Teaching Chinese in Stoke for anyone who dares try
So, you’re interested in teaching Chinese in Stoke-on-Trent? This information booklet aims to help you in your brave quest, in conjunction with your meetings with Martin and the Stoke-on-Trent City Council to make your transition as smooth and as enjoyable as possible.
One of the main reasons for compiling this booklet is to help you to become familiar with the many aspects of changing country and integrating into a new culture. Speaking from a personal perspective our first 24 years in Stoke were far from enjoyable. If it wasn’t for running away to Uni we might have skipped country on the next plane. We realise that the difficulties we first had out here stemmed from the fact that Stoke is the worst place to live in Britain. This was by no means anyone’s fault; it was just that there was a lack of anything to do there, and kids keep setting fire to the schools.
Stoke-on-Trent
This is the fifty-second largest city in England (population 300,000) and is where you will probably be based for the duration of your stay. The majority of shitty schools and teachers are found in and around Stoke.
From a personal perspective, growing up in Trentham and moving to Birmingham, I thought I’d seen a contrast in the way people live. I had not. Nothing can fully prepare you for the culture shock you will face upon first arriving in the city. In down town drunken fights from all types of person litter the street at night, looking like a scene from many a documentary, such as “Police, Camera, Action”. People scrap and brawl on the roads in such a drunken way you can compare them to a huge flock of birds migrating in one direction but never actually touching (well most of the time!).
Due to its Midlands location Stoke-on-Trent is as far away from the sea as you can get. It is also home to Wedgwood Pottery and Phones 4u. The city cannot hide the fact that many parts are heavily industrialised but thankfully they have factory shops that are quite cheap.
Beautiful bottle kilns and futuristic shopping centres adorn the city skyline and form a striking contrast between old tradition and the modern retail world. In parts of Blurton you can see people living a virtual subsistence living in small almost shack like dwellings. These people don’t share the same street as the upmarket stock trader in his high rise, high rent apartment, because they live in London.
Bored youths are found on most street corners in Stoke. E, hash and speed and your usual confectionery can be found in the same street as your single mothers, tramps and prostitutes. An added bonus is that you can pay your gas, water and electricity bills there, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.
You can’t find a lot of information on Stoke, since the internet has only just arrived there. The Lonely Planet’s guide to Stoke is also good including a section on Alton Towers and a host of other valuable information for masochists intending to stay just that little bit longer.
There are a couple of clubs and a plethora of pubs around the city. If you want to meet 16-year-old girls, or pull and old heifer, then Valentino’s (now Creation) is for you. It’s a typical English club combination with “food”. It costs £2 to get in but the beers are a rip-off and if you eat downstairs then you might leave with food poisoning. I would like to give you some more information on other places, but they’re all just as bad!
Flight tickets
Stoke will probably never have an airport, so you’ll have to make do with flying to Manchester or Birmingham.
Can I save money?
In a nutshell, no, you can’t. This has nothing to do with how many hours you want to work per week. In fact, many people here choose to stay on the dole because they’re better off that way instead of working. Bring some money to keep your head above water whilst you wait for your schools and your inevitably low monthly pay cheque.
The cost of living in England is higher compared to Taiwan. Eating out once can actually work out more than buying all your weekly groceries. Meals can be bought for the equivalent of 10-20 GBPs in the numerous Indian restaurants scattered round the city.
The teaching
Have you taught Chinese to kids from Stoke? Well, if not, neither has anyone else in the world, and there’s a reason for that! The chances are they won’t learn anything at all, ever. Don’t fear it’s not as the kid’s aren’t as aggressive as they may first seem.
You may find yourself working in different types of school ranging from reform, facing-closure, comprehensives and under-performing sixth-form colleges. The ages range from 2 up to 16-17 year olds.
Another important point to make is that a huge majority of Stoke schools don’t teach English! This doesn’t mean you will have to start talking like a Stokie but keep in mind the kids won’t understand a single thing you’re saying. Stay Taiwanese and stay proud!
When you enter a class for the first time always ask each kids name and write it on the board. By saying ‘Headmaster’, ‘detention’ and ‘on report’ you will kill some time and look good. Younger children love it if you draw some key words on the board like, for in the case of crimes, murder, robbery etc. and then ask them to jump up and hit the correct word when you say it. If they get it correct then you give them a star by their name. Depending on what schools you get, you may not need to prepare a teaching plan, as the entire lesson will have degenerated into anarchy before you arrive.
What you need to have
• Your passport (obviously).
• Some booze from the duty-free.
• Some form of weapon for beating the little shits with when they get shirty.
• Your driving licence (if you have one).
• A genuine interest to make Stokies learn about a different culture.
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