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Chapter 9
“Explain to me again why we didn’t need the katra.” Willow sat nursing a hot cup of coffee on Giles’ sofa, watching the movements of her best friend and neighbourhood Slayer very carefully. Every now and then Buffy would look up to where Faith was sitting on the stairway leading to Giles’ room. She would glance across at the dark Slayer, and then pull her eyes away as though confused. Willow noticed though, that before too long, like every five seconds, Buffy’s eyes would return to stare at Faith.
“Quite simple really,” Giles shrugged, “When Buffy regained all her strength, her body simply couldn’t cope with holding two Slayers, so Faith’s energy returned to the place where it was most comfortable.”
“Which was Faith.” Xander filled in, very carefully keeping his back turned to that particular young woman, in the hopes that she wouldn’t see the deep shame in his eyes. He was sorry for the way he’d treated her, looked at her, heck, even the way he’d thought about her. But what made him so sorry was the fact that Faith, up to full Slayer strength, was sitting behind him on the steps. He grinned nervously.
“Huh.” Willow nodded, “Everything has somewhere it belongs,” she stated quite simply, reaching up and pulling Tara’s hand towards her. The blonde witch was leaning on the back of the sofa and grinned at Willow’s brief but philosophical thought.
“I agree Willow,” Tara patted the redhead’s shoulder affectionately, “Which is why you and I belong at home, taking care of a certain cat who is bound to be mad at us for leaving her alone all night.” She moved around the sofa to cross the room and place a hand on Faith’s shoulder. “You were great. I knew you would be,” she murmured, eliciting a tiny smile from the Slayer’s distant expression. She squeezed Faith’s shoulder once more before leaving with Willow.
Xander stood up and stretched, yawning as he did so. “And we’re going too,” he said, “Too much Slayin’ makes Xander a tired boy.”
Anya followed him to the door and as they left, Giles rose to his feet, looking between Faith and Buffy. Neither Slayer had moved, or hardly spoken since their return from the cemetery. The Watcher was aware that the connection between the two Slayers had taken a lot out of them, emotionally and, perhaps, physically. Scratching at his brow and thinking hard before speaking, he walked over to his breakfast bar, perching on a stool.
“You both did very well tonight,” he said finally, watching as Faith glanced towards him, only just realising that he was there. She looked him in the eye and her lips curved upwards into a smile of gratitude. Buffy jerked her head round at the sound of his voice in the stillness of his apartment. She frowned at him for a second then nodded shortly, pushing herself up off the sofa.
“We did what we had to,” she said, her voice abrupt and low.
“Joining forces like that,” Giles shook his head in surprise, taking off his glasses and cleaning them with a cloth he pulled from his pocket, “Quite remarkable tenacity, really. I don’t think the Watcher’s Council has ever demanded so much from the Slayer –“
Faith rose to her feet, her eyes dark and full of confusion. She shook her head fiercely, just once, her gaze fixed on the Watcher. “I didn’t do it for the Council Giles,” she said, her voice falling on his ears like a plaintive child, “I don’t owe those guys a cent, even if they did bust me outa jail. I didn’t do it for them.” She turned to look at Buffy, the blonde girl’s eyes widening in acceptance of exactly what Faith was talking about. Faith met Buffy’s stare in a more equal, less challenging manner than she had ever done. Her lips fell open as she contemplated saying something, then thought better of it. For the first time Buffy felt something; not hatred, not hurt, not resentment, but something else, something indefinable as she looked at Faith. Really looked at her.
“Well quite,” Giles replaced his glasses, not at all surprised by Faith’s sudden outburst. He offered her and Buffy a smile. “And isn’t that the sign of true friendship, being willing to give something so precious for someone else? Algar could have quite easily taken your strength too Faith.” He shoved the cloth back into his pocket and watched as Faith’s eyes flicked back to him for a second, then returned to Buffy.
“But he didn’t.” Buffy spoke clearly and without a single doubt in the other Slayer. “Faith didn’t let him.”
“Hey, we didn’t let him.” Faith held up her hand, then dropped it down by the side of her leather-clad legs. She shrugged, her trademark of carelessness covering the need to accept the hand of gratitude that Buffy was offering her.
“You both did very well.” Giles repeated, as though it was the only explanation he could give. He realised that something momentous had happened, something that wasn’t in any way connected to Algar and his strength stealing demonic presence. He had only been a catalyst to putting Faith on the right path. She had travelled the road on her own. He coughed, alerting both young women to the fact that it was late and he had his own plans.
“Yeah well, guess I should be going.” Faith pulled the edges of her jacket around her lithe body and inched forward a little. She was reluctant to leave this place, this room where she and Buffy were together without any past to creep up behind them and tap them on the shoulder, reminding them of who they once were.
“Me too.” Buffy reached behind her and grabbed her coat, pulling the red leather over her shoulders. She followed Faith to the door and turned to look at Giles. He smiled at her, nodding, this was the right path to follow. Offering him a small smile that held regret and acknowledgement, she kept close to Faith as the Slayers left.
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Tara stroked the small bundle of fur in her lap thoughtfully, watching as Willow moved around the room, turning off lights and checking that the door was locked. She had grown quite accustomed to Willow’s nighttime rituals; in fact, she thought they were kind of cute. Willow paid such attention to detail, in the smallest sense. Once, Willow had been almost offended that Tara found such pleasure in her quirky ways, Tara remembered fondly. That had made her giggle privately too.
