GANGSTERS CONVENTION
GROUP OF GANSTER TYPE MEN PLAYING CARDS FOR MONEY AROUND A TABLE
(mean looking guy carrying a holdall approaches the table constantly looking around furtively)
SHIFTY: Here lads have a look what I have got in here… some good gear real pucha
.
CRUSHER: Let’s see then SHIFTY; you ain’t got any more bottles of that Baileys Cream have you? the missus loves it.
SHIFTY Bloody ell Crusher you bought two cases last week, your bird an alcoholic or something.
CRUSHER Nah she has flogged it to her mates, nice little earner for her
SHIFTY: Sorry Crushermate it’s all gone.
RAZOR: What about some more of those pirated Walt Disney videos for the kids:
SHIFTY: No No Razor it’s only what I can lay my hands on at the time. They were from the warehouse job last month sold the lot... (Opens the bag) Look the New England
Football kit complete… Shirt socks and shorts
RAZOR: (rather loudly) the new England kit! Bloody hell it’s not in the stores yet
SHIFTY: Shhh… keep your voice down these are from the lorry trailer that was nicked from the Docks. We got 6 boxes left in the trailer at the lock up… all different sizes £10.00 a set.
CRUSHER: I’ll have a set for my lad; can you get me a junior medium?
SHIFTY: Yes no problem, I’ll see you in the car park after tonight’s job.
CRUSHER: What’s the job anyway? All I know is the governor said be here by 7pm and be tooled up ready to go.
SHIFTY: Yeah I got the same message, must be a big job to get us altogether on a Friday night... mind you the cash will come in handy of to Marbella next week.
CRUSHER: Usual deal on the duty free fags then?
SHIFTY: I suppose so, but its getting hard to get over there every other week. Think some of those guys at customs are getting a bit suspicious.
RAZOR: Leave it to me I’ll have a word with one of my contacts at the airport see if we can’t offer them a sweetener or something to get your bags through via the back door.
SHIFTY: Oh there is a few of the music DVD’s left flogging them for 4 for a tenner now to shift them, there a bit hot.
CRUSHER: Hurry up mate put them away the Governors coming over, you know he don’t like us dealing on the premises. I’ll give you a good seeing to if he catches you. You know what happened to Fingers when the boss caught him.
(everyone re arranges them selves and tries to look casual)
GOUVENOR: Right lads you all tooled up and ready to go?
SHIFTY: Yes boss where we of to?
GOUVENOR: It’s a drugs bust down on the Scrags hosing estate. Were giving armed back up to the customs lads, some of our uniformed lads will be there also. Usual routine
It’s the drugs den again. Lets hope we get him this time. Serg don’t carry your body armour in the bag go down the locker room and get it on.
SHIFTY: Right Guv back in a minute. (exits with bag)
(FADE)
THE PATIENT
THE SCENE SEES A MAN COVERED BY A BLANKET LAY ON A PSYCHIATRIST COUCH.
HE IS HAVING A NIGHTMARE.
(Psychiatrist holding cup of tea starts to wake patient)
Psychiatrist: Wake up Mr. Jackson….wake up I got you a cup of tea plenty of sugar.
Patient: Oh Doc it was awful I was being chased by an angry mob again.
Psychiatrist: Here have this; it’ll make you feel better.
Patient: Thanks Doc, why do you think people hate me so much?
Psychiatrist: They don’t hate you it’s just your imagination; you must stop imagining the worse
Patient: They do Doc; I know people are talking about me behind me back... Calling me names they hate me
Psychiatrist: Now now that’s just not true
Patient: Well why they are always staring at me, watching me I can feel the eyes burning into me and so much anger.
Psychiatrist: Now look Mr. Jackson we can’t go through life being loved by everyone. You know the saying.You can please some of the people some (patient interrupts)
Patient: Oh I know that Doc but I used to be so sure in everything I did and everything I said, but now I can’t open my mouth without getting into an argument with someone. I mean I try and make the right decisions but I seem to make the wrong ones and people resent me for it.
