Back to the Future TAS: Gone Fishin' - Hill Valley Telegraph

GONE FISHIN'

Written by John Loy and John Ludin
Directed by John Hays
Original Airdate: November 30th 1991
Transcribed by "Hot For Doc"

Animated scenes are in black, live action scenes with Doc Brown are in red.




Go to the old-style 4-3-2-missing one countdown they stereotypically use to introduce very old black and white movies. Doc Brown appears on the screen, attired in a natty old-fashioned suit and standing in front of what appears to be brownstones. He smiles at the camera and starts waving.)

Doc: (v.o) Greetings! That's me, Doc Brown, in the 1920s! Well, it's actually the me of the 1990s in the 1920s! The purpose of my journey is to meet one of my biggest idols and one of the greatest inventors of all time -

Doc's waving has become progressively wilder as he speaks. We now cut to foot of Thomas Alva Edison at some sort of press event.

Doc: (v.o) - Thomas Edison. The inventor of the phonograph, the motion picture camera, and the light bulb.

Doc approaches Edison in the yard, holding an over-sized light bulb and a pen, which he gives to Edison.

Doc: (v.o, excited) And he gave me an autograph.

Shot on said autograph on the light bulb. The inscription reads "To Doc - the best! Thomas"

Cut to color and the present day, 1991. Doc's in his lab, sitting in an easy chair. Beside him on a table is an ancient-looking projector.

Doc: (rising) The 1920s! Also known as the Roaring Twenties. A time of flappers, fads, and films! Silent films, that is. I'm sure you've all heard of Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. But only the real film historians among you recall "Daredevil Brown." Talk about your Hollywood success story!

Having walked over to where some fishing poles were resting, he picks them up.

Doc: And curiously enough, it all started with a fishing trip.

Fade to the cartoon. It's a Friday in 1991. Doc's in the garage/lab, fiddling with an invention and singing to himself. Verne's face pops up in the window. We go to closeup on him as he chews his gum and listens to Doc sing.

Verne: (happy) All right! He's in a good mood!

Quick cut to show him outside, standing on a ladder with a fishing pole in one hand.

Back to Doc. We see a strange machine, a can of Lard, and two red shoes. Doc inserts two red tubes into them.

Doc: One waterproof pair of tennis shoes coming up!

He presses a lever on the side to turn on the machine. It promptly blows up in a large cloud of smoke and a few screws. Doc coughs and waves the smoke away, revealing no sign of the machine. The shoes drop from above. Doc looks at them, and we can see that they're covered in white lard and sizzling softly. Doc ponders a moment.

Doc: (picking one up) Hmmm... Perhaps a fast-food franchise would be interested.

He tosses the shoe over his shoulder. Verne appears from behind some furnace-like thing in the back and walks up to his father, holding something behind his back.

Verne: (presenting a paper to Doc) Hey, Pop, check it out!

Doc takes the paper.

Doc: (reading) Let's see... this Saturday -

Note: This is how we know that today is a Friday - at the end of the episode, when Jules and Verne return to the next morning, Doc announce the Bass-Off is today.

Suddenly, Doc's eyes bulge in fear. Close-up on the paper to show it is a flyer for: ANNUAL HILL VALLEY FATHER AND SON BIG MOUTH BASS-OFF, followed by a picture of a fish.

Doc: (stammering) F-father and Son Big Mouth Bass-Off?!

He rapidly crumples the paper into a ball and drops it, shaking nervously. Verne looks kind of disappointed. Doc tries to keep cool.

Doc: I'm sorry, Vernie, but I can't take you fish-fi-fa-fi-fis-fa-fa-

Doc quickly loses it, bouncing around the garage, onto a table, and then out the door, still struggling with the word. As he leaves the garage, he trips on Verne's fishing pole and goes flying. The poor guy ends up on the ground, tangled in the fishing line and trying to get free. Verne comes out, seemingly annoyed.

Verne: Fish! The word is fish!

For no apparent reason, he blows and pops a bubble.

Cut to inside the Brown homestead. Doc wanders in, still looking dazed. He enters a room, where Jules is sitting with an odd red helmet on his head. The helmet has some vacuum tubes on it, and a long gray tube where the eyes would be. Doc staggers and falls into an armchair. As he does, Jules pops the helmet off.

Jules: (proudly) Behold, Father. My Uniview allows for television observation without annoying others in the room.

Doc: (still dazed) Anything to take my mind of fi - oh, never mind.

Jules hands the helmet off to his father. In this shot, we can see that the gray tube is hooked up to the regular TV (naturally.) Doc puts it on.

Jules: An old "Andy Griffith" rerun is about to commence.

We can even hear a version of the whistled theme as Doc watches, smiling a bit.

Doc: (commenting)Andy and Opie are going fis-fi-fa-fa -

Once again, Doc loses it! He yanks the helmet off and attempts to flee again, watched by a puzzled Jules. He runs smack into the wall, going flat for a moment like a regular cartoon. Then he stumbles back, holding his throbbing nose in pain. Verne walks in.

Verne: (confused) Hey, Dad, what have you got against fishin'?

