As The Bones hadn't qualified for this season's competition, a quick check revealed that he wasn't cup-tied. Clearance was quickly sanctioned from EUANKA and so off he went on loan armed with tapes of recent games to help him try to understand and come to terms with the unique and complex 1-2-2 formation and 4-8-7-11 passing attack for which The Charlies are renowned.

Once there and esconced in The Schoenstein Facility that was to be base camp for the week, a gruelling series of limbering up exercises were thrust upon him. The diet was high in cheese to build up reserves for the expected extra times. Magic potions and energy drinks were also part of the diet, later topped off with a truly purgative Lebanese concoction that brought extra fizz and improved the rushing game immeasurably, despite the cold.

A friendly had been arranged in Kandern as a warm-up game, but calamity struck on arrival when that part of the stadium known as 'Der Big Drum' needed urgent repair. Meanwhile, a cheese banquet was taking place to welcome the visitors, and then the tannoy eventually crackled into life to announce the teams. A grand lass called Bertha kicked off.

Thewlis had to play in borrowed shinpads and box, his regular gear having been outlawed after the infamous gaffer-tape-and-silver-paper-fiasco of '98, and the game was only a few minutes old when a stray Bulldog ran onto the pitch, distracted the début boy and he nearly scored an own goal, but deft dribbling skills and the strength to resist the temptation to lunge in saved the day, even though a few sliding tackles needed to be performed when he was caught out of position. Kaptain Kosmic then told him to play on the wing for a bit.

(His actual words were. "Just wing it then !")

In the second half, The Charlies superior skill won over the locals, and several spectacular efforts kept the score moving, and the crowd was dancing onto the pitch at the final whistle to celebrate the victory. No substitutions had been needed, and no yellow cards had been incurred. It had been the ideal warmer-upper.

An overland double header in Switzerland proved to be gruelling, but we had lots of support and the customary extra cheese rations, especially in Jona. Again the crowds were very appreciative and excellent results were achieved, though we had to go into double extra time in Basel. The glittering stadium there had had to be enlarged for the game, and we had to contend with yet another canine distraction during the interval, though this time it brought light relief all round. Thewlis's achilles heel caught up with him at last as he was yellow carded for leaving the pitch without permission near the end. Someone stole his Isotonic as well whilst he was receiving attention !

We had a mere two days rest before the Big Game in Freiburg against crack opposition, but our fitness coach, the relentless Krazy Walter, took us up big hills in the Alps to build up our stamina. Thankfully he had arranged things so that we could toboggan all the way back down again.

Young Patrick, the Kosmic Kid, had a close shave when he had to bale out at speed to avoid going off into the forest, but we all made it safely back down in the end. Boy, that was some training regime . .

FREIBURG ! The Charlies had to win here to have a chance of making it into the big money round. We dined on shnitzel before the game, but then yet again experienced gamesmanship in the form of a freezing dressing room, but the travelling support rose to the challenge and roared the Charlies home to victory, despite Andy having to change his boots in the second half when his laces broke twice.

All in all, a memorable and rewarding trip with the obligatory strangeness thrown in for authenticity. I even met a guy who said he'd heard a Bones tape, which had me bemused as we haven't finished it yet, so I guess it was the ones Bill Pannifer did at either the Tottenham or Harrogate gigs last year. The level of effort and diligence that many people put into taping these gigs was a new phenomenon to me, but evidently not to the Charlies or their sizeable band of Euro-Afficionados.

The welcome we received everywhere was heartwarming, and everybody seemed ready to go out of their way at the drop of a hat to satisfy any special needs or requirements. Those Charlies have earned their reputation through sheer effort. I salute them, and thank them for the chance to tag along, even though I was 'winging it' a lot of the time. Any way, what's a proper time-served Byrdman supposed to do ? They even got me interested in Phish.

Does that make me a fully-fledged Gannet now ?

Host Walter was amazing, and our super-roadies Helmut & Ralf could not have worked any harder or done any more for us. They were all brilliant.

Auf Wiedersehen Meiner Herren, Und Vielen Dank Für Alles. (Or similar !)

It would have been nice to stick in the odd snap, but The Charlies never sent me any, and Brian, I'm still waiting for that CD !

Just another disposable bass face . . . eh ? - Still, I got me memories . . . . and 28 pfennigs . !