I think  we should all just.........

Go gently into the world, and not disturb the creatures,  everyone has a purpose in life - so enjoy your own insanity and be nice to all your friends, real and imaginary ... listen to the music and do no harm to anyone or anything ..have fun while you are at it. Have the courage to love and be loved, because that really is all there is in the end ......

EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

Emotional abuse is the continual diminishment of another. It may be intentional or subconscious or both,  it is always  different situations, not just a single event. It is designed to reduce a person's self-concept to the point where the victim considers himself unworthy - unworthy of respect, unworthy of friendship, unworthy of the natural birthright of all people: love.Even the natural solace of siblings is denied to those victims of emotional abuse who have been designated as the family's "target child." The other children are quick to imitate their parents. Instead of learning the qualities every child will need as an adult - empathy, nurturing and protectiveness - they learn the viciousness of a pecking order. And so the cycle continues. 

We understand and accept that victims of physical or sexual abuse need both time and specialized treatment to heal. But when it comes to emotional abuse, we are more likely to believe the victims will "just get over it" when they become adults.

That assumption is dangerously wrong. Emotional abuse scars the heart and damages the soul. Like cancer, it does its most deadly work internally. And, like cancer, it can spread if untreated. When it comes to damage, there is no real difference between physical, sexual and emotional abuse. All that distinguishes one from the other is the abuser's choice of weapons.  emotional abuse is unique because it is designed to make the victim feel guilty. 

Adult survivors of emotional child abuse have only two life-choices: learn to self-reference or remain a victim. When your self-concept has been shredded, when you have been deeply injured and made to feel the injury was all your fault, when you look for approval to those who can not or will not provide it--you play the role assigned to you by your abusers.

It's time to stop playing that role, time to write your own script. Victims of emotional abuse carry the cure in their own hearts and souls. Salvation means learning self-respect, earning the respect of others and making that respect the absolutely irreducible minimum requirement for all intimate relationships. For the emotionally abused child, healing does come down to "forgiveness" - forgiving yourself.

How you forgive yourself is as individual as you are. But knowing you deserve to be loved and respected and empowering yourself with a commitment to try is half the battle. Much more.

And it is never too soon - or too late - to start.

Survivors of abuse often isolate themselves believing it is easier to go though life totally alone than risk being rejected and hurt again by someone they love. Personal relationships present a real challenge to a survivor of abuse ....

For more information and articles on Child Abuse, the damage it does and on healing - by Jennifer Wood, click on link to Suite 101 - you may have to check archives for the articles

Remember you AREN'T alone ! You don't have to hide from life and love in order to feel safe from the pain. Yes loving someone is scary, and you run the risk of being emotionally hurt, if you are having problems loving and trusting these are issues a good counselor can help you with ... and don't ever accept abuse from your partner - the cycle stops here, for you as well as for your children. No one ever "deserves" to be hurt or abused.

Child abuse leaves scars that may never completely heal, but there is hope and there is help

The most important thing is to STOP the cycle - my children won't lie awake all night listening for footsteps, they won't ever sleep in closets or under beds, hoping and praying they won't be found.  My children will never spend sleepless nights wondering why their mother hated them so much and beat them. They will never carry the emotional and physical scars of abuse.   My children will have healthy relationships, the courage to love, the self respect to be loved and the strength to face the world. There will be no Inner Child crying, even as an adult  for the mother and the love they never had. 
REMEMBER
The cycle stops here !

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