The following is a "JOOM" interview carried out at a secret location earlier this year, exclusively for "JOOM", with aged ‘Jurassic Rebel’ LOUIS D’CADNOV.

** Will Mutoc play for Malcolm ? **

***** Is it ‘The End’ ? *****

** What does Louis REALLY think ? **

**** Louis on Dance Music !*!!* ****

When the "JOOM" interviewer, Gilbert Innes Tee, arrived at the hotel he was told that D’Cadnov was in Room 2 and to go straight up. On entering D’Cadnov’s room, Gilbert was astonished to find that the ‘Jurassic Rebel’ was not dressed in his usual striped suit, but instead had adopted the persona of a 21st Century streetwise inner city punk. Not bad for a ninety-odd year old so-called master of the avant garde’s extreme left ? - So, what did the old bastard have to say ? Read on . .

GIT – Hi Louis. How are you ?

LDC - Oh, I am as old as ever . . . Old, but gold. (Laughs)

GIT – I must say you’re looking good. How do you keep looking so . . . modern ?

LDC – Ah, that is a secret. To know is to be, er, cursed ? – You must never know. People such as me . . ‘ow you say ? . . Come and go !

GIT – So, Louis, can you tell us how Pino, Liam and Serge are and is there any truth in the rumour that you’ll be doing your last show at the Malcolm X memorial gig in the summer ?

LDC - (Recoiling) - Whoa, whoa. It is too many questionings ! - (Gets up and begins to pace around the room in silence)

GIT - I have offended you Mr D'Cadnov. I am sorry. Please forgive my . . . (D'Cadnov cuts interviewer short)

LDC - I will sit down and answer your questions, but only if you promise me you will publish exactly what I say !

GIT - (A little taken aback) - Of course, Mr D'Cadnov . . of course.

LDC - And call me Louis, I hate formalities. - (Relaxes a little and sits) - So, the Malcolm X gig . . who was he ? We have been asked to play at some engagement in the North of England, but aah . . . Malcolm is not a common name in Fraaaance. I'm told he was a freedom fighter, no ? - Really it all depends on Serge and Liam.

GIT - But Louis, you know it's a dance gig ! - The crowd will be young and, forgive me, MUTOC TROASON are not exactly a 'dance group' !

LDC - Ah, but research . . (Shakes a finger at me) - Yes, we know about this dance thing. We are, meaning me, 'ow you say . .'On line' and it is checked out. This is why I say it all depends on Liam and Serge.

LOUIS D'CADNOV - Silver Surfer.

GIT - (By this time beginning to wonder what D'Cadnov had up his sleeve) - Why Liam and Serge ?

LDC - Well, it is an attitude, no ? - Liam and Serge 'ave changed. Oh, in the old days they were crazy. I know, I was there ! - But since the reissues came out on this DVD format they seem to 'ave become changed somehow, each in his own way. Take Liam - He's become crazy about health and fitness. If he's not at the gymnasium . . he's at the swimming pool, and if he's not there he's at the squash court, or running . . . and Serge . . . 'eavens above, he works 12 hour shifts, six days a week, and it seems he enjoys it ! - (slaps his knees and laughs) - Says it is his penance for being famous ! - Pah !

GIT - But he doesn't need to work . . what does he do ?

LDC - (Still laughing) - He's a car park attendant ! - (becomes animated) - Day after day he sits in a little kiosk, from seven in the morning 'til seven in the evening. No absinthe, no burdock . . he no longer smokes cigarettes of any kind - (smiles knowingly) - and has not composed anything since that suite he did years ago - 'Trois Jambes'. I say it depends on them and if they can be available we can do it . . and Pino, he is always leaving, so hey . . I have answered your question ! - At our age - (shakes a finger again) - every gig is our last gig, so yes, hey, Malcolm X here we come. Why Malcolm X ? - I'm gonna compose a special number for the show, 'Malcolm X Y Z' . . . what do you think of that ? (Looks at me obviously expecting an answer)

GIT - Yeh, yeh - (feigns excitement) - Great Louis, just great !

LDC - (Fumbles in his jacket) - In fact I have a pen and paper here. Come on . . we write the lyrics now. You watch me, 'ow I work. You put that in your paper, no ? - (Demeanour changes and Louis adopts the posture of a small town comedian intent on breaking into the cabaret circuit. Launches into the following, seemingly spontaneous, rap - poem - lyric)

Malcolm X Y Z . . . I got a hot line to your head.