Doc: (upset, hands over ears) Don't say that word!

He exits, looking pretty annoyed. Verne looks at Jules curiously.

Verne: What's with Pop?

Jules: (thoughtfully) I'm not sure.... Maybe tonight when he is asleep, we can discover the problem.

Skip forward to around 11:00 that night. Doc is sound asleep in bed, snoring. There's a shape beside him that's probably Clara. Light appears on Doc in the shape of the doorway, and the shadows of Jules and Verne move up to him. We then see the two hovering over their father. Verne looks at something odd Jules is holding.

Verne: What's that doohickey?

Jules: An otoscope used for ear examinations.

It does indeed resemble one of those devices doctors stick in your ears. However, someone has attached a wire and some sort of pad that rests against the forehead to it. Jules puts it on Doc.

Verne: You think too much wax is driving Pop wackeroo?

Author's Note: Can I say that I love that line?

Jules: (shaking his head and holding up a mini-computer that looks like a calculator) Negative. I've modified it into a Cerebral Observator, allowing us to actually view Father's thoughts.

He pushes a few buttons on the mini-computer. An electronic Jules and Verne appear on the screen. Suddenly, they drop down, yelling as they slide down the wire.

Cut to the inside of Doc's head. It resembles the other dimension the little girl fell into in The Twilight Zone, in a more cartoony form. Various multicolored blobs hang over a pink and blue landscape. We can identify a white "E=mc2" in the foreground. Jules and Verne are spit out of a tube and bounce off a blue protrusion. Jules lands on his feet and picks up a pink blob that has a half-formed "E=mc2" in it.

Jules: (showing it to Verne as he gets to his feet) Observe. One of Father's unfinished thoughts.

They begin walking, Jules tossing the blob over his shoulder. Above them hang more blobs, and in the left corner, a few numbers: a 2, a 1, and an equals sign.

Verne: (o.s, seeing something) What's that stinkin' thing?

We see that he's looking at a big storm cloud shooting lightning bolts in three directions, rumbling loudly from thunder. Next to it flows a river of pink goo.

Jules: (about the thunderstorm) I presume it's one of Father's brainstorms.

Verne: (pointing to the goo) Then those must be brain waves!

The river "spits" a wad at him, leaving Verne dripping pink and looking disgruntled.

Over to a long trail of large books, stretching off into the distance. Titles include Photo Album and Memory Lane. Jules walks the path while Verne jumps from book to book.

Jules: Regard! Father's vast library of knowledge!

Verne: (jokingly) Hey Jules, this one's overdue.

Jules pauses for a quick look around, then turns - and smacks into a large grey block. Pulling back as Verne jogs up to him, we can see writing on it. Jules and Verne read it aloud.

Jules/Verne: (in unison) "No admittance. Keep out! This means YOU!!"

Typed words appear on top of their image:

-Memory Block-

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

August 5, 1926

Back in the real world, a pleased Jules studies his screen.

Jules: Euripides! (turning to Verne as Doc snores on) A memory block dating back to August 5, 1926 - Father's childhood.

He types something on the mini-computer.

Jules: Let us see if we can chip it away!

Electronic Jules and Verne got to work on the block with pickaxes. Doc grimaces painfully in his sleep from the noise. A small crack appears on the other side of the block, then part of it crumbles into a hole as Jules and Verne break through. They peer through it.

Jules: Success! And now to observe what Father has chosen to forget!

Go to their point of view. It's almost black and white, and it shows a toddler version of Doc, in shorts, red suspenders, and cap, standing on the bank of a stream, casting a line to fish.

Verne: (o.s) Hey, there's Pop! He used to like fishin'.

Emmett happens to be standing on a ledge, and the part he's standing on is colored slightly differently from the rest of the landscape. It's also separated by a thin black line. No prizes for guessing what happens.

As Emmett's line goes in the water, the bank crumbles, sending the poor kid straight into the water.

Emmett: (floundering in the water) Gadzooks! Assistance requested!

He goes under the water. The stream is shown to be surprisingly deep as he drifts downward. A rather frightening collection of fish swim over to stare at him. Emmett looks at their wide toothy mouths and gives a start. He drifts back up, holding his breath tightly. He surfaces, coughing and splashing around wildly.

Back to reality. Verne gets it now.

Verne: So that's why he hates fishin'!

Jules grabs the DeLorean keys from the beside table. The multiple clocks inform us the current time is 11.27pm. Jules pops the Observator out of Doc's ear.

Jules: We must return to 1926 and prevent Father from falling into that stream!

He leaves, then reaches back and pulls away a lingering Verne. Not a moment too soon either. Doc wakes up holding his head. You can see that, even in bed, he's wearing his two watches.

Doc: Ouchamagoucha! A migraine and a nocturnal-mare all in one.

We go outside to the garage. The doors swing open quietly, and the nose of the DeLorean appears.

Jules: (o.s) Silence is imperative, as to not awaken Mother and Father.

Verne is shown shoving the DeLorean out inch by inch.

Verne: (annoyed, grunting) Yeah, but how come I have to push?!

