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(JUST CLICK ON THE SMILEY LINK ABOVE TO JUMP TO THE LATEST GOSSIP)
This page is now getting underway with “"behind" the scenes and dodgy gossip from a multitude of sources, about the cast of characters who inhabit the same fisheries that I camp at (I would say fish but others would call it blanking !!), the “wally’s” we have to contend with occasionally.
“Last year (2002) was a very pro-active year for dubious carpers on the “Ging” and we all look forward to the characters down the lake creating lots of amusement in 2003 !!!....Dont let me down fellas (and Girlies) and little Willy“.
“You can still look back to the exploits from last year by [clicking here] or probably want to forget it huh !!!”. Still 2003 can’t get any worse can it ? Then again I have now got a Camcorder and will be placing a video stream on the site this year..........Chaps“.
“As I write the lakes are slightly devoid of Carpers due to the 3 foot of extra water on the bank, with the exception of “Our Flipper” who takes to underwater carping like a Dolphin“.
“The lads (Mr Pants, Termi, The Pole, Yoda) and myself have sorted another trip to France in the form of de Boux in July..........Just picture it 10 hours of driving through picturesque France with Cliff and Peter snoring in my ears, occasionally broken up with such comments as “"I'm gagging for a cup of tea, can we stop” and the tale of “Hunch back and peg leg” again & again & again !!!!“.
 “Our Yoda’s looking forward to “ratting again” in France and word has it he has bought his own traps this year”.............beats hooking them then Neal !!!“.
“Word has it that another little rat Willy is also going out of the country to fish the wilds of France in the company of “sniffer”.........the last we heard it was an organised trip with the food chucked in. Strange that because Willy is not known for eating other people cooked food on the lake, so we can only assume that a Macdonalds is located close by“
“Willy was due to come out with us for a week but changed his mind when the lovely Rosh said she would go out to some where warm with girls whilst Willy was away. Don’t worry Willy she will be somewhere warm and we will dress up in girls clothing at de Boux for her ........but then again some of the lads have this fetish all year round !!!!“.
“The lakes going down a tad now and the brave and hardy are inhabiting the banks once again down at Ging camping hard. Nick the Greek popped one out last week (19th Jan) whilst all around him did a good hard blank. Dopey Mick gave the lads a good laugh with his impressions of an inebriated monkey until Dappy put him to sleep with a mild (strongish then !!!) anaesthetic and was not seen again until the morning. Mind you the smell of Dappy’s socks is bound to put anyone to sleep !!!“.
“Our Bernie the bolt knows how to pull the birds doesn’t he, put in a bucket of spod and and they are all around him........bless him. I hope you keep doing it that way every week Bern as it keeps the blighters away from me“.
“Having birds go down on you, fills the day with excitement though“.
“Mmmmmm I hope it works on the Snotties as they have found me again this week“.
“Has anyone got any good recipes for Bream ?“.
“Old Lonely’s done a night down the Ging and was bestowing the virtues of Nash’ys new combat bivvy. Knowing Willy’s practice of putting one bivvy into another makes me wonder if the Combat’s bigger than his two existing ones and will he put that over the other two !!!“.
“Having three bivvy double zips to pull down at night might be a bit over exerting for our Willy but the bad spooky guys walking around the lake will probably give up with boredom opening all these zips to get to him are a good idea...............a bit like peeling an onion woudn’t you say !!!!!!“.
“Anyone one seen SFB ? Washed away in the floods perhaps ? If he was, is he fishing down in the Wash now clinging on to a large piece of flotsam ?“.
“Any answers to SFB whereabouts can be posted on the carp forum on this site !!!!“.
“Flippers having a grand old time down the lake we hear, chasing down the elusive Cypry’s. Having done 26 nights camping with not one to show over the last few months, we are thinking of contacting the Guinness book of records for a new category entry. It’s obviously got to him as the last we heard our Flipper was chasing gas bubbles................they were moving, honest !!!!“.
“Darren and Neal are off to the wilds of Canada later this year...........I say wilds but that is the parties they will be throwing in the bars at night after a stressful days carping. I wonder if they are taking their rods or are going bow hunting and will the “Termi” use his automatic instead !!“.
“All I have got to say lads is, it is a rather long way to go for a snottie isnt it ?“.
“Where have all the happy carpers gone to ?..............None but the brave, were up at Ging the weekend (and only me for a night as I was on a promise !!!!)“.
“From what we can understand this is the latest update : Cliff keeping the missus happy with DIY (Personally I prefer DIYBS Do it your bl***Y self), Darren the Termi blasting all gods creatures out of the sky (shame he doesn’t shoot over water though as we have a few targets in mind) , Neil on sick leave (he’d better be all right for his 50th), Peter playing with his misshapen balls (whilst Hannah’s playing with mine......dream on .....again),Willy on the cleaning run (get the missus to do it chap and come and blank),Ed missing and in love (or under the thumb with Kaz.........still dreaming),Mo who is no doubt still trying to get over his 8hr drive on Thurs night from London to Stevenage due to the snow (I can picture Mo in a dark mood on that one......bags of sand, cement, plaster being hurled from the van in all directions !!!!),The trio of Bernie,Noel and Dappy still stuck in deepest Hertfordshire looking for more birds and Dopey (Where has he got to.........2 weeks now and not a sign of the chap......the tufty’s are getting withdrawal symptoms down the lake, the Chinese takeaway is going into receivership and Victoria wine not to mention Fosters are issuing profit warnings)“.
