although I should be studying right now for another exam I have at the end of January, I am thinking about the story I am going to write: What was new to me in 2003, which things are going to last and which things did I leave in the so-called archives of 2003? These are the questions you ask yourself at the beginning of a new year.

 

To begin with...

The beginning of the year 2003 was already marked by a quite big decision: I was going to study abroad for a year! Encouraged by a friend who was staying in Great Britain for a year at that time, I worked through all the paper stuff and finally handed in the application in mid-January. And I was not alone: some of my best friends at university also decided to spend the academic year 03/04 as an Erasmus student in another country and we were all very excited how it would be to live and study abroad.

 

Writings

But before I was going abroad in August, I spent a semester full of ups-and-downs and some insecurity. At the beginning of the semester, I was very happy when I got to know that one of my poems was going to be published in the student’s magazine. And it was even my first poem I had written after quite a long time. Since it was “only” a rewriting of a song by Alanis Morissette, I was very modest about what I had written and at the release party of the magazine, I told the editor (a fellow student) that I was happy that they included my poem. She did not know that I was the one who had written it and she congratulated me and said that she really liked it which made me really happy.

Spring was also the time I was contemplating a lot about my relationship to a guy I met at a dancing course which we both attended since last autumn. Well, he was my dance partner, but nothing more. Actually I was not even sure if I really wanted a closer relationship to him, but I gave it a try anyway. But when the dance course was over I realized that this was going to lead me to nothing. Writing helped me a lot too, I think. Through this I became aware what the situation really was and finally got over him, so to speak. Something to be stored in 2003’s archives.

Alanis & Co.

I had not been to any live concerts for quite some time then and seeing Alanis two times in July was definitely THE highlight. It is definitely something special when you are able to see your favourite musician live in concert; a woman who writes lyrics you can understand and relate to and who is such a great role-model of humanity. And not only the concerts were great, but also meeting all the wonderful and funny fellow Alanis fans!

2003 in general has been a year of new music for me. My cd collection was growing steadily, because thanks to my friends, the internet and Amazon - I was discovering a lot of great musicians over the year, such as Tori Amos, Sigur Rós, the Indigo Girls, Ani DiFranco, Sarah McLachlan, Björk, K’s choice, Panta Rei and I am sure I forgot to mention some. Actually for the first time I was listening to more female musicians than male ones, because I could relate very much to their lyrics and to what they had to tell in their songs. In their music I found either great messages of feminism and humanism or a story being told from a female point of view. All through my teenage years I had been listening mostly to male musicians (e.g. Bon Jovi) and I had kind of adopted their “male” view of things like relationships and how they (men) liked/imagined women to be. I knew it was only about lyrics of pop songs, but anyway. And recently I discovered some of the most impressive and innovative women in music like Ani DiFranco and Tori Amos, whose songs carried messages; who really had something to say. It made me feel like being somehow enlightened. At least as far as good music is concerned.

 

Going abroad

Exhausted but happy after a long journey, I arrived at the student house one dreary afternoon in late August. The flights had passed without any great disturbances and it proved to be true what my father had always told me, but what I was reluctant to believe: you can’t really get lost at an airport.

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I was the first time I was living on my own, but I was able to adapt quite quickly to life in the student house. And also the weather in the Netherlands, which is not always the best (rain, wind, thunder, etc., preferably all at once ;-)), posed no great problem for me.

I also quickly got used to having a roommate. English was the language spoken in the student house since we have people from all over Europe here and also some from the US, Asia and Africa. It was really interesting to get to know all the people and to listen what they had to tell about their respective countries. Furthermore I could practice my French and learn some Dutch too.

 

In addition to that I attended some very interesting courses during the first semester. For one of them I had to read a chapter from Communicating Gender by Suzanne Romaine, a book which made me really aware about the category “Gender” in linguistics and how women are talked about, in conversations and in the media. Already before I read this book I had thought I knew a lot about this subject, but I had been wrong: in this book there were A LOT of things I had not really been aware about before. I can only recommend this book, it really opened my eyes!

 

Coming home for Christmas

After showing Vienna and my hometown to another Erasmus student from China, I spent Christmas at home and it was a strange feeling to see my family again and being at home again after four months abroad. And for the first time after having had long hair for several years, I had my hair cut and it is now shoulder-length. It really was time...

 

Finally, I have to say that 2003 was a year of decisions and contemplations over various new subjects. There were some decisive changes for me and I was able to leave some problems behind, but after some major confusion, there was also kind of a standstill in emotional and relationship issues. So I am taking these with me into 2004 and I hope I can take some steps and move on. And moving on is always important, not only in these matters.

 

E., Jan. 04