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A Quiet Funeral A Humanist View |
"I know death hath ten thousand several doors for men to take their exit" | ||
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A
humanist funeral is a personal and dignified funeral ceremony for those
who choose to live without religion.
The death of someone we are close to is always a new and bitter experience. We know that time may eventually soothe our grief, but the immediate feeling of shock and loss is very real. WHO IS IT FOR? There are more and more people for whom religion is of little significance, or who have made a clear decision to live their lives without it. For them, a religious service conducted by a religious minister can lack sincerity and bring little consolation. It may not seem to be the right way to say a final farewell, if the one who has died did not accept a religious view of life and death. In this case a non-religious ceremony will probably have more warmth and meaning for everyone. It can also be an acceptable way to bring together members of a family who differ in their religious allegiances. WHO ARE THE HUMANISTS? Humanists are deeply concerned about moral issues, but from a non- religious viewpoint. Humanism continues a tradition which has existed for more than 2,500 years and which flourishes today in many countries. We believe in the good within human beings, and the individual's right to freedom of choice in the main decisions of life and death. All people are equal regardless of sex, culture, age or race, and we must find solutions for problems from within ourselves rather than rely on any supernatural intervention. The British Humanist Association has organised a national network of trained and experienced men and women who understand bereavement and who will work with you to create a personal, caring and dignified funeral ceremony. On the day, they can conduct the ceremony at the crematorium or cemetery on your behalf. WHO ARE THE OFFICIANTS? Humanist Officiants come from a variety of backgrounds, but are all people who can empathise - often from personal experience - with those experiencing the changing fortunes of life. This, and their training, enables them to be sensitive to the distress and vulnerability of a bereaved family. Whatever the circumstances of the life and death, they will not question or condemn. THE CEREMONY The funeral should be a time when family and friends can openly express and share their sadness, as it will probably be the last opportunity for everyone together to focus their thoughts on the person who has died. The ceremony must try to capture the essence of his or her personality so that it will be remembered as an occasion which uniquely and affectionately honoured the life that has ended. The Funeral Director will deal with all the practical arrangements, but it is up to you to indicate what kind of funeral ceremony you would like. Once you have arranged to have a non-religious Humanist ceremony, your Officiant will wish to meet with you and possibly others closely affected by the death. Although the ceremony is usually quite simple, each is different and highly personal, so it is helpful for the Officiant to get to know as much as possible about the person who has died. Most important is the tribute, which contains an account of the person's life and character. This can either by written by a relative or friend, or by the Officiant after he or she has gathered the necessary information. Relatives or friends may wish to participate by reading a passage or a poem, or they may like to contribute their own reminiscences, all of which can make the occasion more moving and special. After all, the ceremony is normally just as much a celebration of the life that has ended as it is a time to bring consolation to those who live on. MUSIC Music can speak directly to the emotions and is often a poignant way to reflect the personality of the one who has died. An organist is normally available, and most crematoria have good facilities for playing cassette tapes and (in many cases) CDs, so that you can provide your own recordings of anything from classical to modern popular music. Live music is another option: anything from a child playing a simple tune on a recorder to a professional string quartet hired for the occasion. WHAT WILL THEY THINK? The kind of ceremony you choose must first of all be right and appropriate for the person who has died and for the close family and friends. However, in any funeral congregation there are likely to be people from various religions, for whom a non-religious funeral may be a new experience. A Humanist ceremony will normally incorporate a short period of silence which gives those who wish it an opportunity for private prayer. In this way everyone is included. You have control over the content of the ceremony, and the Officiant will always be attentive to your wishes. Every Officiant is always careful not to offend anyone, and people often say afterwards how moving, sincere and fitting they found the ceremony. For the immediate family and close friends, it will be a great comfort to have provided a ceremony such as the person who has died would have wanted. PRACTICAL POINTS
Helen Kara, from British
Humanist Asso' text. |
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