“But where is “Dave” ?, come back we miss you“.
“Flipper was blanking hard in the dug out again (still chasing gas bubbles then ?) with moi in the square end in all that lovely snow. It would have been all right though if I had got my much desired “Snottie in the snow pic” but it was not to be and I had to make do with an 10” snowdrift in the bivvy at 3am when the wind changed direction“.
“Covered in snow (and I thought it was a heavy dandruff attack) it was about time the door came down“.
“Our Derek “The Bat” was showing Flipper and I his new “high tech boilie’s”, designed to be the first “intelligent” bait to be put into the Ging. Multi coloured, with a fluffy texture,it is designed to see the carp approaching and talk the fish into eating it“.
“We managed to get a quick picture though !!!“.
“Dopey Mick has surfaced we understand down at North Herts Tackle and walked out the door with a shiny new “Armadillo” bivvy under his arm. We can’t understand what was wrong with the white painted overwrap that he has been using for the last year as finally it blended in with the environment in all that snow last week“.
“Neil’s 50th bash in St Neots went down a storm last night with everyone enjoying themselves. It was like a lake reunion or one of our louder socials, with the antics of the lake monkey, Mo showing us his moves on the dance floor and our Cliff trying determinedly to copy them (your too old to do that Cliff, you will damage yourself), Sniffer doing his impressions of John Travolta in Grease with little Willy (who was playing Olivia neutron bombs role out of the two of them I can’t still figure out), moi looking cool (what !!!) and the girls dancing around Gez’s Yeehaaaa cowgirl hand bag“.
“Just as well I did not have the camera with me I suppose“.
“Didn’t recognise our Peter at first with his new toupee on, but when we did he proceeded to roll up his trousers to show off his new tattoo of a carp.............thats the closest a carps going to get to you for a while M8 !!!!. We were more interested to see Hannah’s new ones, unfortunately placed in areas of her body which could be shown to all. Next time Hannah, can the lads be there at the tattoo parlour to suggest locations for new ones then !!!“ .
“My better half Deborah found a kindred Irish expat in the form of the blonde bombshell Gez, with the two of them speed talking all night in a strange unintelligible Irish dialect. They are even threatening of linking up with Tracy, Hannah, and Rosh to join us on the Carp match barbecues.................Oh damn, we better cancel the paid for floozy’s then !!!!“.
“Cliff hit the wall at around midnight (just a tad too many Guinness’s then chap) and the night came to a close with our birthday boy Neil giving everyone a hug, (my ribs still hurt) still clutching a constantly filled pint. Good night that chap and our thanks to the other birthday boy Terry for having us“.
“Most did not fish the bread last weekend (14th - 16th) apart from our Flipper and a couple of other campers. Evidently they all pulled off because of the frozen water (and probably hypothermia) leaving the ice to Torvil & Dean who were practicing at the time !!!“.
 “31 days and counting, Flipper me old M8“.
“Mind you the blonde Dolphin had a run during the night but failed to connect. The lads and I recommend a change to a different formulation of hook from the rubber ones you are currently using chap !!!!“.
“STOP PRESS.. .......Our Mr Pants (Mr Burns in real life....Excellent) has got off his sofa and done a two nighter down at the Ging. Word has it his better half the lovely Tracy kicked him off so that she could dust underneath him as he has remained prone in one spot for 5 weeks“.
“A good blanking was had by all the weekend with the only highlights being Hannah doing a night with Peter the Pole (Yeah we heard the groaning Peter coming from the bivvie, don’t over exhert yourself like that as you will do an injury), Dopey Mick repeating himself  and giving us a giggle, and the visit from Lonely and Sniffer who had hot footed back from the Thorpe park tackle show........more later“.
“Our Mo was also at the same show wonga in hand burning a great hole in his pocket and invested in some new rods on the Chubb stand. The fact that he has already got 6 set of 3 rods did’nt worry him the slightest has he has already got 18 alarms to put them on.........Come on you Carp !!!!!“.
“Talking of tackle, Peter has just procured a brand new shiny stainless pod called the“High Riser” from Badger (did they name it after you Peter or was you just bragging then ?) . What with a bit of modification with a hack saw it will do a treat, so much so 4 more of us will be Badger’d shortly.........Just need a slave to carry the B****y thing though as its not what you would call light“.
“Good news all, SFB’s been located in the “Lost and Found” and has been seen at the Ging. I thought I saw an apparition gliding around the lake with a “Halo” but na’h it was the reflection from the sun on SFB’s bare bonce that fooled me......and there I was thinking it was a miracle !!!! “.
“Back to Lonely then.................. Having gone to spend his wonga on 3 new Diawa Infinity reels, new rods, new alarms, new Combat TT bivvy and a whole load more gear at the Thorpe Park show, Willy turns up at the lake to show off his Shiny new reels, not the Infinities but some unpronounceable Nippon type name. We thought he must have got them out of a Christmas cracker...........Paid good money from them he say’s.............But one get 3 free we says, the packaging is more expensive than the reels Darren chips in !!!!!. Laughing aside (and we did laugh), Dopey chirps out that he would buy them off the now dispirited Willy........which just about says it all !!!!“.
“And again.. .......Lonely phones me on the mobile asking for directions back home from Thorpe Park. “Get on to the M25 and go clockwise I state”, “clockwise he repeats”, “Yeah clockwise I say”. “Which ways that, I have only got a digital watch” !!!!“.