Jules is sitting comfortably in the DeLorean, feet resting on the steering wheel.

Jules: (almost smugly) Don't be absurd, brother. You're much too young to drive.

Suddenly, a bright light hits Jules in the face. Jules shields his eyes as someone speaks.

Marty: (o.s) Hey, what are you little punks up to?

Jules: Martin!

Go to Jules's POV, in which we can see Marty in front of the car, holding a flashlight. He lowers it so it isn't directly in our eyes.

Marty: I just came over to get my hoverboard. Where you off to?

Author's Note: At almost midnight?! We know Doc lets Marty have it in the day (see Episode 4, "Witchcraft"), so how come he has to skulk around in the middle of the night to get it?

Jules pulls out a map and shows it to Marty. A spot north is circled.

Jules: Milwaukee. To prevent one of Father's mishaps when he was four years old.

Marty looks thoughtful.

Marty: Milwaukee? Oh, that must have been when Doc stayed with his oddball Uncle Oliver.

Verne: (still pushing hard) Just don't fink on us!

Marty: All right, I won't - if you'll let me come along. I'd love to be smarter than Doc for a change.

They must agree, as next we see the DeLorean zooming over Hill Valley, then disappearing into time and leaving fire trails.




Note: The writers made a big mistake here. Jules just stated Doc was four years old in 1926. That means he was 63 in 1985, when Back to the Future was set. This directly contradicts the age given in the script - 65.

It's a bright sunny summer's day. We see a kind-of old looking white house with a red roof and a big chimney. Jules, Verne, and Marty come up the path, past the red mailbox. Someone is sitting on the front steps.

Marty: (chuckling to himself) I mean, how much can a little kid know?

Close-up on the kid on the steps. It's Emmett, sitting and practicing with his fishing pole.

Verne: (o.s) There's Dad now!

Jules: (o.s) Why don't you ask him?

The trio goes up to little Emmett, Marty grinning smugly.

Marty: (chuckling again) Hey kid, whaddya know?

Emmett practices a cast while listing his library of knowledge to Marty.

Emmett: Several languages, the periodic table, the constellations of the Northern Hemisphere, and the encyclopedia from A through Gr.

As he talks, his hook snags the back of Marty's jacket. He hoists Marty into the air. Marty drops back down hard, tangled in the line.

Author's Note: Personally, I think his pride is hurt more than anything else.

Marty: (sitting up) You might want to brush up on casting.

Emmett: I will, if Uncle Oliver ever comes down and takes me fishing like he promised.

Marty stands up and starts pulling at the line. Jules and Verne come up and help.

Marty: (puzzled) Comes down from where?

Emmett points up. The boys look up a very long wooden pole in the yard by the driveway. On top on a platform is a man with thick red glasses, bright orange hair and moustache, and a little book tied around his neck.

Note: As evidenced by the way Oliver talks, with a heavy German accent and the occasional German word, I think it's safe to say his full name is Oliver Von Braun.

Oliver: (o.s, until the word "flagpole") Soon the world record for flagpole sitting will be mine.

He looks down and sees Jules, Verne, Emmett, and Marty approach, looking up at him.

Oliver: (happily) Ach die Lieber! Look at that! A flock of adoring fans is beginning to congregate!

Back on the ground, Verne looks at Emmett.

Verne: What is he, a pigeon?

Jules: (derisively) Looks more like a loon.

Emmett: Perhaps you fellas might convince Uncle Oliver to take me fishing.

Jules: (thoughtfully) Yes. . .but how do you propose we speak with him?

Marty, however, has gotten an idea. He walks over to Uncle Oliver's car, an old 1920s with a cloth top.

Marty: Hey, I've got an idea that just might fly.

Up on the pole, Uncle Oliver has got a real pigeon nesting on his head.

Oliver: (waving it away) Shoo! Shoo!

The bird flies off - just as Marty appears with a loud "boing" noise. Oliver jumps in surprise as Marty falls back down.

Oliver: Wast is dos? (Translation: What is that?)

Marty: (back in the air) Uncle Ollie, hi!

Oliver: (taking out a sandwich) Yes, you certainly are! (as Marty appears again, now on his back) Care for a bite of wienershitznel?

As we look down, we can now see that Marty's using the cloth top of the car as a trampoline. He bounces up and down as he talks.

Marty: Uh, no thanks, but about your nephew Emmett - you promised to take him fishing today?

Oliver: (calling down to him as he jumps) When I am rich and famous, I will take him whaling!

Marty: (doing a somersault) How about if Emmett goes fishing with me and my friends?

He heads down in a dive, arms spread. Oliver calls something I can't quite catch down to him - I think it's about some food he's packed. Jules and Verne watch as Marty falls. They wince as, this time, Marty crash-lands. The car is now wrecked, and one door falls off as we watch. Marty sits up a bit, rubbing his head as stars swirl around it.

Marty: Nice sunroof. Ouch.

Wipe to Emmett preparing to fish on the fragile ledge. The group jogs up to him.

Verne: Hold it!

