The Paratrooper
A paratrooper was scared to jump. His instructor told him, "If anything goes
wrong, say, ‘Buddha oh Buddha’ and you will be saved."
The paratrooper got so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. So he said,
"Buddha oh Buddha," and a hand appeared and saved him.
He said, "Thank God," and he was dropped.
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Q: What is the name of the best Zen teacher?
A: M.T. Ness
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.
Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is
working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.
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Walking on water
Three monks decided to practice meditation together. They sat by the side of a
lake and closed their eyes in concentration. Then suddenly, the first one stood
up and said, "I forgot my mat." He stepped miraculously onto the water in front
of him and walked across the lake to their hut on the other side.
When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, "I forgot to put my other
underwear to dry." He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same
way.
The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be the
test of his own abilities. "Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can
match any feat you two can perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the
water’s edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.
Undeterred, the yogi climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into
the water. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking
into the water. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched.
After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, "Do you think we
should tell him where the stones are?"
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Driving in India
A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit
and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on
the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I’m terribly sorry, but
my karma ran over your dogma."
