where do you go when there is no place to hide and you're just a little person?

FAT, UGLY, STUPID, USELSS, BITCH, SLUT, PIG, WHORE, FILTHY IGNORANT UNWANTED LITTLE BRAT .........

Between midnight and 4 am, four out of every ten children in the world will be abused in some way.

Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that attacks a child's emotional development and sense of self-worth.

Emotional abuse includes excessive, aggressive or unreasonable demands that place expectations on a child beyond his or her capacity. 

Emotional abuse also includes failure to provide the psychological nurturing necessary for a child's psychological growth and development.

Abuse is often it is a combination of several forms of abuse.

MATHEW'S STORY

     The autopsy showed that Matthew had died of asphyxia, a lack of oxygen. This cause of death was consistent with Vaudreuil's statements to police that she had put her hand over Matthew's mouth and nose to stop him from yelling. Although he was nearly six years old at the time of his death, Matthew weighed only 36 pounds. His face, arms, legs and back were covered in bruises. There were what appeared to be rope burns on his shoulders and wrists, as if he had been bound. His buttocks were covered in bruises and welts. He had a fractured arm, 11 fractured ribs and what looked like the imprint of a foot on his back. Matthew had been tortured and deprived of food before he was killed.   The sad thing is Mathew did not die alone, 263 other children died of abuse and neglect in 1996 and 1997 in Canada.

      In order to determine whether the inadequacies in the ministry's provision of child protection services to Matthew and in the ministry's review of his death were unique or representative, the Inquiry reviewed 264 files of children's deaths held by the superintendent, the deputy superintendent and the ISU/ARD. Thats two hundred and sixty four children who should not have died --- 

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP?

Your presence is the most important gift you can give.
Many people think that to help severely emotionally wounded people they should have highly specialized medical training, or they should know the right things to say in order to make them feel better. That is not true. What is most important to badly hurt people is that they know that you are there, that you wish to understand their experience, and that you care. It is often remarkably simple what people need. They need you to be able to be present, focusing your attention on them, and listening to what they have to say.
REACH OUT - SPEAK OUT- SAVE A CHILD- SAVE A FRIEND

1-800-4-A-CHILD  

WHEN IT HURTS SO MUCH YOU'D RATHER BE DEAD -- AND FEEL THAT YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE ANYHOW BECAUSE YOU ARE SUCH A ROTTEN BAD PERSON.  I
T FEELS AS IF KILLING YOURSELF WOULD BE THE ONLY GOOD THING YOU EVER DID, THE ONLY THING YOU EVER DID RIGHT --- 

CALL THE HOT LINE, REACH OUT TO SOMEONE
There are "angels" out there waiting to help you so let one into your life.

Make the call for someone you know is in real trouble - reach out to them, for them, show them you care

The majority of young people who commit suicide give warning signs beforehand. If you know someone who does any of the following, they may be suicidal and in need of professional help:
threatens suicide
talks about wanting to die
shows sudden changes in behaviour, appearance, mood
appears depressed and sad
has previously attempted suicide
uses drugs or alcohol in excess

"(Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention"

When asked, troubled youth point to the presence or absence of a caring person in their life as a critical factor in their mental health. Listening to and working with youth so they feel part of their community and have hope for their future can make the difference.

LOVE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HURT NOT WHEN   YOU'RE A KID AND NOT WHEN YOU'RE AN ADULT.  IF SOMEONE IS HURTING YOU TELL A TEACHER, TELL A COP. DON'T KEEP QUIET ABOUT IT !! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

SYMPTOMS TO EXPECT FROM AN ABUSED PERSON

The three main symptom clusters in PTSD are:
Intrusions, such as flashbacks or nightmares, where the traumatic event is re-experienced.
Avoidance, when the person tries to reduce exposure to people or things that might bring on their intrusive symptoms.
And Hyperarousal, meaning physiologic signs of increased arousal, such as hyper vigilance or increased startle response.
Although the mechanisms of this connection to traumatic symptoms are not well understood, it appears that betrayal by someone on whom you depend upon for survival, as a child on a parent,   may produce consequences similar to those from more obviously life-threatening traumas, though some child abuse IS life threatening.  Chronic or multiple traumatic experiences are likely to be more difficult to overcome than most single instances. The following are things you may be experiencing - your legacy from childhood abuse:

fear and/or anxiety
grief
disorientation
denial
hyper-alertness or hyper-vigilance
irritability and/or restlessness
outbursts of anger or rage
emotional swings--uncontrolled crying and laughing
worrying or ruminating--intrusive thoughts of the trauma
nightmares
flashbacks--feeling like the trauma is happening now
feelings of helplessness
feelings of panic or feeling out of control
increased need to control everyday experiences
minimizing the traumatic experience
attempts to avoid anything associated with trauma
tendency to isolate oneself
feelings of detachment
concern over burdening others with problems
emotional numbing
restricted range of feelings
difficulty trusting and/or feelings of betrayal
difficulty concentrating or remembering
increased use of alcohol or drugs and/or overeating
feelings of self-blame
shame
diminished interest in everyday activities
depression
unpleasant past memories resurfacing
loss of a sense of order or fairness in the world
expectation of doom and fear of the future

I know it sounds hopeless, what a long long list!   How do you ever overcome ALL of these things and live a healthy normal life?  The first step is in talking about it,  you dont have to keep quiet, you dont have to keep the secret - you dont have to feel ashamed.  FORGIVE YOURSELF - our abusers programmed us to believe that if there wasnt something WRONG with us they wouldnt be abusing us.  THIS IS NOT TRUE>.   Their reasons for abusing us has NOTHING to do with us, or who we are or what we are -- We came into this world as INNOCENT BABIES, who deserved love and caring and nurturing, we did NOT come into this world evil or so hideous and ugly and horrible that we DESERVED to be beaten and abused. 

The fact that you  could NEVER please your abusers does NOT mean that you are stupid or inadequate or a disgrace to your family -
 
You are just  a normal person trying to be the best they can be ..
Healing begins with turning off the "tapes" the abusers made for us, the ones that keep playing over and over in our heads... 

No matter how great the abuse  you have experienced, you may restore your previous emotional functioning, so that you are not feeling pain, terror, shame, fear, or horror all the time. The abuser may have robbed you of a sense of integrity and wholeness, but in time and with  help, you will  be able to resume life with your sense of self restored.  Learn the steps necessary to start healing.  STOP THE CYCLE. .   DONT EVER GIVE UP. 
Healing is one step at a time towards wholeness. You may stumble and fall along the way, but dont ever give up, you are worth it. Do it for you, do it for your children.

ONE SMALL STEP AT A TIME, AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT YOU WILL LEARN TO
LAUGH AND LOVE  AND TRUST ... 

MORE INFORMATION ON ABUSE ISSUES

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