Jules: Emmett! (gently stopping Emmett and taking him by the shoulder) Perhaps you should stand over here.

He leads Emmett over to another part of the bank. Marty, holding the gear, ascends the ledge.

Marty: Jules, you're crazy! This looks like a great spot to fish!

Of course, the ledge promptly gives way. Marty and the gear all fall in.

Marty: Woah!

Jules and Verne roll their eyes smugly.

Jules/Verne: (in unison) Told ya so.

Marty hauls himself back onto land.

Marty: Holy mackerel!

He reaches into his shirt and pulls out a fish.

Marty: That fall gave me a haddock. (chuckles)

Author's Note: And I hate that line.

We go over to Jules, giving Emmett a few fishing lessons.

Jules: Now Emmett, the secret to successful casting is snapping your wrist.

Emmett: (trying it) Like this?

A red and black bi-plane flies low overhead as he casts. The hook wraps around a bar between the legs! Poor little Emmett is swept off his feet as the plane flies on.

Emmett: (startled) Great Scott!

The trio watches in shock as he is flown away.

Marty: Now that's what I call fly fishing!

Emmett is being pulled through the air. He's hanging onto his fishing pole for dear life. The poor kid is terrified.

Emmett: Holy bovine!

We go back to Uncle Oliver now. He's studying his pocket watch.

Oliver: Five more minutes, and I've set the record.

Emmett suddenly flies by, right in front of him. Oliver starts in shock.

Oliver: Emmett!!

His gaze goes nervously to his watch. It ticks for a few seconds, then dings.

Author's Note: I guess that means the record for flagpole sitting goes to Uncle Ollie!

He promptly slides down the pole and races after Jules, Verne, and Marty, who are following the plane.

Oliver: Stop, you crazy kinders!

He catches up to Marty.

Oliver: I thought you were going to watch my Emmett!

Marty: (pointing) We're watching him! He's putting on a great show!

Emmett is going up and down with the plane.

Emmett: Galloping Galileo!

Cut to a crowd of cheering fans. A banner above the stands reads "Boris Von Hinkle-Hoffer's Flying Circus." The plane is a stunt plane putting on a show!

In the sky, the plane does a couple of loop-de-loops, taking Emmett with it. The second loop plops Emmett in the second seat, still clutching his fishing pole. On the ground, the cameraman filming the event is highly impressed.

Cameraman: Jeepers! This is the best stunt flying I've ever seen.

The plane comes in for a landing before the crowd. The propeller spins to a halt.

Jules, Verne, Marty, and Ollie run up to the plane. Emmett looks very dizzy. The pilot looks back at his new passenger in surprise.

Oliver: (o.s, nervously) Nephew - are you all right?

Emmett tries to step out of the plane, but miscalculates how far down the ground is. He trips and falls out, landing spread-legged. Verne runs over and helps him back up. The cameraman also comes over, holding his ridiculously large camera.

Cameraman: All right? He's sensational! And - I got it all on film. (To a still-dizzy Emmett) Kid, you're gonna be a star.

Cha-ching! Cha-ching! Dollar signs appear in Uncle Ollie's eyes. He leans over Emmett.

Oliver: And I'll be his manager!

Emmett: (stunned by all this) All I wanted to do was to go fishing.

Fade to an old movie hall, complete with organist sitting below the screen. On-screen in brown and white is the footage of Emmett flying with the plane. In the seats, our heroes are watching.

Marty: (slightly awed) Hey... it's Emmett!

Verne blows and pops another bubble. A portly man with a large pink nose, Harvey Warnermaker, sitting in front of them turns and shushes Verne.

Verne: (blowing him off) Ah, don't get your shorts in a wad! It's a silent movie!

Oliver: (confused) Is there any other kind?

The film ends with a flourish. Jules reads the words on-screen.

Jules: "Emmett Brown. New stunt-world phenomenon".

They jump up and cheer with the rest of the audience. Oliver throws his hat in the air, then sits down and puts his arms around Emmett.

Oliver: (proudly) That's my little lipschien. (That's a guess on the spelling)

Harvey turns around again.

Harvey: Why, it's Emmett Brown in the flesh!

Marty: (jokingly) Yeah, that's what holds him together.

Harvey ignores him and gets up to face Uncle Oliver.

Harvey: Sir, I'm Harvey Warnermaker, famous Hollywood talent scout.

He pulls out a red sheet of paper and hands it to Uncle Ollie.

Harvey: Sign on the dotted line and that kid will make millions!

Oliver: (signing) Yah well, mein Herr!

Note: Oliver must be proud of his eccentricities! He signs the contract "Oddball Uncle Oliver!".

Oliver: (throwing his hands in the air) Hollywood, here we come!

Verne: (excited) Hollywood?! Cool!

He gives Marty a thumbs-up, and Marty gives him a low five.

Suddenly, something pulls them to the floor. That something turns out to be Jules, hiding under the seats.

Jules: (worried) Not so cool! We have forever altered Father's life! He may never meet Mother, and we would cease to exist!

Verne: (unconcerned) That's one way to stop you from picking on me!