Psychiatrist: I’m sure you do the job to the best of your ability. Its tough at the top and you couldn’t have reached the top without being good at your job. I mean it’s a very responsible job you have and a lot of people depend on you to run things.
Patient: Yes but…
Psychiatrist: No yes but, you must trust in your judgment and stick by your decision and don’t let anyone talk you out of it. You have a couple of people there at your side to help you. You told me that at our last meeting. You said they understand what you are going through and they are there to help you.
Patient: I suppose so, they must be my friends really, I mean when I have worked with them in the past and they have always been there for me.
Psychiatrist: That’s the spirit now finish your cup of tea and lets not have anymore of this nonsense you must believe in yourself and trust your judgment and if some people get upset by that so be it don’t let it bother you.
Patient: Yes you’re right as usual Doc
Psychiatrist: Ready to face the world then with your head held high.
Patient: I am doc (throws back the blanket to reveal a football referee uniform. Starts to get of the couch
(Psychiatrist holds open the door that has a sign on it referee’s changing room)
Psychiatrist: Now go out there and have a good cup match and I’ll see you the same time next week.
(FADE OUT)
THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER
THE SETTING IS A MAN ON THE PHONE TALKING TO SOMEONE AT THE OTHER END OF THE LINE
Man Yes, I’m telling you he’s a cowboy that fitted my kitchen. I mean some of the doors won’t shut proper, the shelves aren’t straight and it cost 4 grand it’s a blood liberty 4 grand for a fitted kitchen that looks crap
Well what can I do about it?, the guy who fitted it has run of with my wife
I know blood liberty it was the wife nagged me all year to have a new kitchen. And this is how she repays me
No I know it’s terrible I mean what do I want with a new kitchen anyway. Should have never asked my next door neighbour to fit it for me. Special price for a mate he said and if you saw it yourself you wouldn’t believe the mess he made. Have to redecorate it , he made such a mess. Well should have seen the signs when he drilled through the water pipe.
Yes sprayed out all over the electric sockets blew the bloody fuses no electric for 2 days whilst the wiring and scockets dried out. Waste of bloody money
Eh no not all my money, my Mums. Bless her got five grand from her in the will,
What ?........oh passed away last month. Should have been more money but the silly old dear had 20 grand in her house hidden in a cornflakes box. Said she didn’t trust the banks.
Eh?......... no the fireman did look after the fire was out but they couldn’t find any sign of the money. Mind you there weren’t much left of me mums house let alone the kitchen after the fire.
Yes I know terrible, just wished I hadn’t asked her to look after the dog well we had the kitchen fitted.
What no he had breathed in to much smoke had to have him put down… poor old Fido
Yes terrible I mean it must be true what they say about the seven year itch don’t know what I’ll do now on my own I’ll miss the chats we had
Eh no not the wife or the dog, me best mate from next door, he was my drinking and golf partner for seven years through thick and thin and that’s how he repays the friendship. Runs of with my wife in his car and to top it all my golf clubs were in his boot.
What his wife no you must be joking, have you seen her? If beauty is in the eye of the beholder he must have got married with his eyes shut. Just glad we hadn’t had kids.
What oh no she wanted them but it appears I’m firing blanks. I mean me build like a bullock down there, not that she gave me much chance to show it off.
No not Pillock I said bullock you know bull… moo and all that, eats lots of grass
No not lots of ass.. grass …oh never mind
Well I don’t know what I’ll do now. Just have to hope I get something in the redundancy pay cos there ain’t much hope with the company pension scheme… bloody great hole in the finances
Anyway enough about me troubles, how are you (pauses)
Oh not feeling so bad now that’s good Yes you go down to the pub and have a few drinks
And listen Gary.. it is Gary isn’t it…yes thought it was. Listen Gary any time you want to call us here at the samaratians we are always here for you.
FADE OUT HERE OR ADD AN EXTRA TWIST
(Puts phone down and picks up a clip board turning to a beautiful women)
Well love I got to hand it to you these sob stories of yours work. Do you think you can write one for women callers whilst were at home this weekend. I’m sure one of the twins will type it up on the computer for you.
FADE OUT
