I was watching the news this morning when I heard that a senior teacher has suggested that kids shouldn't have to take maths as a GCSE course. In other words, they should be able to drop maths at the age of around 13 and never have to do it again.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Did I miss a meeting? Are we actually aiming to make our kids stupid now? Have we dug a hole so we can drop the bar a little more? Who could possibly argue that skills such as the ability to balance a chequebook or calculate your taxes are unneccesary? Now I agree that knowledge of algebra and calculus, while useful, is not essential today, but come on!

These are subjects you need to study, and why they are important.

This should be self explanatory. I don't care how good your calculator is. Learning maths is all about developing your brain and forcing it to learn LOGIC.

English

By the look of some of the e-mails I've received over the years most people were jacking off during English classes. If you can't spell correctly or construct sentences in a vaguely grammatically correct way, how do you expect to be able to write that CV, or get that report finished on time? Sure, a spellchecker can pick up spelling errors, but it's useless at fixing grammar. Come on. Buy a dictionary, jackass.

Physical Education

Take a picture of yourself. OK? OK. Now go find a picture of the Comic Store Guy from the Simpsons. OK? OK. Now hold the pictures next to each other. Is there any similarity? No? Well done. You are in OK shape. Yes? Shame on you. You should have taken more PE classes and really had it beaten into you that fitness is important.

Languages

I don't care that everyone speaks English. That isn't an excuse. You know one of these days the French are gonna get cranky and decide to stop surrendering. Have you not figured out their long-term plan yet? It's obvious! They refuse to take part in any war Bush wants to wage, and then as soon as all the US troops are busy killing each other the French will attack the US on two fronts. New York will be hit hard - there has been a small advance force in the Statue of Liberty since it was delivered - have you never read about the Trojan Horse? Basic tactical error, guys. The second wave will enter from the North. Quebec has lulled you all into a false sense of security by providing all the strippers you wanted for years. It's almost payback time.

So, when the French had overrun the US, how will you make yourself useful to avoid working in their underground cheese mines? You can't speak French can you? go back to school while you have the chance. You have been warned.