He pulls a wad of gum off from under the seat and (gross!) put it in his mouth.

Back on the seats, Ollie has realized something.

Oliver: Ach, there is only one problem. How do we get to Hollywood?

The trio pops up from behind the seats, smiling.

Jules: Perhaps we can be of assistance.

Author's Note: You think that with his little speech, Jules would try to convince them not to go to Hollywood.

Cut to the DeLorean hanging as a carriage from a huge blue and yellow balloon. The DeLorean has become a Zeppelin. Emmett pokes his head out to see.

Emmett: (very impressed) A car that turns into a Zeppelin! Brilliant idea!

Verne: (knowing that Emmett's destined to build it) Stinkin' brag about it, why dontcha!

Go to a brown map of the US. A red squiggly arrow traces their path from Milwaukee to Hollywood.



Fade in to Emmett's new film in Hollywood, with appropriate organ music. Pan up an enormous building to see Emmett standing on a platform, washing a huge clock. The second hand comes down and scoops him up by the back of the suspenders. An unseen audience laughs as it carries him up to the top of the clock. At the top, it bends and Emmett slips off. He falls down, only to land on a flexible American flagpole. It flings him up again, screaming. More laughter as Emmett falls through three awnings, then bounces off two more across from each other. He lands in a man-made pond with a fountain in it. A minute later, he emerges in the fountain, spouting water. The film ends with Emmett's face in a circle, the words "Daredevil Emmett" above it, "The End" below. The audience, now visible, gets up and cheers wildly.

A spin effect with the screen leads us to a newspaper, the Hollywood Gazette. What sounds like a newsboy cries out the headline.

Newsboy: (o.s) Diminutive Daredevil's Debut Dynamite!!!!

The paper rips in two, revealing a ritzy couple listening to a radio outside a store.

Announcer: Yes, the nation has gone Daredevil Brown crazy! People all over America are reading Daredevil Brown comics -

We pan over the street, away from the store, and over to a trolley. A bunch of people - adults no less, and ritzy ones at that - are reading the comic.

Announcer: - drinking Daredevil Brown soda -

We see a billboard ad for the same, showing Emmett (or an Emmett impersonator, this kid has BROWN hair) in a cape, drinking the soda while running through a river of crocodiles.

Announcer: - and buying every Daredevil Brown product, from soup -

A can opener opens a purple can of such soup, featuring on the can Emmett tied to railroad tracks.

Announcer: - to nuts.

Yup, someone reaches into a can of Daredevil Brown nuts, showing Emmett hanging from a building.

Now we go to two little children sitting on the sidewalk. They both hold white cards. The first boy, who is black, turns to his friend.

Kid One: (holding out cards) I'll give you two Babe Ruths and an autographed Ty Cobb for your Daredevil Brown.

Kid Two: Are you crazy? Nobody gets my Emmett!

Author's Note: This is probably just me, but Kid Two sounds like a girl. I think we have another Doc's Girl....)

Cut to a shockingly realistic record beginning to spin. The yellow label reads "ELB Records - Doin' the Daredevil Brown."

Song: Hold your arms straight out like an airplane wing

Sway back and forth like a trapeze swing

Roll and slip and flip around

Now you're doin' the Daredevil Brown

The song is used as background as we iris out on the lush green hills of "Hollywoodland," according to the sign. Right by it is an enormous white mansion, with red roofs, multiple staircases and lots of well-trimmed shrubbery. Parked in the driveway is a gigantic red limo. In the back is a huge, oddly-shaped pool on a terra-cotta terrace. Oliver's sitting at a table, going through a huge pile of money in a red dressing gown and a telephone at his side. Emmett sits beside him in a lounge chair, having folded a bill into an origami swan. Marty's in the pool, relaxing in pink shades and red and white striped bathing suit in a yellow inner tube. Jules is standing nearby, studying a sample of pool water in a test tube. Below them, Verne swims by in snorkel, mask and flippers.

At the table, Oliver is counting his money. Emmett sends his swan off for a flight.

Emmett: Uncle, may I swim in the pool with my friends?

Oliver: (firmly) Nein! You might get hurt! Save it for the cameras.

Emmett leaps out of his chair, clearly upset by this.

Emmett: Oh, for petri's sake!! I'll be in my room!

He storms away. We go over to Marty in his inner tube.

Marty: (sounding concerned) Uh, Uncle Ollie, do you really think Emmett is enjoying all this?

Oliver pushes apart the money pile to talk to him.

Oliver: Ach! What's not to enjoy! He's rich, he's famous, and the air in Hollywood is so clean!

Marty takes off his sunglasses and looks dubious at that statement. Before he can say anything else, Verne surfaces below him, knocking both him and tube into the pool.

Verne: (pulling up his mask) But the little dude's bummed out!

Ollie looks thoughtful as he stands by the table.

Oliver: Yah - maybe you are right. We've had our fun. Perhaps I should return to Milwaukee with little Emmett.

The phone rings. Oliver picks it up and holds it to his ear.