“Willys the only guy I know who likes to pronounce brand names with a different slant (by slant I don’t mean slanty eyed !!!) such as “Dewaa for Diawa, Oodi for Audi, and the Zig Zag rig (what !!!!)“.
 “Our Flipper showed us the way to go over the weekend 28/02/03-02/03/03 with a lovely Tench (what a lucky chap) and he must have taken note when I said “Make sure you catch a fish beginning with C” and he poked a 16.4 out that same night, followed by a 7lb fish sunday morning (good size to go with chips then). Oh well only 497 left to catch now !!!“.
“Och Ei d Nu (or similar scotty phrase), he’s back, he’s awake and he’s mad. Our Derek (The Bat) is back on the Ging with a vengeance having negotiated the 3am traffic, deposited himself in a likely swim, bivvied up, rods in rest and blanked out in his shiny new TT. God bless him he did hook a Carp on Friday night but lost it in the marginal weed by his feet. What with a condensating TT (with two extra holes built in) our Derek was not a happy chappy and is going to stuff the offending bivvy right up a certain retailer sons anatomy (Where the sun doesn’t shine !!!! that is) on his return“.
“Let’s not mention the rubber hooks then chap !!!!“.
“As for Moi, what can I say............Blanked hard again. I did find some fish but after moving on to them the second night they did the off..........must be the smell of musk from my arm pits (It works on the wife though)“.
“Bernie the bolt gave me a chuckle on the way out as half of his clothes were air drying in the trees as a result of over exuberance in trying to untangle his snagged line from an over hanging tree and.........fell in. Mind you Dappy next door looked the same as the clothes hanging in the tree (the same thickness) and he had’nt fallen in !!!!!“.
“Our Willy was experimenting with a fiendish new rig to fool the tricky carp.............”The Zig Zag rig”. What’s that I asked. You know, the rig that you fish at 6ft in 10ft of water he replied. Zig rig you mean M8, I said. Yeah, that the one , the one that they avoid like the plague“.
“Must be one that Zig’s at 2ft, Zag’s at 4ft, Zig’s again at 6ft“.
“Bless him and Sniffer though, they did keep the slimy ones from finding me on the other side of the lake .“. .
“Paul Webb (not normally mentioned in these hallowed pages) had a fish out of the river........(dont know which because they get moved around a bit). I hope he sacked it up in more than a kids keepnet this time for the pic’s. I can feel a Chronicle caption coming on !!!!“.
“Just a word of warning chaps. Anyone fishing the Ging on 15th-16th may have more in their swim than they bargained, with the copious amounts of Horse manure being deposited in the lake to help cloud it up. Yeah I know that a lot of you already put bait into the lake which is of equal quality to Horse droppings but you wont be able to beat this quantity“.
“Do you think the fish will get on it, whats the break down time on a dropping, is it enzyme active, is it from Mainline, will Willy get on it ???“.
“Stop press.......Had an email from dear old Flipper ......”well me old mate, having just read through your latest update I thought that I had better put this in writing. During Sunday afternoon I decided to visit the swim that you had fished as it had been a sunny day. Imagine my suprise to see a few fish showing, knocking the reeds to hell. A quick decision was made (all of 2 sec's) to pack up in the dugout and get myself round there. After consulting my oracle on my choice of tactics it was decided to fish pop ups on all three rods, 1 at 2", 1at 4" and 1 at 9" straight off a 1 oz lead, flying backleads were used on all three rods (no line bites).Just over an hour later after casting to the reeds I had a screaming run and after a few minutes I had a 17lb 10oz winter mirror in the net. Although I accept that none of the three fish that I caught were huge by any standards after three months of blanking they were certainly more than welcome. It's been hard going m8 but it has been worth it as eventually it seems to click and everything goes right”“.
“Nice one chap.......that means that there are only 496 left to catch now !!!!“.
“Have you ever heard the song “Rubber Band Man”...........Dear old Flipper (He of the Domestos bleached hair fame) had a bit of a social with us on the Friday down at the Ging in the most social of tents to keep out of the driving wind and rain. Guzzling the “Amber Nectar” like it was going out of fashion and taking the “P” as you do, decided to take up Lurch’s kind offer of a Fag or two. I don’t know what was in the said “roll up” but if certainly made an impression on dear old Flipper“.
“The effects of gravity overpowered him from his bucket and the Rubber band legs went out in search of his bivvy. Concerned with his safety, a search & rescue party was sent out to look for him amongst the trees (or in the water) and was eventually found by his van spouting gibberish........nothing new there then !!!“.
Must have been interesting about midnight though when our Flipper had a run (which eventually he hit) and played the fish on his knees, as the absence of muscle control in his legs deserted him at that critical moment.
“Our Eddie, doing a couple of nights in the “Blackberrys” showed off his prowess with the marker rod and smashed it into a 3 piece on the first cast, and then looked over to me to ask if he could borrow mine !!!“.
“What with Flip’s catch of the one earlier and two more he had afterwards and one other out, there is only 492 left to catch. Mind you, with all the blanking going on the fish must feel quite safe at the moment“.
“I tried a new bait out the weekend......Shhhhhhh secret squirel !!!. The tench liked it, the carp didnt and were splashing and rolling over it all night. It got so frantic, I thought our Flipper had gone for a swim in the lake what with all the porpoise’ing going on“.