Malcolm X . . . Go get Kexx . . . Drink some X . . . Liam and Kexx

Malcolm X, Serge Kexx . . . playin' in the band . . . . - "No, no !" - (He stops and deliberates awhile before beginning again)

Malcolm X, Serge Kexx . . . playing songs by a guy named Tex. - (Appears to be amused by this banal rhyme and says it again)

Malcolm X, Serge Kexx . . . playing songs by a guy named Tex.

Malcolm Y, Malcolm Y . . . Liam's here, watch him fly. - (Stops and looks out from beneath his peaked cap)

What do you think ? - At this point, if we can get Liam to do it, we're going to suspend him hanging by his feet from the scaffolding while he plays a badly damaged marimba on the introduction to a dance version of 'Mutoc Fugue #666' that we're going to try.

(At this point I took a little more interest as '666' hasn't been played since the band performed it last in 1939 on the eve of the outbreak of WW2. Some younger Mutoc fanatics rate it as the band's finest work, but a dance version ? - That seemed a little ambitious !)

GIT - How will you turn '666' into a dance track, Louis ? . . . It encapsulates the reality of more . . . (looking for the right word in the hope that D'Cadnov will not take offence) . . . reflective time ? - (Phew !)

LDC - Ah, yes ! - But it is when it is played and not how ! - See, my friend, it is like this . . .

(Many stories had circulated that D'Cadnov had, in fact, become what is known as 'Highly Strung' in the mid '80s. I sensed a change in him and Louis began to shrink visibly before my very eyes. His attentiveness, though, had intensified and, for some unknown reason, I felt pinned against my chair and a little apprehensive regarding what D'Cadnov might say next. I wasn't disappointed ! - The following is an exact transcription of what he said. The memory of this interview will live with me for life. I have included, in parentheses, my own thoughts and emotions at the time. D'Cadnov began by leaning towards me, speaking in a confessional but assertive tone . . .)

. . . My friend, it is over. Say goodbye to your family and lie with your lover one last time. The wrath of Manylo is upon us. Again MUTOC TROASON will preside over the many at the end and I, D'Cadnov, will be triumphant once again. Oh yes, Kexx, Chio and the sibling may say that they won't be at the gig, but sense will prevail for one last Pièce de Résistance . . .

(D'Cadnov stands, begins to march and salute, first one hand then the other. The marching begins to gain pace and D'Cadnov laughs manically.)

. . . Yes, my friend, it is you and I . . . and every you and I in the land. We cannot stop ourselves being in judgement. Oh, Manylo ! - He will not be pleased. He will send thunderbolts and aliens . . . and the thunderbolts will seek out the The Unworthy . . . and the aliens will take over the minds and bodies of the people in such a subtle way that they won't even be aware of it . . .and the Manylo will say that he wrote all the songs and all the aliens will agree . . . but Louis D'Cadnov, aah . . .

(D'Cadnov had continued to laugh sporadically throughout this rant, as well as continuing to march on the spot saluting an invisible officer, first with his right hand and then with his left. I began to feel a little uneasy.)

. . . MUTOC TROASON will be at the Malcolm X gig and 'Mutoc Fugue #666' will be played ! - I can assure you of that !

(D'Cadnov began to raise his voice further, almost to a shout, and this interview was in danger of being interrupted by the hotel staff in view of the volume of D'Cadnov's rant. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, D'Cadnov began to sing ! - I recognised the tune, but not the words. It was a version of 'Consider Yourself', the Tommy Steel song that the band did, usually as the opener to the second set. I'd never heard the words before as done à la Mutoc, but D'Cadnov, oblivious to the banging of the hotel staff on the door, seemed determined to make sure that I didn't forget them. It was then that I wanted to leave and conclude the interview, but suddenly, out of the bathroom, came the other Mutocs, Serge, Liam and Pino, looking the same as they always did.

I'd been fooled ! - Serge didn't have a job and Pino hadn't left, nor did Liam look any fitter, D'Cadnov threw his head back and laughed as Liam counted the band's version of 'Consider Yourself' off . . .)

"Consider yourself . . . at War . . . (deux, trois)

Consider yourself . . one of The Enemy . . . . "

Eventually, they let me leave . . !

Editor's Note : The interviewer, Gilbert Innes Tee, has since left JOOM's editorial staff and is now a full time attendee of The Church of Lost Causes. He has given up journalism. Additionally, since this interview took place, the Malcolm X Festival has been outlawed by the Government and the members of MUTOC TROASON are all currently listed amongst The Disappeared . . . Louis, of course, among them.

p.s. Don't you agree that the latest French conjuring maestro, The Great Zidane, has Louis' eyebrows . . . n'est-ce pas ? . . . . Fin