Oliver: (listening to a jabbering voice) Yah. Yah. Uh-huh. Yah. Yah-volt! (hanging up) Just as soon as he performs one last stunt. Daredevil Brown is going over America's tallest waterfall - in a barrel!

"Now you're doing the Daredevil Brown" plays as Jules, Verne and Marty react, jaws dropping open. They glance at each other nervously.

Author's Note: Shameless plug time. I wrote a story that comes between this and the scenes at the waterfall. It's called Pool Party. Read it if you wish.

Mike Mahoney's Note: That's all right, shameless plugs are allowed! :-)



We then see far in the country a river flowing. It pans up quickly to show an amazingly huge waterfall, with multiple levels no less. Verne is quite impressed by all this.

Verne: (o.s) Man, this makes Super Splash Water World, look like a leaky faucet!

Note: Super Splash water World is mentioned in Episode 2, "A Family Vacation", and is seen in Episode 25, "St Louis Blues".

The group is at the very top of the cliff, standing on a wooden platform by the river. The stage is draped in red, white, and blue semicircular banners. It's dominated by a large yellow banner reading "Daredevil Brown - King of Derring-do." Over the falls themselves is a rope, stretched between two small towers.

Emmett: Estimating the fall's height at 2,425 feet, and utilizing Newton's formula for acceleration due to gravity, I'll be traveling approximately 268 miles per hour (he smacks his fist into his other hand for emphasis) upon impact.

Jules examines the barrel Emmett will be in. It has a strip and the letters "D. B." in a big star. Marty looks derisive.

Marty: I'll bet that barrel doesn't even have an air bag.

Verne blows another bubble. It pops and covers his face with pink gum. He yanks at it to get it off.

Verne: What kind of blockhead would make up such a stupid stinkin' stunt?

His question is quickly answered as Oliver gets their attention.

Oliver: Boys, I'd like you to meet the man responsible for all of this-

He indicates a man standing beside him. He resembles the TAS's Biff Tannen (big chin, all of that), but he has a small mustache and goatee. He wears a orange floppy cap, orange neck scarf, grey sweatervest, and some odd thing around his neck, and he holds a riding crop.

Oliver: Herr D W Tannen!

Marty: (o.s) I shoulda known.

Note: D W Tannen is named after film pioneer D W Griffith. In the novel of Back to the Future Part III, a young D W Griffith was in Hill Valley in 1885 and asked Marty where he got his idea about the armour. Marty said he saw it in a Clint Eastwood movie, prompting D W to ask Marty what a movie was!

Emmett is understandably nervous about all this.

Emmett: Uncle Oliver, I'm somewhat hesitant about this particular feat.

D W goes over to him and puts an arm around his shoulders, speaking in a superficially sweet voice.

D W: Emmett, baby, it's movie magic! You don't really go over the falls. We use a dummy.

Marty: (meanly) Oh, you're gonna do it?

D W sees Marty behind him and laughs nastily.

D W: (going up to him) What are you, an extra? (poking a finger in Marty's face) You're fired.

He goes over to the barrel, back to his "sweet" voice with Emmett.

D W: Look, sweetie, here's the trap door.

He lifts the barrel to reveal an opening. He looks in the direction of some controls set on the side of the stage. The lever that controls the door is currently set to closed. (?)

D W: It's a fix. You duck down and shove a dummy into the barrel.

Said dummy suddenly pops up through the opening, courtesy of Verne.

Verne: Boogie boogie boogie!

D W yelps and throws the barrel, then gives another nasty laugh as Verne appears.

D W: Ha ha ha! Oh, I'm in stitches! (pokes his finger in Verne's face) You're fired.

He leans down close to Emmett as the kid picks up the dummy of himself.

D W: Daredevil, sweetheart, 20 minutes 'til we roll. Let's be a good boy and slip into your costume. Or - you're fired!

Wipe to D W's office tent, a large yellow structure with D W in a big red star on top. We fade inside, to see D W and a lackey standing inside. Posters for D W's previous movies decorate the sides. D W glares at his lackey, a portly guy with five o'clock shadow.

D W: Are you sure you got it?

Lackey: Uh, yeah. I open the trap door, make sure Daredevil switches with the dummy, then send the barrel over the edge.

D W grins and chuckles evilly.

D W: (dismissively) Naw. That was just a load of banana oil for the punk's goofball uncle. (poking a finger in the lackey's chest) I want that kid inside the barrel! This has got to look like the real McDonald.

Lackey: Uh - you mean the real McCoy.

D W: Oh yeah? You're fired!

Our perspective has changed to someone looking through a hole in the top of the tent. Specifically, the perspective of Jules, Marty, and Verne, who are clinging to a high pine tree branch and eavesdropping.

Jules: (horrified) Jumpin' Jigowatts!

Verne: (also shocked) They're gonna make us orphans - before we're even born!

Jules: (thinking hard) I'm formulating a notion, but we'll need some time. (turning to Marty) Martin, are you able to walk a straight line?

Marty: Oh, sure, although I enjoy a good curve now and then.

Marty holds up his hands to demonstrate, and forgets to hang onto the branch. With another yell, he falls into the tent. Verne scoots forward, and they wince as Marty falls onto D W

D W: Ow! You're fired!