“Speaking of our “Domestos” fieldtester Flipper, he had a quite one over the weekend with just a couple to his rods. Mind you he had to fish a new swim from his normal haunt as Grimley was squatting in it (obviously you did not buy the freehold for the dugout then M8 !!), armed with a map, compass and a GPS receiver hope he found his way back home again“.
“Daves pallet’s happy again as Daves back on the water. Shame he was fishing the carpet and not Thorpey’s as the poor thing was sobbing all night that Dave did not come and talk to it. Never mind we will bring it over to you for a visit soon“.
“Dave must be getting more accurate with his casting though as we did not see a load of spods and marker floats festooning the pylon cables in his swim“.
“We are getting worried about Peter the pole’s eyesight, as he spotted a “jack pike” in the margins which looked to everyone else as a collapsed reed. Makes you wonder what he’s up to with Hannah (or not) to cause the deficency in his sight. I suppose the next thing is he will be presenting a chum mixer to a submerged log for a day and wondering why he is not getting any takes“.
“Our Mo is starting to get “The Lonely Syndrome” after doing a night on the road bank. After moving 4 times in 48 hours he got nice and settled on the road slope until we crept up on him after dark to beg (OK steal then) a beer or two.  Jumped out of his skin is not really the phase I would use and it was just as well we were beyond arms length of him at the time. Never mind I am sure he slept really well after we told him about the potential 18 wheeler that could come flying down on him a little bit later once he is fast asleep......Gulp !!!!“.
“The night stalker “Dave” has been doing the rounds again and coming and going with not a wisper, still he did manage to wind up Lurch by stating his tackle was “antique” and was he a collector“.
“Our Flipper (He of the the sun kissed hair.........or Baywatch reject....whatever) is still having a whale (or porpoise) of a time on the Ging and having some more out. Can’t understand how he’s doing it, maybe he’s talking to them in his Dolphin tones, maybe its his fine angling skills, or more probably it’s running his hands through his hair before handling his bait, as it is well known that carp are hair dye addicts“.
“That’s obviously the reason why moi is struggling with the carp, cos’ I am going for the distinguished look“.
“Talking about “Bleach’y”, I missed out on seeing him “rubber band “ back to his swim again on Thursday night (3rd April). Evidently not learning from his first encounter with Eddie and his tobacco...Cough !!!, he had to inflict his legs to more ungainly directions in trying to walk, making Peter and Ed think that he had broken something or was trying to resemble a road accident victim“ .
“Mind you our Flipper is always up for a beer or a case, we understand and was last seen on Saturday night taking striding back from a social with a carrier bag of tins to take to bed. We thought Dopey Mick was possessive of his beer but even he doesn’t sleep with them !!!!“.
“Dopey brought Matchstick with him for an outing over the weekend and had a mixed time. Crushed a few dozen tins, had a Chinese, got violently ill, had a blazing row, and fell in up to his chest in the lake.........sounds like a normal weekend for Mick then !!!!!!!! “.
 “Willy popped down to the lake for the weekend, bivvied up and fished for all of 8 hours (in between work, Mac Donalds, buying sweets, getting new rod licences, sun bathing down at Southend and buying a 4 ton Japanese truck) and gave us a few giggles. We did not know that Deeeeewaaaaa made trucks and hope it has more than 4 ball bearings in the one that the Lonely one has procured“.
“It’s a big motor though and his driving position is a bit different from most, as he was seen hiding behind the steering wheel driving it (even though he was sitting on a booster seat). Good car though, as it has his and hers beer can holders in the front (we understand Mick and Flipper are both interested in buying one)“.
“The girls all came down on Friday & Saturday night..... Gez, the Blonde bombshell
, Hannah, the delectable one, Kaz, she of the rampant rabbit fame.......oops you told me Ed, and the lovely Rosh, the Gerbil lover. Gez’s son did the mission impossible and managed to shut up Flipper with a slating on his looks.........now I really thought that was just improbable, not impossible as we having been trying for ages !!!!“.
“Our Willy feels the cold even when the sun was shining and it was roaring hot and just has to dress up in his “Mission Impossible” fatigues (Black one piece thermal suit)........unfortunately the likes of Pete, Dave and Neil ripped into him (I would never,...... would I M8) and suggested he looked like an Iraqi suicide bomber, Tom Cruise.......Nah, A desert Rat (Gerbil), a Mole (he’s got eyes, apart from that I could see the resemblance though), the man in the “Black Magic advert”................close, but he did not have a load of bandages on his arms and legs so I discounted that one, a reject from the S.A.S (we own the night ......hughhhhhhh (discounted that one also as Willy is afraid of the night)“.
“Peter the Pole made some new (under-aged) friends on the new two way radios we are using, Tesco’s trolley men and his car wash mates (especially “Jugs”). Just a shame they never turned up to wash Flippers car as we had organised though for the princely sum of £20.00........or perhaps they did after w pulled off the lake !!!!!. Having said that our Flipper gave them a lesson in the English language......they must have learnt a few new words then !!!!!!“.
“Stop Press..........The rubber hook award of the week goes too Neil (Yoda) who managed to disconnect himself from 4 fish“.
“Stop Stop Press..........moi had the last laugh and managed finally to gag Flipper by having 6 fish out the weekend beginning with “C”..........how many bream have you now had then Bleachy then ??????“.
“Stop Stop Stop Press...........”Daves” been re-united with his pallet and was last seen running off together into the woods in the dead of night !!!!!!“.
