Due to a surprisingly good response to the first issue of "Celebrity Game Review", issue two has been brought forward....! Last issues stuff is archived under the "View Issue One" link, below. There is more stuff in this issue than last time around, so when you get to the bottom of this page click on "Give me more love" and you'll be brought to the second page of high brow hilarity. THIS HERE SITE WILL BE UPDATED IN 24 HOURS....!!!!!
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| Hello readers, Jessica Fletcher of Murder She Wrote fame
here. Now that I've abandoned my scheme of travelling across America, committing
murders, framing other people for them and then putting them in my books
- I've got plenty of time to preview the Dreamcast. At least until those
dumb American rozzers finally sus me out.
Well all you lucky fellas will be able to get your hands on a DC when it gets released on 23/9/99 (unless of course you have mega bucks like me and already got yours imported). According to the official blurb, the new addition to the Sega massive will be the worlds first 128 bit console, 15 times more powerful than the Playstation and 10 times more powerful that the N64. But as all female novelists know, it's not power that counts - it's quality. Sega are hoping that quality will arrive in the shape of games like Sonic Adventure, Virtua Fighter 3TB, House Of The Dead 2 (a shoot em up based in a hotel after I've done my dirty work) , Sega Rally 2, Bass Fishing, Toy Commander, Incoming and the one I'm personally looking forward to, Uefa Striker. Of course no console would be complete without games that have stupid names and Sega have decided to give us stupidity like Buggy Heat (fnar), Snow Surfers (no doubt a cocaine based snort em up), Red Dog (fnar, fnar) Blue Stinger (Sega must like games with colours in the title) and Hydro Thunder (a game where you sit in the bath and make bubbles via the medium of farting, I think). Of course the main reason Sega are waving their manhood about in a smug fashion, is that you can go on-line with your DC and view this site on your telly. A keyboard will set you back 20 quids, which is nice. Be warned though, by all accounts Sony and Nintendo will be slashing the prices of their consoles to something like 80 quid! So why not do yourself a favour and buy a Playstation when they're cheap if you haven't gotten one already or even get yourself an N64 to play Golden Eye on. Well, I'm off to see a Marilyn Manson concert now, stay safe kids. |
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| Back by amazingly
popular demand...
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| Eh up, kids! Uncle Paul here again with more tips and cheats pulled from the body of the beautiful Debbie McGee. You'll like this - NOT A LOT! (haha - Everybody.) If you want unlimited ammo in the game Hidden And Dangerous then type in "allammo" at any point in the game. Fab, eh? Ok, time for a quick trick before I go. I'm going to take this plastic egg cup and place it over the yellow spongy ball, right? Now, watch carefully..... (Paul lifts up the egg cup again). Hey...! See, it's gone..! Did you like that? (Ball drops out of false bottom in egg cup). Oh dear. Seriously though, do you know where the nurse keeps the key to the drinks cabinet? I could do with some brandy cos I'm getting the cold sweats again. Also, when I went home last week to see the beautiful Debbie Mcgee, she was putting suitcases full of her things onto the roof of Bob Monkhouse's Volvo. She said she was just going to a weekend long party at Rolf Harris's castle to celebrate the 100th episode of Animal Hospital, but she still hasn't come home. Listen, if I give you this fiver I stole from the caretaker will you buy me some cheap cans in the offy? Go on, please...I'll show you the egg cup trick again...! |
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Batman was on the case again this week as his investigations into the perverse world that exists in internet chat, took a new low. Once again, what follows is 100% authentic (unlike the other fluff on this site). Xenon__ (toeff@ti27a03-0053.dialup.online.no) <Xenon_> hi <Batman> Hello there. <Batman> I am male. <Batman> Er... <Xenon_> tell me about your fantasies? <Xenon_> i like dominant men...... and i like all kinds off dirty activities..... <Xenon_> i like a dominant men to tell me what to do, i like ass(feeling - JC.), ass(looking. - JC.) etc. <Xenon_> I'm 52. <Xenon_> I'd love to get tied up by you so you could (feel - JC.) me in the ass. <Xenon_> Do you have any rope? :P <Batman> Well, I do have a grappling hook, but that's for crime fighting purposes only. <Batman> Y'know, for climbing buildings and stuff. <Xenon_> ok <Batman> Black rubber. <Xenon_> what do you like????? <Xenon_> talk to me.... And without a sound, Batman was gone...
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| Hi Fellas!
If you're hungry like the wolf, much as I am, when it comes to retro games, then you'll like this! His name is Robocop and he dances along the street (while shooting). Ahh, it is with fond memory that I look back in time and remember Oceans Robocop on the Spectrum. I got it for my birthday and marveled at the monochrome graphics and awful sampled speech "Zzzzchk serf the publik trustfufffff." It may have been very easy but it was such a smashing little game. You even got your own personal view to a kill when you viewed some levels from Robo's pov and got to use his targeting system to shoot rapists in the crotch - something which no doubt pleased eight year old gamers all over the world. Fans of the film were obviously unable to resist the reflex to purchase a copy as Robocop stayed at the top of the charts so long it ended up in the Guinness Book Of Records! Girls on film.......... Girls on film! |
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