Too hot too hot too hot! Tomorrow, whatever happens, I am going to go and sit in the park at lunchtime. Typical of such wonderful weather to come along just at the point where I'm really in no position to enjoy it. I want to go on holiday. Somewhere, anywhere. Rosie phoned this morning from Kazakhstan - she's 6 hours ahead of us now - to say that it was wonderful and we should all visit. I just wish I could... right now I'm more worried about getting a job so I can get on the road again. Adultdom looms - sort of. As everyone keeps telling me, teaching English isn't a proper job... If they could see the amount of work that just goes into creating one lesson, the physical effort it takes to teach... I hope it gets easier, that's all I can say!

* posted by nat 9:46 PM

Saturday, July 28, 2001

NOW what am I going to do? Big Brother's finished and I have no excuse to stay in every night and watch the generally reprehensible antics of a bunch of people who I absolutely can't stand... and I worry about this? Whatever is the matter with me? I'm hardly a big telly fan in the first place - who needs it, my life is wierder and my alternates online far more interesting than a box in the corner of the living room, that doesn't even get decent reception and buzzes to the point of annoyance...
There's another example

I'm far too good at writing sentences that get away from me, take on a life of their own, express themselves in a way that makes no sense to me whatsoever, not that they care. And everything just degenerates into ellipses...

* posted by nat 12:42 AM

Sunday, July 22, 2001

It's been a lazy day spent MU*ing, a mindless activity that isn't actually mindless, just time consuming. It's getting away from it all, creating an alternate reality, but the wonderful thing about it is it's not just inside my own head, it's the product of what's inside the heads of a lot of people. Interactive creativity, if you will, for no purpose other than for our own enjoyment. I think that's the thing I like most about it. When I get bored with it, I can just switch it off. When I need it, I can just log on. It's like an addictive drug without the dangers - apart from that time problem, which is the most problematic of them all. But I'm young. Who cares about time?

* posted by nat 12:14 AM

Wednesday, July 18, 2001

Funny. I didn't think I was stressed. I don't know if it's the weather, the hours (full-time, over-time, into time that doesn't even exist, every day), the whole amount of thinking I'm being obliged to do - I wouldn't have thought so, I'm enjoying being busy, I really am - but all of a sudden I just want to scream at everybody. And when I'm usually so good at having a long fuse, to find that all of a sudden I feel like I want to jump down everybody's throats only serves to make me even more stressed. And yet I still want to argue, but about the fact that I feel like arging, more than any other particular subject. Vicious circle. Ugh.

* posted by nat 8:14 PM

Tuesday, July 17, 2001

Today's been a bit topsy-turvy. One of the girls in my teaching practice group has dropped out of the course so we spent far too much time tearing our hair out over getting a new timetable in order - chaos reigned for quite a while! So we all had to promise to each other that no-one else would drop out. But I think we'll all survive now (fingers firmly crossed!) I still feel worryingly like I should have more work than I'm doing - but I bet it will all catch up with me soon enough - there's this great big sense of foreboding hanging over me (cue Jaws music).

Went dysfunctional shopping this afternoon - 12 Bacardi Breezers, a pot of houmous, two tins of stir-in pasta sauce and a bag of apples. And I got asked for ID at the checkouts - which has to be the only time I've ever been IDed for alcohol, if you don't count the times I've been in the States. I suppose this must mean I'm looking young, but I think it's a sign of how tired I am that I didn't even make a fuss!

* posted by nat 7:35 PM

Sunday, July 15, 2001

So we start on a sunday. I'm lounging about, putting things off. It's not even I don't want to do all of what I've got to do. I do - and most of it I haven't got a choice about really, these projects for monday, my lesson plans. And although I want to do it, somehow, the urge to get kickstarted hasn't hit me yet. I think it's not an issue of being tired, more that I get a strange kind of pleasure about leaving things until the last minute. Of course, then I know I'll have to panic, but again, that's something I seem to get a kick out of, although there's the other side of the coin that leads to constant fretting that doesn't do anyone any good, least of all myself...

Hmm... there's a lot to be said for drinking coffee in the mornings. It takes up time that is otherwise given over to senseless rambling.

* posted by nat 10:57 AM