“The last word of the Gossip and Snide rumours for the weekend was imparted to me (as soon as I arrived at the lake) by our on site reporters................word has it that our Flipper (He of the Sun In look) has started a new fad in piercing the Body. Flippers now going for the pierced nose job with the famous “Nose R Us” hooks with matching yellow boilie, hanging from and bleeding from his left nostril. He tried telling everyone it was an “accident” and hooked himself in the nose “whilst bending down”...........What on the floor ??? Must have been a pop-up then !!!!!!!........but if he had hooked himself in the posterior would it have been a balanced bottom bait then.....Tee Heeeeee !!!!!“ .
“It’s been a while since we have updated this page (unfortunately work gets in the way occasionally !!), mind you that does never represent a problem to our Flipper as he fits in work around his fishing !!“.
“Yoda’s been up to new tricks now that he’s “braided up” on his main line and does not know his own strength after putting 2 up in the pylons..................see, everyone can do that now not just “Dave”. Having said that he also had a bait boat go out and come back in a decidedly wobbly fashion the same night (can you get done for being drunk in charge of a bait boat ???).........quite a good weekend for the chap really as to top it all we had to pack his gear up and take him home after he was feeling decidedly poorly. We were not sure if it was too much of the “Amber nectar”, or the sunbathing (only a knotted handkerchief was missing and he would have looked the part at Brighton beach), or the fumes from the dodgy Colemans leaking fuel“.
“Darren (the Totaliser) was taking up a new occupation as a tree surgeon, after an hours frantic sawing, to remove a few trees, roots and half of the aquatic life at that end of the lake (whilst we looked on.....teee hee) so that he could enlarge his swim, put his rods out for the weekend and blank very hard“.
“Our Flipper was in a bit of an excited state in the early hours. There I was fast a kip when a great thundering of hoofs came up to my bivvy when a crazy guy bellowing “I’ve got a thirty”,I’ve got a thirty”,I’ve got a thirty”. Yeah great, go back to sleep !!!!. Boots on I wandered over to Flips swim and sure enough he had one of the known thirties “Cluster” on the mat. Weighed up it was down on it’s weight but still went a very satisfying 29.4lb. A new PB for our Flip and hopefully some free bait from Elite ........well done to the Barbie doll !!!!!!“.
“Willy (he of the scared of his own shadow fame), fishing on the other bank heard all the commotion and thought someone was being attacked. He was last seen wandering around the banks with a rubber mallet looking for someone to hit. Now there a frightening thought !!!!!“.
“A few of us have made the decision to move onto another water for a change of scenery for the next season, a new complex of lakes, a new vista, no power cables, no road, no 18 wheelers, no mobbed lake, no factory lights, no SFB.........bliss. Don’t know how I will get to sleep if it’s so quite !!!!!“.
“Mind you word has it that “Poggyman” is miffed with moi for some reason, and is not sorry to see me go to pastures new. Perhaps the blanks are getting to him, or is it he does not know how to take a “micky take” !!!“.
““Little Rob” had a blinding result after coming back from OZ. He could not wait to get them rods out and catch a carp and after landing Snottie after Snottie ( I knew he would catch some in the end, even he cannot be protected from the dark forces forever !!!) eventually had a brilliant 29.10lb mirror. Mind you the 11lb plus Bream he had was a great result (cant wait to see your pic holding the slimey thing on the new front cover Rob) (cough)“.
“I’ve had to put the following in under threats from the lads !!!!. After weighing a 24.8lb “pug” common caught by Neal in the dead of night and having a coffee or two my buzzer broke into a warble and off I run like Linford Christy (lunchbox dangling) all of 20 yards and came to a splatter into the back of my bivvie.......No it was not the camo viper , it did have a green overwrap on it I will have you know !!! (if it was camo’d I would not have ran into it I am sure chaps !!!!!)....still had the fish out though“.
“Over to the “Pack” we had an outing for the May day break. Neal, Cliff and I got there late Friday and found a lot of the swims taken....... Well Cliff did mainly, as he turned up at 6pm and then did not move into a pitch until after dark (must have got lost though as he ended up on another lake !!!!), soaked through, panting and Tea-less !!!“.
“It is a fair old trek with the barrow though to this lake and a few stops are in order (The excuse I use is that I am looking for fish on the other lakes on the way up the track.....it works for me !!!!) .“
“Neal fell into the swim on my right and had a few bleeps on his right hand rod during the night, rushed out found that his swim had been invaded by a wandering tree pushed over by the wind. Me on the other hand bivvied up under a tree that was in the process of falling down as it was held together by a thin slither of wood. The annoying thing was even after I moved the bivvie (after two sleepless nights) the damned thing still did not fall down in the wind“.
“Our Willy even braved the journey to the lake with his B & Q barrow (looked like a Smithfield market trader) bivvied up and spent the night playing with ducks, swans, tufty’s and geese.....must have run his Delkim batteries down a bit !!!!!“.
“We hear he’s applying for membership of the R.S.P.B now“.
“He’s also joining on that website “twitchers re-united” some one told us“.
“Back to the “Bread” our “Daves” been wearing furrows from the Fence swim, wandering over to the adjoining lads imparting words of great wisdom. Looked the part as well with his shave head and hooded sweatshirt........looked the part that is of “Uncle Festa” from the Adams family“.
