The secret to not getting saddled with a shite amp is to keep telling your mates that yours is on the blink, in for repair, having a speaker re-coned, borrowed by your brother and not come back yet, got left on a bus, that sort of thing. That way you can cadge a lend of a mate's BlackFaced Twin, or similar, and not have to put up with the FFFFIZZG'NURTT - BRAARPP - SHHRRPPHHNNNNNNNNN - HHHHHONNKKKK etc. that you normally have to contend with from your own shite amp.

So, what is a 'Shite Amp' ? The answer is quite simple. They all are once you've parted with cash and become their owner. Trouble is, you know it sounded fine when you played it just before you bought it, and maybe it was OK for a while afterwards, but the die is cast once the folding stuff changes hands. Amps have a mind of their own. They reel you in with lovely sustain, hundreds of crunch and sparkling clean tones, then they sulk. That's all they do, they bloody well sulk every time you plug 'em in.

Just to turn the knife even further, if you should lend your shite amp to someone else, even if only for a few minutes at a jam, it behaves itself as good as gold. If you're in luck, the one who borrowed it will be seduced enough to ask if you want to sell it. Now the game starts. You agree that this amp is 'a beaut' ! A figure is offered. You hesitate, then the offer is sweetened in some way. Bingo ! You've finally got rid of your shite amp. But the sting is in the tail. Once you sell the bugger, the curse is lifted and it is no longer a shite amp anymore. It was simply the case that it was shite for you.

It's the same with cars and women. Give me a dog anyday. You know where you stand with a dog, that is until you notice it cocking its leg up against that lovely new amp you just bought to replace your last shite amp. Hey presto. You've now got a brand new shite amp ! Does anybody else suffer from this phenomenon, or is it only us ?

Does anybody wanna buy a shite dog ?