 |
A Quiet Funeral Do It Yourself |
"And death makes equal, the high and low" | ||
| Funeral What to do first Non religious services Save a fortune Before it happens Make it personal How to complain Details Of mice & men Snippets
|
A rough guide You can gain immense satisfaction by making your own funeral arrangements but you will have to use an element of perseverance; there is still a lot of resistance to do it yourselfers. You will need access to a telephone and transport and are advised to make a list of "Things To Be Done". Above all, be prepared for it to take a lot longer than you first estimated but remember that it can be done. Don't panic! A surprising source of practical advice will be the Superintendent of your local crematorium and even some funeral homes. Lying in State One of the first and, indeed the hardest situations to deal with is the practical matter of the disposition of the deceased. If you are determined to arrange all aspects of a funeral yourself then you must be prepared for this one. While a lot of us would prefer the idea that we would be able to keep our loved ones close by until the day of the funeral, nature will act swiftly and the process of a loving and caring funeral made extremely distressing as a consequence. It would be far more sensible to place the deceased into professional hands for the short time required for the arrangements to be made. Any funeral director will be able to remove the deceased to their premises for safe keeping until the time of the funeral - there will be a charge for this service. If you state your intentions at the outset you may have to contact more than one funeral director and it would be better to have made any such arrangements - if possible - before the death occurred. If you wish, the funeral director should be willing to conduct hygienic preparation (embalmment) of the deceased for you. If you want to bring the body home or you would like an open coffin, then you really must consider this service - nature is a most efficient undertaker and will brook little delay. If the person has died at home and has NOT been seen by a doctor within 14 days of death, the coroners officer must be informed. Most usually, police officers will attend and they can contact a local funeral director to remove the deceased to a hospital mortuary. Later, a decision will be made with regard to the necessity of conducting a post mortuum examination to establish the actual cause of death. If the doctor is able to issue a certificate of cause of death, the deceased will remain at home. You may then be able to arrange for an undertaker to remove the remains to his premises until the funeral actually takes place. If the death occurs in a hospital, then the remains will be removed to the mortuary there. You will probably have to request that this happens; most hospitals will expect you to have a funeral director to contact. (Many smaller hospitals and “Nursing Homes” do not have their own mortuary and, in fact, have a local funeral director to effect removals to their premises until arrangements can be finalised). Prior arrangement is the key whenever possible. Pressure may be brought to bear to make the funeral arrangements as swiftly as possible. In some instances, it may be advisable to delay informing those concerned of your do it yourself approach until the last moment and to use the confusion and stress of the event as a reason for not discussing arrangements. If the coroner is not involved and you wish the deceased to remain with you until the funeral then, again, you must seriously consider the need for embalming to be carried out. You will have to request this service and state firmly your wish that it be carried out at your own home. If the body has been left at a hospital mortuary, do confirm availability of access. Not all mortuaries are open every day of the week and even those that are may operate some form of restriction. It would be a shame to delay the funeral simply for the sake of a telephone call. - CHECK. Documentation This is, quite reasonably, a paper intensive task. Most of the people that you come into contact with will, however, be sympathetic to your circumstances and are, most usually, extremely helpful. Be aware that they will also be more used to dealing with the “experts” and may tend to be a little brusque as well. Whenever you can, telephone first to ensure that you have the correct forms and that you are going to the right place at the right time. None of the documentation is difficult to complete - how would the funeral director manage otherwise? - and taking a little time to ensure that you get it right will save any unnecessary delay or complications. Wherever death has occurred, the attending doctor will, unless the Coroner is involved, issue a “Medical Certificate of Cause of Death” - keep this safe, it is needed for registration. Registration All deaths MUST be registered. Contact the local office for the registration of births, marriages and deaths to request an appointment and to verify what other documentation will be needed. Always telephone BEFORE attending. They are very helpful and do try to avoid your having to attend at the same time that a wedding or christening is taking place. Where practical, a death MUST be registered within 5 days . If, for whatever reason, this cannot be done, then a written notification of the death accompanied by the Notice section of the “Medical Certificate of Cause of Death” must be sent to the Registrar. This will allow registration to take place within 14 days. There is a token fee payable for the registration which includes the issue of a “Certified Entry of Death”. It is this document that most of us know as the death certificate. Keep this form for your records and family historians. Now is also the time to ask for copies of this certificate. You will need one for each insurance company and bank, PEP or institution that you have to notify or make claims from. Copies issued at the time of registration are cheaper than ones requested at a later date. The Registrar will also issue a white Social Security "Form BD8" which may be used to notify them of the death and to instigate changes to pension benefits. The final form that you will receive will be dark green in colour and is the "Registrars Certificate of Burial or Cremation" (also known commonly as the Disposal Certificate). This is a Very Important Document and one that you must hang on to. It is this form that you will have to present to any burial or cremation authority and without it the funeral will be DELAYED, CANCELLED or even REFUSED ENTRY to a burial ground or crematorium when you arrive with your funeral party!! This is the only form that officially notifies the cemetery or crematorium that the death has actually been legally registered and that the funeral may, therefore, proceed. Most hospitals and mortuaries require sight of this form before they will release the body. Burial Burial forms vary widely in both their simplicity and their unreasonable complexity. If you are dealing with a cemetery owned or maintained by a local authority then you are advised to obtain copies of their documentation as early as you can. Seek their advice on the completion of the forms and the need for any supporting paper-work such as deeds of ownership etc. Be aware that most burial authorities demand the lodging of correctly completed documentation at least 48 hours BEFORE the funeral date. If you deliver completed paper-work, make sure that you get verification that it is all in order before you go ahead. Some authorities will take the Registrars dark green form at this stage as well, others will expect it to be handed over on your arrival at the cemetery gates - CHECK. Most