“We hear Dopey Micks been put down by our Flipper (the clubs shiny new bailiff, no less) after he had a go at a couple of guys on the lake.......now thats a first for Mick going quite !!!!!“.
“The blonde bombshell, Flipper got his 29 into carp talk but we hear he is now being plagued by gay magazines for a photo shoot after gaining notoriety. I will manage you M8 for 15% !!!!“.
“Tony and Ed went off to France to fish Chris balls water Etange de reanais ......alo, alo“.
“The fishing’s supposed to be blinding but the rules are a joke: you must have a beanie unhooking mat, you must have a fox weigh sling, no braid, no leaders, no lead core, no barbed, crushed hooks, no line below a certain diameter (the bailiff must have been going round with a micrometer) and obviously no enjoying yourself. Evidently the lads told us that if they are caught with anything on their person (like barbed hooks, not the other stuff (cough)) they would get thrown out !!!!!. Knowing Chris Ball’s love of floater fishing we would not be surprised if you could only fish with Chum mixers on the lake (not Tesco’s own brand of course) !!!!!“.
“Our Sniffers off to Bills lake in the company of Willy, for a weeks dangling shortly. Armed with shiny new rods and a new combat our Willy will certainly look the business and will hopefully haul a few out. The trip even includes 5kg of bait as well (that enough for Willy for 3 years we understand) and even evening trips out to the Champaign capital Reims. Just don’t let Sniffer lead you a stray “mini me” and keep away from red lights, loose women and dogs (or foxes) on heat!!!!“ .
“Don’t worry lads we will keep your other half’s occupied whilst you are gone !!!!!“.
“Heres one for you Arsenal fans......heh, heh“.
The lads text’d us over the weekend to say that they have got to “Freds lake” (Bills mate) and the lake looks great. Willy had us concerned though as he said that “Have we got a rope and a life jacket that he could lend, because the swims are steep”..........Where have they gone then, a lake on top of a mountain.........don’t worry lads we will console your better half’s if you drown“.
“Still he said the foods great, must be a good MacDonalds close then“.
“Sniffers had a 30 and a 22 (How many bait and rig changes did you make then Dave ????) and Willy Wonga has had a 10lb and a Snottie.......long way to go for a snottie then Will, Gingers only 5 minutes from home !!!...........I thought you said it was a good swim M8, hope you packed that 16ft keepnet, looks like you are going to need it“.
“Back to Ginger............Moi and Neal were going to the Pack for the weekend but changed our minds when we thought about barrowing the gear to the lake and back again in the rain, so Ginger again it was. Mr Pants did not get down because he was stuck in traffic.........funny that we thought you were at home resting your eyelids !!!“.
“Steve (pit bull) had a right result by way of 5 Snotties during the day and night and I am sure he was over the moon that he caught them in plain view of moi who gave him a hearty applause on each fine capture“.
“Stuart, “Flippers Mate”, tried to imitate the grand master by going in after a fish upto his chest.......If you are going to go in M8 you have to strip to your boxers and only if rescuing swans !!!!!“.
“We hear on good authority that our Dopey Mick has broken his arm. Must be why he was not on the lake then if his drinking arms in a plaster cast....having said that he was probably in hospital on an intravenous Fosters export drip“.
“Talking about great beer drinkers, Little Rob may be taking Mick’s crown for downing a few as he did 18 cans in 2 hours whilst listening to the Arsenal / Southampton game down the lake. The main difference we can make is that we can still understand Rob after he has had a few !!!!“.
“Our semi-professional carp angler M8, Flipper had a few (carp as well), but we were a little put out by his eating habits though, as he turned down Stuarts Burgers and chicken BBQ for a king sized Trifle.... (A Tart or what)“.
************STOP PRESS ********** “Willy Wonga and Sniffer are hauling now with Will getting a new PB in the shape of a brilliant 45.8lb mirror. When he sent a text this morning about his catch I though any pic’s taken of the slim one would be drawfed by the lump (Carp that is), but no, the Lonely opnes obviously been eating Bills grub and looks like he’s put on an ounce or two !!!”.
Well done geezer !!!!
“Well its been a while since this page was updated as I have been on another lake as well as fitting the odd session at Ginger before the old ticket runs out......“.
“Willy and Sniffer have returned from there “experience” at Bills lake in France..................... We are not sure about the “Experience” bit though as we do not know if they mean the Carp fishing or the loose women of Reims !!!!!“.
“We heard sniffer was well up for a little “sortie” into town with our Willy (as his minder), as he was told (by me) that women were attracted by full grown blokes walking with there kids !!!! (should have worked in the dark anyway)“.
“Willy evidently impressed the other anglers on the lake though by his skills in playing logs in and telling everyone that would listen that it was a big fish..........more about this when they write a review page on Bills lake for the site“.
“Whilst still on the subject of our intrepid Willy, he tells us that the food was so good that he ate every day and came home 12 ounces heavier than he left blighty. Could that be from Dave firing three 4 oz leads into his mouth by catapult whilst Willy was asleep then ????“.
“Word reached our ears that Paul “magic” Webb’s M8 had a big fish out of the Ging one afternoon before the season ends.........(by magic, do they mean a Paul Daniels look alike, or does that refer to his captures magically appearing in angling papers a couple of times a year showing the same fish, caught on the same day, with a different shirt on and from different lakes/rivers and in differing parts of the country......or are we just getting confused then ???).....we digress..........“.