Wipe over to the river/waterfall. A grandstand has been set up on the opposite side, and a large crowd has gathered in both the stands and in front of the platform. D W is on the stage, giving a speech into a bunch of microphones.

D W: Welcome, one and all, to the most dangerous stunt ever performed by boy - or man! (stuttering a little) And you can see this feat of derring-do -

The cameramen filming the event share a look, unimpressed.

D W: - in my fabulous feature film -

He unrolls a small poster, showing the barrel plunging over the falls.

D W: Raging Death Doom! D W Tannen, producer. And now, my closest friend, Daredevil Brown!

He lifts the poster to reveal Emmett in his "Daredevil Brown" outfit - red cap, cape, white shirt with the letters "DB" on it. The crowd cheers him loudly. Suddenly -

Jules: Wait!

The crowd turns to look at Jules as he springs onto the platform, with straw cap and cane.

Jules: First, an added attraction!

He takes over the microphones, putting the hat on.

Jules: Tightrope-walking over the falls will be none other than - Courageous Clyde!

He points with his cane at Marty, now in a blue suit with a red cape, yellow boots, and the letters "CC" in red on his chest. He smiles nervously at the crowd, clutching a balancing stick. D W reacts with surprise - hey, he's already fired Marty twice!

Marty approaches the microphones, obviously wishing he wasn't doing this.

Marty: Thank you, thank you. It all began when I was born. I was just a baby at the time....

He blabbers on, trying to joke around to relieve his nervousness. Jules and Verne crouch at his feet.

Jules: (holding out his hand) Verne, your wad of bubble gum please.

Verne takes it out of his mouth and slaps it into Jules's hand. Jules stretches it between his hands, then sticks it onto Marty's boots.

Jules: This disgusting yet sticky substance will provide Martin with a strong center of balance.

Verne looks a bit puzzled at this, but Jules continues anyway, producing a tiny flux capacitor.

Jules: And while he's out there, I'll equip Emmett's barrel with this spare flux capacitor.

Verne: (impressed) Cool! Where ya gonna send him?

Jules struggles with the gum and flux capacitor now stuck to his hands.

Jules: Not him. You.

Verne starts in surprise at this little announcement. They both look up at Marty, who's still stalling.

Marty: ...It was then and there that I knew the tightrope was for me.

D W: (barging in and startling Marty) Quit stalling! Get out there!

He shoves Marty away from the microphones. Marty reluctantly climbs the rope ladder, filmed by a cameraman, and starts out across the falls, wobbling as he tries to keep his balance.

Marty: (to himself) One of these days, I'll learn to stay home - in the 1990s!

He loses his balance and falls over with a scream. But thanks to the gum, he simply spins around the rope a few times before regaining his balance.

Marty: (relieved) I never thought I'd be so happy to have gum stuck on my shoes.

Back on land, a waiting and watching Emmett is snatched away.

Emmett: Hey!

On the rope, Marty's inner showman takes over. He bounces along the rope on one foot, wobbling a little but staying put. He smiles and waves at the crowd. D W isn't impressed, though.

D W: (to his lackey) Remind me to fire this cream puff. Get the kid in the barrel.

At said barrel, Jules hops in with a wrench and secures the flux capacitor. Verne jumps on to the scene, dressed in Emmett's costume, but with his own cap.

Verne: Ta-da!

His sudden appearance startles Jules, who throws his wrench into the air. It falls onto Verne's head, knocking him silly for a second. Jules removes Verne's coonskin cap.

Jules: You're the spitting image of your father.

Author's Note: He is, too. The cartoonists saw fit to lighten his hair and recolor his eyes brown for this bit.

The lackey comes up to them, not suspecting the switch.

Lackey: Okay, short stuff, it's show time. Hop in.

Verne does just that, as Jules crouches behind the barrel and winks at him. The lackey pulls the lever for the trap door.

Lackey: (switching the door to closed) We're ready when you are, D W.

D W: (dramatically) And now, Daredevil Brown will go over Upper Yosemite Falls in a barrel!

The lackey takes the barrel to the edge and drops it. It floats away, carried by the swift current, toward the edge. Uncle Oliver waves goodbye from beside D W.

Oliver: Auf Weiderschien, Emmett!

The lackey comes over, carrying the dummy.

Lackey: Hey, boss, what should I do with this here dummy?

Oliver: (horrified) DUMMY?!

D W puts his arm around him, grinning.

D W: Relax, Unc. If he doesn't make it, we'll shoot a movie about his life story.

We see the barrel going ever closer to the edge.

D W: Heh heh! It's got a great ending!

A furious Uncle Ollie grabs D W by his sweater vest and shakes him.

Oliver: You would jeopardize the safety of a child for a movie?!

D W: (startled) You did! (regaining his cool and slapping Ollie aside) And don't touch the suit.

Oliver races to the edge of the platform, watched by a surprised D W

Oliver: (jumping into the river) Nephew! Come back!

Marty: (watching everything from above in shock) Uncle Oliver! Didn't you just eat?!