burial authorities will require any headstone or grave furnishings to be removed before burial. There is not usually a fee for this - only their replacement! If you have the right to a burial in a local churchyard - only parishioners do and only then if there is any space left - then the forms may be really simple but will be obtained from the minister in charge of the church. Be careful when dealing with churches - you usually have to arrange for your own grave digger - CHECK If your desire is for a green field burial then you are in the hands of the land owner - get their permission! If you carry out this sort of burial then you will have to complete the detail on the back of the dark green form and send it to the appropriate place yourself. You can perform a burial on your own land, even in your own back garden, but be prepared for some antagonism from your neighbours - especially if their windows over-look your chosen place of internment. There is some suggestion that estate value may drop after this sort of exercise, certainly you may have to consider the problems to be encountered when it comes to reselling the property. Cremation You may find the crematorium more than willing to assist you in the completion of any necessary documentation and, in some instances, they will have a person assigned to this specific task. You will need to complete an application for cremation form for your local crematorium. You may find that you need to make an actual reservation for a specific day and time for the funeral quite quickly - the funeral directors tend to book in advance, knowing that they can get their paperwork completed and delivered with little delay. You will have to obtain completed cremation certificates from two doctors ( Medical Certificate Forms B & C) - form B MUST be the same doctor who issued the “Medical Certificate of Cause of Death”. Ask him/her to arrange for a second doctor to call and complete the documentation. The two doctors must NOT be from the same practice. There is a fee payable to each of the doctors and they will usually expect to collect it at the time of attendance. If the deceased is in a hospital, then a call to the general office will point you in the right direction - fees are often paid to the office on collection of the completed forms - CHECK. Most cremation documentation must be lodged with their office 48 hours BEFORE the funeral is to take place - CHECK. Most crematoria will expect the green “disposal” certificate to be delivered with the other paper-work - CHECK. Coffin This can be a problem and stumbling block for most would-be DIY funeral arrangers. There are a limited number of coffin suppliers and manufacturers willing to sell items to the general public. There are even a few funeral directors so willing. A lot of telephone calls can find one or the other. One call can sometimes be enough. A problem arises mainly with cremation. The desire to use a home made coffin, while extremely laudable, can encounter huge difficulties with the choice of materials used in it's construction - emission of toxic fumes are very tightly controlled by the authorities. If you intend to make your own container than do check with the Superintendent of the crematorium for details of acceptable substances before going ahead. Some crematoria will accept a body without a coffin, subject to certain reservations, provided that it is clearly labelled. - CHECK. Burials should be less of a problem but always check with the church or local authority before proceeding. One detail that you may forget - notify the grave digger of the outside dimensions of your coffin (measure across the lid) and don't forget to include its depth. If you are using a green-field site then do consider the environment and please use materials that will break down over time. If you succeed in purchasing a coffin from a funeral director and it has plastic handles (most do) then make sure that your bearers lift the coffin by placing their hands underneath - do NOT rely on the strength of the handles alone!! Don't forget to clearly mark the outside of the container/coffin with the name of the deceased and the date of their death. Transport You may be surprised to find that you can *sometimes* hire a hearse as well as limousines. For an extra fee (of course) the drivers will even act as bearers on the day. You will probably have to do a lot of ringing around though. You can use whatever mode of transport that you feel comfortable with. Many funerals have delivered the deceased by estate car. There is even a recorded instance of the coffin arriving strapped to the roof of a family saloon - not a really practical idea. It might seem too obvious but do measure the coffin/container and ensure that it actually does fit inside the chosen vehicle! Be careful if you intend to arrive at a crematorium with something really exotic, however. Please check with whatever authorities are involved before proceeding. Bearers To handle the coffin on the day of the funeral is the last possible duty or act of mourning that many friends can practically perform. It can be an intensely emotional experience. If you are using a standard coffin shape then you should find that four bearers are enough. Six can be crowded and eight will get in each others way! Most crematoriums will provide a trolley to minimise the amount of carrying required - ask. And be practical, these things can be _very_ heavy. You will need at least four lengths of rope or webbing to lower the coffin into a grave. If you have used a private digger then ask to borrow his - don't leave it until the last moment, he may not have them with him. The Coroner If the Coroner has become involved, you must wait for the completion of the post mortuum examination before you can proceed. The Coroner's office will keep you informed and will notify you when their documentation is ready for collection. If a post mortuum has taken place and you intend to cremate the deceased, forms B & C will NOT be required. Do contact the Coroner as soon as possible and notify them of your decision for the disposal - cremation or burial - this will allow them to raise the correct documentation and will help to reduce any delay. If the Coroner decides that there is no requirement for an inquest, death may be registered once the registrar has been formally notified. Summation In all cases,unless the Coroner is involved, register the death BEFORE proceeding. Take the process step by step, check items off your list as you go. Apart from the completion of the paper-work, most arrangements can be completed by telephone. Don't be afraid to ask the people that you are dealing with for their help and advice - by the nature of the work that they are in, they are generally nice folk anyway. Burial Local churchyard - approach the minister Hire a grave digger Arrange for removal and replacement of any memorial Hand over the green disposal form or Coroner's order for burial on the day Local authority cemetery Make application for the purchase of a new plot or re-opening of an existing one. Reserve a day and time Arrange for removal and replacement of any memorial Hand in completed forms 48 hours before the funeral (?) Hand over the green disposal form or Coroner's order for burial on the day Green field Approach the owner Get permission! Hire a grave digger Send completed green disposal form after burial Cremation Get two separate doctors to complete forms B & C Reserve a day and time at the crematorium Hand in completed forms 48 hours before the funeral |
LINKS
The disclaimer bit Persons acting upon information gained from these pages or personal contact do so at their own risk. No responsibility is accepted for the accuracy of any information contained herein. |
