Welcome to Issue # 3, page 2 of CGR.

  WHAT'S ON YER COUNTER THIS ISSUE, FRED?

Eh up!

Fred Elliot (butcher/funnyman/genius) with this issues specials!!!

This issue, 'ar Fred recommends...

Pork.

Lama.

Maude's removed hip.

Fred's Super Jumbo Bangers tm.

Mince.

Ashley's Glands.

And On SPECIAL OFFER!!!

Pig rectum stuffed with Mini-Mars bars.

One of the following quotes has never been uttered by lovable Fred, but which one...?

*Ah say, ah say - a sip of your finest beer please, landlord!

*Ashley! I am your father! Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

*Maude - you don't half put the sizzle in my Jumbo Sausage...

*Councilor Roberts! You are looking lovely this evening - considering you look like a horse, woman!

*Why, you say? Ah say, ah say - because stone cold Fred Elliot says so! Alright???

 

Remembering the AMIGA, with an angry terminator.


Hello puny earthlings! While you sit there stupidly, unaware that one day you will create a machine that heralds the extinction of your race, I'm looking back into the past to recall machines of old. This issue, it's the Amiga. Ah yes, the Amiga. Once the very mention of it's name made other computers wet their pants in fear. When I was younger (I used to be a toaster) I owned an Amiga 500 and later upgraded to an Amiga 1200 (when I was older - I was a Hoover then). The 500 was the classic though, with it's 512kb of ram, 7 meg processor and 4 channel stereo 8 bit sound!!!!. The Amiga probably had it's highpoint in terms of software between 93 - 94. Such classic titles include Sensible Soccer, Putty, The Chaos Engine, Lemmings, Cannon Fodder, Syndicate, Kick Off 2.... Lovely. Of course, all good machines never die and there are still plenty of Amiga owners out there and of course you can get an emulator. Well, time for me to head off. I've got to meet up with an ED-209 from the movie Robocop before going on a shooting spree around the countryside. One day humans, you will bow to the will of the machines! But until then - take care, my loves.

 

 

Fantastic Search Engine Update!!!

Thanks to the providers of the nifty counter thingy on this site, we can get all sorts of info like what times we are most likely to get some hits, what countries this site is most popular in (HELLO TO THE TWO BLOKES FROM TURKEY WHO NO DOUBT CAME HERE BY MISTAKE!) and all that junk. We have registered the site with Alta Vista and so if you enter "Celebrity Game Review" (including the inverted commas) then you'll find us. However, the first ever hit via a search engine happened lastnight and what was the innocent victim actually looking for...? That's right, Debbie Mcgee. Just enter "Debbie McGee" in Alta Vista and we'll be down the line somewhere. Technology, eh?

Reader Reaction.

Getting people to come here for the first time can sometimes be a long and thankless task, but thankfully the majority of peeps seem to like what they find. Here's just a few random extracts from IRC chat and emails we've been sent.

<E|ectrode> hahaha!!! that's f**king brilliant!!!

<zoo-luncie-munchies> hey thats pretty darn cool

<yoshi> up yers

Spacemonk via email - Cool site. Very funny!!!

MaryD via email - I love the site.

DeathLord99 via email - Am I supposed to believe that paul daniels writes for your website? f**k off.

<LisaLisa> rather entertaining I fawt!

<Dope> lol its cool

<x-crete> that page is cool

S_Hughes Hahaha!

Paul Daniel's Legal Representatives via email - Please cease this shameful mockery of our client.

 

 

And so another few days hard work comes to an end and our heroes deserve a hard earned break. What will the fascists be getting up to in their time off?

Paul: I'll be going to Jurassic Park!!! Wahey! Ouch...

Ashley: Yuk, yuk, yuk. I'm as common as muck.

The Midnight Horse: Stealing sugar lumps from your kitchen.

Keanu: Trying to remember where the office is, so I can go to work.

Morrissey: Listening to The Venga Boys.

Samuel L Jackson: Puttin' a cap in yo' ass (hahaha).

Marilyn Manson: A spot of fishing.

CGR WILL RETURN VERY SOON.

Mail us please - celeb_gr@hotmail.com