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How could you kill a Falkirk fan when he's drinking?
Slam the toilet seat on his head.
What's the difference between a Falkirk fan and a catfish?
One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.
What's the difference between a Falkirk supporter and a bucket of cow manure?
The bucket.
Why should Falkirk fans be buried 100 feet deep?
Because deep down, they're really good people.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a Falkirk supporter?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Falkirk are good enough to win the Scottish Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
Alan, the fanatical Falkirk fan, always wears his replica strip, and wherever he goes people take the mince out of him, and say he's stupid. This makes him angry, so when he next goes for his walking holiday in the Trossachs, he decides not to bother. He walks through a field of sheep and sees a farmer. Feeling in need of some sexual activity he walks up and asks the farmer, "If I guess how many sheep you have, can I take one away and have sex with her?" "OK" replied the farmer. "There are 173" said Alan. That's really impressive," says the farmer. "Take your pick." Alan chooses, and begins to walk off. The farmer shouts back, "If I can guess which team you support, can I have my dog back?"
Alan the Falkirk fan is walking his dog one day, when he sees an old lamp. He bends down to pick it up, and starts to rub it to clean it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I am the economy-price genie?" I grant but one wish". Alan thinks for a while, and then says, "Make my dog Stainrod, win Crufts." The genie looks at Stainrod and says, "Don't be stupid, look at the thing. It's mangy, it's got fleas, it's got a bit missing from one eat it limps and it smells. I might be a genie, but I'm not a miracle worker." "All right then," says Alan, "Make Falkirk win the Scottish Cup." The genie stops for a moment, then says, "Let's have another look at that dog again.
Two Falkirk fans are walking along. One of them picks up a mirror, looks in it and says, "Hey I know that bloke." The second one picks it up and says, "Of course you do, you thick git - its me!"
Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Scotland win the World Cup?".
God Replies, "In the next twenty years"
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Stenhousemuir get promoted?".
The Good Lord answers, "In the next ten years".
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The third one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Falkirk win the Premier League?".
God Answers: "I'll be dead by then!"
A Sunday league football team is desperate for players. So desperate, in fact, that one Sunday they are forced to play a chicken. Rather surprisingly the chicken has a brilliant first half. One minute it's clearing off its own line, the next threading the perfect through ball, the next putting in a perfect cross. At half-time all its team mates are very pleased and everyone runs back onto the pitch for the second half.
On the way the ref starts chatting with the chicken: 'Great first-half mate, you must be really fit'. 'Thanks', replies the chicken, "I try to keep myself fit but it's difficult finding the time so I try to do an hour in the gym each morning before work'. 'What do you do then?' asks the ref. 'I'm a chartered accountant' replies the chicken.
At this point the ref immediately brandishes the red card and sends the chicken off. The bemused team-mates gather round the ref and start complaining. 'Sorry lads', says the ref: 'I had no choice: Professional fowl'.
A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a Falkirk fan was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that mindless moron gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
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