Oliver manages to catch the barrel.

Oliver: I've got you, Emmett!

Unfortunately, he caught the barrel just before it went over the edge! Screaming, they start plummeting. Marty's jaw drops, and he acts fast - he's not about to let his future best friend die. He reaches out with the end of his balancing stick and snags Oliver by the back of his coat. He strains against the current.

Marty: Hope this catch doesn't put me over my limit!

He loses his balance and spins over, the gum stretching but still holding him to the rope. Now all of them - the barrel, Oliver, and Marty - are hanging upside-down from the tightrope. The crowd gasps in horror.

On the stage, Jules watches as the rope frays. Soon it's being held together by a single thread. Then even that snaps, sending the group down with a yell. Marty's pole flings Uncle Ollie back into the air, and he lands hard on the stage near D W. The barrel continues its rapid descent down. Inside, Verne watches as the speedometer races up. 45 - 55 - 65 -

On stage, Jules pulls out a red calculator and does some math.

Jules: To attain 88 miles per hour, an object must free-fall - 259 feet!

The barrel reaches this and vanishes in a burst of flame, leaving fire trails down to the foam below. There is another gasp of horror from the crowd. Oliver looks over the side of the stage, distraught.

Oliver: Emmett! I lost my little Emmett!

Emmett: (o.s) Here I am, Uncle Oliver!

Emmett runs up to his uncle, now dressed in Verne's clothes. Uncle Ollie welcomes him with open arms.

Oliver: (happily) Emmett!

Emmett lands in his arms. D W seems oddly impressed by this sudden appearance.

D W: I'll make you more famous than Houdini!

He holds out a sheet of yellow paper to Oliver.

D W: Hey, Ollie, baby, sign here!

Ollie plucks the paper from D W's hands and shreds it into confetti. D W is in shock, and jumps after the pieces as Ollie throws them over the edge. He gets stuck on the railing.

Oliver: Take your contract and go jump in the lake, you big galoot!

He pokes D W over the side, where he lands with a big splash in a small pond. He sputters for a moment, then points angrily at Oliver.

D W: You'll never eat breakfast in this town again!

Note: The correct phrase is, "You'll never eat lunch in this town again." Obviously saying phrases wrong must definitely run in the Tannen family!

We see that the cameraman happens to be filming this as well.

D W: And you're fired!

The cameraman turns his camera to face Emmett.

Cameraman: Say, Daredevil - can we have a statement for your fans?

The camera shows Oliver with his arm around Emmett in black and white.

Oliver: (hugging his nephew) Sorry, but Daredevil has retired so little Emmett and I can go fishing.

Jules steps into frame.

Jules: (smiling) Might I suggest a pond just upstream?

Marty: (o.s) Hey!

Everyone turns with a jolt to the waterfall. Poor Marty is still hanging upside-down in the water.

Marty: I'm starting to wrinkle up like a prune out here!



Fade to Jules and Marty splashing each other playfully in the Milwaukee pond. A little ways away, on a stronger ledge, Oliver and Emmett are fishing together. We zoom in on them.

Emmett: Fishing with you is fun, Uncle Oliver.

Oliver: I was a dumkopf not to take you earlier!

A grinning Emmett lands a fish. It lands with a slap on Oliver's head.

Oliver: Ouchamagoucha!

Back in the pond, Jules pulls out his calculator while Marty lounges in the water nearby.

Jules: (doing some calculations) If my calculations are correct, we have four - three - two - one -

With a sonic boom, the barrel appears high above them. It falls into the lake with a huge splash. As Jules and Marty approach, Verne pops up in the "Daredevil Brown" costume.

Verne: (pumped) Definitely better than Super Splash Water World!

Marty, grinning, puts a hand on his arm.




We go back to 1992 via the clock logo. It's early morning at the Brown house. Jules and Verne tiptoe into their room, which is divided into a blue half (Jules) and a red half (Verne) by a big white line. They jump into bed, fully dressed, and pretend to be asleep. Seconds later, though, they're "awakened."

Doc: (o.s) Elevate and illuminate!

Their eyes pop open, and we see Doc, in a green fishing hat, green waders, and lard-lined boots, carrying fishing gear.

Doc: Only one more day of the Hill Valley Father and Son Big-Mouth Bass Off!

Verne: Yahoo!

Jules and Verne spring out of bed and grab their fishing poles.

Jules: Father, I was under the impression that you disliked fishing.

Doc: (incredulously) Galloping Galileo! Oddball Uncle Oliver and I were fishing fools!

Jules and Verne grin and wink at each other. Doc takes them by the shoulders and leads them out.

Doc: (as they leave) Did I ever regale you of the time I caught an airplane?

End Cartoon Segment.

Unfortunately, due to the fact that our old VCR liked to not work, I accidentally taped over the last bit of Live Doc's broadcast. It had something to do with Newton's Laws of Motion, I know that much. If anyone has the episode with that last bit, please send it to Mike.

THE END.

Spotted any mistakes? E-mail me at hillvalley@lycos.co.uk with the corrections.

Last Revised: July 4th 2004

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