“Great result from the lake as it bottomed out 32lb scales, and because they did not really want to know it’s true weight, did not bother to get a heavier set of scales and just returned the fish after a few pics...........we suppose that if you are always catching big fish “ a tiddler” like that is nothing special !!!!“.
“The great wise one, Mr Pogmore did give us a chuckle when he came out with a blinding statement “that they could have weighed it properly as they both had 32lb scales, with two of them being used that would have given them 64lb too weigh “!!.....................Not great at science and maths was our Anthony at school then !!!!, but still that was a long time ago“.
“As a few of us are leaving the Ging for pastures new a leaving bash was organised (with integral BBQ and lashing of the old Amber Nectar).....so the grabbing of the social circle was in order“.
“Our Sniffer and the blonde bombshell Gez, was in the dug out doing battle with all those lovely Bream and Tuftys (no change from Bills lake then for you M8 !!) are Willy and Rosh having bivvied up finally after having gone to work in Beirut, Pants’y in the cut out (asleep  as normal), Ed the duck and Mrs Ed the duck in the fence, Moi in the carpet, and Flipper and his best M8 (48 tins of Lager) in Thorpy’s“
“Sniffer had a right result running down a 3ft snake with his motor we understand whilst leaving the lake and had to steer violently into the escaping reptile path to run his tyre over it. The said reptile was brought immediately to our Willy’s swim where “The Brave “ one tried to give it mouth to mouth resuscitation and upon failing the lovely Rosh had a go as well .............(well we are sure she has more experience with mouth to mouth with large snakes than Willy.........but there again !!!!“.
“All this was unknown to moi and I duly arrived in our Will’s swim to find what I believed was a plastic snake curled on the ground and put it on top of his Combat...........(thought it was a bit strange that the “plastic snakes” tongue flickered when I put it down...........”just thought it was an ingenious Korean one” and it activated when the tail was touched !!!!!).........at least it encouraged a reaction as Rosh was shouting “get it off, get it off” .......theres me thinking, “wait until dark at least girl & until Will goes to work/ bowling/ a long drive / Macdonalds/ car repair” !!!!!“.
“Our Flipper joined in the festivities and whilst not leaving the lake, ate and drunk as though he was“.
“Leaving our Willy’s swim we think he had a few too many as within 20 yards had slipped over into the long grass and was found shaken and stirred with his legs and arms in the air. First impressions of the site of our Flippers demise, was a “"weevil"” upside down............ A new name for our Flipper now as he is better known as “Slipper”“. Can’t understand how he missed the warning sign though !!!
“We thought it was best to retire to our bivvy’s though when well into darkness the collective voices of the Ginger bread choir went into action, that of our Lonely, Pantsy and Sniffer started to sing, Drifters songs, and Tom Jones tunes (even god thought it best to shut them up so to, as the heavens opened up !!!!)“.
“A good weekend had by all and I am sure everyone will miss the delights of the social circle at the other lakes......thats unless we can get away with it.......mmmmmmmmmmmm“.
“Our Slipper the great blonde mountain should be well into married bliss as I type this. Better sell your gear off now then chap as you wont be fishing that much from now on !!!!!!“.
“There again we understand knitting whiles awy the time M8“.
“Flipper and the Bat will be acting as our “Secret squirrels"” down at the lake as I will not be about, so they will give us the low-down on the down and outs activities at the Ging“ .
“We hear that the delectable Hannah (Peters desirable other half) is in the family way. Not sure who the father is yet but the likely suspects are the postman, milkman, Neil or the Sky cable installer..............How many visits does it take to install a satellite dish then !!!!. Pete says he’s not guilty.........Good luck to the both of you“.
“Mind you the bivvies going to be a bit cramped with a cot in it, but at least the babies toys will give Pete something to play with“.
“The lads and I have just returned from our sortie to de Boux in central France and it turned out to be a good crack and a reasonable trip. The major result was from Peter the “whippet” with a blinding 46.2lb mirror (his PB by almost 21lb........another one that has missed the 30lb stepping stone) and Darren “Termi” with his PB 31.8lb mirror. The other result was the list of occurrences and injuries to “Pants’y Cliff“.
“The load up in the early morning hours was going blindingly with the motors and the trailer getting loaded with the mountains of gear (mainly Cliffs) when the trailer moved off and ran over Pantsy’s foot a couple of times. Hobbling and shouting about his demise (we did not laugh and were all ever concerned .........not !!!), he was asking to borrow one of Whippets (Petes) shoes (size 12) to go on the flattened limb, whilst wearing his normal size 9 on the other foot. Images of a clowns foot flooded the mind and only the red nose was missing.........that was to come later in the trip after a sunburn !!!!. Mind you he can now apply for a job with the Cambs police force as a flat foot now“.
“Imagine that was only when 2 wheels ran over his foot, it could have been far worse when the Artic in France narrowly missed running over him again with another 6 !!!“.
“Upon arrival at the lake on the Saturday morning, Flatfoot decided to walk back from the showers through the fields, rather than drive back in the motors and was chased down the hill by a bull (whether the bull had amorous intentions to Cliff or wanting to use him as a scratching post (same thickness...........mmmm) or it thought Cliff was an easy target as he was dragging his flattened limb “Forest Gump” style we are not sure, he made it safely over the electrified fence to safety“.
