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An acquaintance of mine shoved a photocopied A4 sheet at me recently, which said :

"THE BEAUTY OF NOT MAKING PLANS IS THAT ABJECT FAILURE COMES AS A COMPLETE SURPRISE, THEREBY ELIMINATING ALL THE STRESS AND WORRY THAT USUALLY COMES BEFOREHAND."

Friends of the BONES will already know the relevance of this. (Reminds ‘em of a Bones ‘Dark Star’ or two.) But, hey, it’s only Rock’n’Roll, right ? They even went down to play with the Charlies on Jerry’s Day in two old bangers and made it there and back in one piece. Good Karma or what ? So they still carry on and there’s much talk of "Going For It". (Which puts one in mind of the character John Sparkes created, Shadwell, (Siadwell ?) who finally took his friends’ advice to "Go For It" but, when he got there, IT had gone.) Arse !

Not so with the Bones, they know IT’s still there, somewhere in the ether. They just hope that on a good night they can reach up and grab a chunk of it, breathe it in and then play it out. (Timmy gets it out in other ways and it’s been rumoured, after the London trip, that Denny does as well. Hmm.)

" ‘Ere, leave it out John. Young boys might be reading this ! "

" Sorry, Guv."

Talking of that Great AwayDay in Tottingham, many sincere thanks to Brian and the Cosmic Charlies - ‘Shakedown Street’ was especially magnificent - and all those who organised, played at, turned up at, served at and, not least, showed us such hospitality during and after the gig. Your efforts really made it an unforgettable day at The Fountain. Jerry was there in spirit, and spirit was there in abundance. Nice.

Thanks also to our local Booster Club for your support at both this and the July gigs, Harrogate will never seem the same again. The ‘Dancing with the Doctor’ bit is fast becoming a highlight when The Man gets it on, and we’ve actually started getting some e-mail.

Dave’s got a new amp (and phantom shiny boots).

Thewlis got a new bass, but he’s busy polishing it and/or his piles at the moment.

Timmy bought some skins, (but not for his drums). He left his stick bag on stage and his sick bag on the floor recently at the Turk’s Head (S. Shields).

(Wonder if there’ll be any more gigs there after that little episode ? Tsk. Tsk.)

Denny’s guitar is playing up – he’s a one for prophesying "It’s all coming together !", but his trusty axe is falling apart and half the PA’s went and gone on the blink.

Matthew hasn’t got into the swing of the Bones yet. He’s still a normal, reliable, sensible and sober fellow.

"Shurrup ya bugger, she mustn’t ever know . . . . . "

On the music side, ‘Franklin’s Tower’ has now been tentatively unwrapped and found to contain lots of jam, and ‘Easy Wind’ creeps out now and again in stits and farts, but plans to refurbish ‘Brokedown Palace’ are still on the drawing board. It seems that palaces with more than three floors are too hard for some alleged 30 year veteran Deadheads to contemplate without much wailing and gnashing of teeth, so I guess it’ll have to wait. Maybe if the rehearsals start before the little hand gets to three lads . . .? See. TWO can play at this patronising game. Touché mon ami.

(YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE !)

Hello, wot’s this ? Bugger me, it’s . . .

"Anybody anticipating a trip to the LAFFIN’ BONES gig at THE STUDIO, Hartlepool on Saturday 4th September (1999) ? The Studio is an Arts Council type venue which used to be an old church. (St. Stephen’s ? Honestly don’t know, maybe !) It’s been fitted out with a stage and full P.A. and lights rig as well as a large dance area and comfortable seating and, of course, it’s got a bar. It’s a good atmosphere. Sadly, the venue closes promptly at 11pm.

The band will be doing two sets starting about 8.30 – 8.45. There’s no support and it’s £2.00 admission. Maybe see ya there ? The address is Tower Street, Hartlepool.

Tel:- 01429 424440

(Disabled access also)

On a more personal note, Dave from the Bones would like to apologise for any offence caused by the use of the term " Cockney Bastards " at the close of the second set at The Fountain on Sat. 7th August. This was a reference to Sunderland’s mauling at the hands of Chelsea on the same day and was not directed to anyone at the gig. In fact, Dave has no real interest in football, even the recurring dreams of playing alongside German Internationals Weir & Lesh and Spanish hit man Garcia in a revitalised Sunderland team have not, thus far, persuaded him to cultivate some ! In fact he’d rather spend his time playing the fool in a ‘cheap covers band’.

Thanks so much to Brian for arranging the gig. Indeed thanks to all the Charlies and to all who were there. The Charlies were magic and I hope we can all do it again sometime."

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Features promised from last month :

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And Finally . . . The Bones are seriously looking at organising a Dead Day in the Spring of 2000 somewhere in the North, as we’ve already had several enquiries from Andy ! If you’ve got any thoughts on this, and possible venues to suggest, why not e-mail us or let us have your comments in the GuestBook section.

GO FOR IT. IT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU WANT IT TO. WE WANT IT TO HAPPEN.

(NB - Even the best laid plans sometimes don't come to fruition - so this last effort had NO chance . . . nor did 2001 !)

Th . . Th . . That’s all for now folks. See you in September, with (just possibly) our version of Frank Sinatra’s version of ‘Dark Star’, featuring the Count Basie Orchestra on triangle, or has someone already done that ?

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and snippets from on-stage chat in the middle of a recent gig.

Gigs are still fairly rare events as Dave’s moved to Sunderland on a free transfer from Arbroath, where he was told they couldn’t understand him when he yelled for it in the box ! - Even so, the Laffin Bones have unsteadily conspired to build up a following (though it’s mainly of creditors) in more odd, isolated pockets in July and are looking to widen their horizons ever more in the coming months to the full combat trouser, which started with The Cosmic Charlies gig on August 7th at which we made many new friends whom we would like to thank and hope to see again.

As for Cricket, you can stick it ! UP DEM BONES !

** Anybody else wanna gie us a GIG man ?