“As the week went on Flatfoot was giving us concerns as whether or not to “hospitalise” him due to the pink and burnt nature of his body after sunbathing in 35c of heat. At least some parts of his body were unaffected and the now looking “Crabstick” had a few white bits mainly around his Jesus boot straps (Carp sandals or are they Startrites ??, or gaffer tape marks). When it was colder at night we are sure our Neil went and had a cuddle with him from Crabsticks radioactive glow to keep warm.........but there again we heard the French power industry were interested in connecting him up to the power grid as well“.
“Stalking around the following mornings on his spindle legs, Crabstick looked every part the Flamingo and we noticed even the Herons on the lake were taking more than a passing notice in him !!!“.
“Peter the Whippet felt sorry for him and tried in vane to put the Flamingo out of his misery upon his visit to our swims. The Flamingo was really suffering with a tooth ache (see jaw ache) and proceeded to whack the red one in the face at the point of pain with his landing net pole. Whilst unsuccessful in his attempt the thought occurred to us of using some mole grips that were in the trailer........mmmmmmmm“.
“Our Darren the Termi is now getting used to his new rods and does not know his own strength. After dark he whacks a lead over to the far margin and gets his lead stuck on a fence. The Pink Panther “Cliffy” decided to give him a hand and dons his thigh waders and light in land pops off along to find the entangled rig. The rig was tied up as was thought on the fence and standing in the water the pink panther unravels the rig and gets a bit more into the bargain when a zap of electricity and sparks hits the poor chap from the electrified fence...........tee heeeee“.
“On the other bank Whippet and I had the premonition that this was going to happen and nearly rolled in the lake when we fell off our buckets splitting our sides !!!!!“.
“We are sure from the flash that we saw his skeleton flicking in and out“.
“Twigglet had little success even on the drive home. We could not work out what was going on in his motor as all we could see was his arms waving widely and the motor rocking. All was revealed when we stopped as a cornered wasp decided to take a fancy to him and stung Cliffy 3 times. What with rounding off the trip with a head butt to the car window, a good time was had by the geezer and he is booked into a rehabilitation clinic to recover............Now all we need to do is sort out the next trip to France ............Coming Cliff ????“.
“Now thats Cliff out of the way, what about the rest of the lads...........mmmmmm. See next instalment“.
“The gingerbread crew (or what’s left of them) are still hauling them out, with our Flipper (“Slipper” or many of his alter aliases), Dopey Mick , and even “Dave” catching“.
“Our Beach Barbie, Flipper had a good result from the Boom boom swim having a good few out amongst the shoals of Tench and Bream that took a delight to his baits. Trouble is that Flips could not get too sleep from the noise of the traffic..............We suggested that counting Trucks crossing the bridge might help him, as the quieter alternative down the Pack counting bats works for us !!!!!!“.
“Mind you counting trucks to get too sleep might be a problem for the Domestos head as he has not got enough fingers to count to 599 !!!“.
“Still it’s probably best that no one sleeps down at the bread with our light fingered race minority Gypo’s across the water taking more than a passing interest in all that shiny tackle !!!!!“.
“We hear that Dopey Mick has joined the A.A , thought it was the RAC he was with, until someone pointed it put that it was the other AA.......the “Chinky” must have stopped selling Lager then !!!!“.
“Our untamed Rottweiler M8, Martin, has been down for one of his rare bailiffing visits down at the Bread and caught our good M8’s, Lurch and Whippet “guesting” at the lake. Rather than letting the duo off with a warning and procuring a ticket before their next visit, their good “M8” turfs them off without a by nor leave. The fact that Rotti has enjoyed their company at socials for the last 7 years at the same water did not obviously cloud his mind !!!!“.
“Still it’s one way of reducing anglers at the water and membership isn’t it !!!!“.
“Talking about our Rotti (he of “Duke Nukem”, WMD fame), our Flipper we understand is also a closet “Weapons of Mass Destruction” man. Following in the nukeing of all the main reed’s in the lake of Rotti fame, our Flips has taken his wrath on the “dugout” and flattened the swim as well. Not a tree in sight now, still never mind there’s a better view of the traffic on the road now !!!!“.
“The MOD were obviously looking in the wrong place for WMD in Iraq and should have looked a tad closer to home !!!!“.
“Is it true, is it a rumour, or did we hear right that “Mr Magic” himself has been terminated from the Bread by our Rotti. Certainly got the bit between your teeth this year M8. We wouldn’t mind betting that our “Pogi” acts as his defence lawyer though !!!“.
“Not sure who’s “Nuked” the Blackberry’s swim though, as our Goldielocks never fishes over that side of the lake and if he did he would get lost !!!“.
“Our Flipper has added a new nickname to his repetoir in the form of “Thor” god of thunder, we understand. It appears that one night, a couple or three blokes decided to use Flipper as target practice whilst he was quietly supping his evening cans (sorry fishing) down at the Ging. When the rocks came hurtling towards him, the quite man pops into the back of his van, picks up a claw hammer and a 2lb hammer and hurtles across the other side of the lake after them waving them with intent !!!. Whilst he did not catch up with the rock throwers (better stick to tomahawks M8) it gave the lads a chuckle who were fishing in the adjoining swims though !!“.
“Oh we do like to be beside the seaside, oh we do like to be beside the sea !!!!!!.........A new pier building work party has being on the Ging to re-create the Victorian majesty of the the ill fated Brighton pier. Are you sure it’s for fishing off lads ??, what about adding a few slot machines and a Jim Davidson cabaret ??. Perhaps they should suffer the same fate as the originals !!!“.
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