Finally, Willow came to sit by Tara as she sat on the bed with Miss Kitty Fantastico in her lap. She bit her lip pensively and glanced at her girlfriend. “Buffy seemed kind of wigged out when we got back to Giles’” she said, leaning against Tara’s arm and reaching across to tickle the small cat behind the ears.
“Hardly surprising.” Tara smiled gently at the redhead. “Possessions by Slayers can get you like that sometimes.”
“Yeah?” Willow tweaked Tara’s arm playfully, “And how often have you been possessed by a Slayer?”
Tara feigned hurt, “I read about it once, in a book. You’re not the only one who knows things, you know.” She leant down and kissed the top of Willow’s head. The other girl responded by scooting down on the bed and resting her chin on Tara’s thigh, pulling faces at the little cat, making it mew back at her.
“Faith was great wasn’t she?” Willow breathed, the movement of her mouth on Tara’s leg making her head bob up and down as she spoke. “I mean, I think Buffy was surprised. I think everyone was surprised.”
“Except you and me.” Tara nodded, “I knew she could do it.” She smiled proudly as she thought of the dark Slayer and all her deficiencies. Tonight no one had seen any of them. She had shown what Tara preferred to think were her true colours; broad, wild, strong and reliable.
Willow moved her head so that she could look up into the other witch’s face. Tara was so strong, she thought to herself, she was such a good friend to Faith. No wonder she had had the guts to go through with the whole katra thing. “You and Faith, it’s weird,” she began, her voice almost hesitant. Tara’s eyes swung down to meet two pools of summer green, glistening up at her with startling clarity.
“What’s weird?” Tara almost laughed. It wasn’t a word she would have used. Being friends with Faith was something she felt confident with, which, for her, was probably a first. After Willow of course, she reminded herself, grinning at the face that was watching her carefully. She lifted Miss Kitty off her lap, setting the cat down onto the floor where she dashed off, chasing a non-existent prey around the room.
“Well you know, her being Faith and all,” Willow said, her hand snaking round to cover Tara’s other thigh, “She used to be so ‘out there’ and fierce.” A smile tickled its way over her lips, “You’ve turned her into a big pussycat.”
“Hardly,” Tara tittered, “You saw her tonight, give her a demon and big sword and she’s right where she belongs.”
“Yeah but she’s different with you. How do you do that? It’s like, you walk into a room and everyone calms down right away. You’re so….” Willow searched for the right word, “….serene.”
“Gotta balance out my crazy Scooby witch somehow.” Tara’s fingers moved through Willow’s hair, watching in delight as the caress elicited a sigh of pleasure from the other girl. She massaged her fingers down to the base of Willow’s neck, pushing gently at the tension that was there. Willow groaned softly, her eyes closing briefly in supplication.
“She likes you.” Willow’s eyes snapped open and she stared at Tara. She sat up and faced the other witch, shifting her position slightly on the bed so that she could hold her hands between them. “I mean, you know, if you ever found someone….” Her voice trailed away before she took a breath and started again, “If you met someone that you liked better than me, and they liked you too, you’d tell me wouldn’t you?” Her pale eyebrows drew together in a frown as she searched Tara’s face with worried eyes. “I don’t want you to be unhappy.” Her gaze dropped as she hung her head.
“What’s all this about?” Tara whispered, putting her hand underneath Willow’s chin and pushing her head up so that she could look into her eyes again. “I love you Willow, I really do. I’m not even thinking about anyone else, let alone meeting them – “ she stopped herself as she realised what her girlfriend had been talking about. “Is this about Faith?” she questioned, seeing by the guilty look on Willow’s face that it was. A smile played around the corners of her mouth, threatening to turn into a laugh if she wasn’t careful.
Reaching up with her hand, Tara brushed her palm down Willow’s cheek, feeling the softness of the other girl’s skin against her own. “Silly thing,” she whispered softly, her voice a mere sigh from her lips. “Don’t you know how much I adore you?”
Willow felt like she was going to cry. Sometimes, the slightest touch from Tara could send her into another realm entirely. It was like the whole world drifted away and it was just the two of them alone forever. She had never doubted Tara, not once; it was herself she didn’t trust. She was so in love with this woman in front of her that sometimes it was all she could do to keep from screaming it at everyone she met.
Looking down at her lap, Willow nodded, the tiniest of movements from her head. “And I adore you,” she said, her voice very small, “which is why I guess someone like Faith would too.”
The sound of Tara laughing sent her head jerking back up. The blonde threw her head back and giggled loudly, grasping Willow’s hands and pulling her to her own body for a tight hug. She let go, observing the confused look on the redhead’s face, which sent her into another peal of giggles again. She shook her head and tried to calm herself down a little.
“Willow!” she gasped, “F-Faith?”
“Well, yeah,” Willow looked a little hurt, “She’s the glamorous Slayer type, all leather pants and sexy cleavagy look…..ooh, and she’s got that whole dark eyes thing as well and – “ her hands were working overtime as she tried to describe Faith.
“Willow,” Tara took her lover’s shoulders firmly in her hands and looked her in the eye, still grinning at the other girl, “Faith isn’t in Sunnydale because she’s in love with me.” She raised her eyebrows, not wanting to have to spell it out for the other girl.
“Oh.” Willow said, letting her hands fall into her lap. She looked at Tara and saw the other girl raise her eyebrows again. Suddenly, realisation hit her like a bag of bricks. “Ooooh!” she said, nodding emphatically and winking across at the blonde, “I see now!”
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They had been walking in silence for a while, each keeping step with the other, not really knowing what to say. Faith had shoved her hands into her pockets and looked down at the ground, her boots scuffing against the sidewalk occasionally.
It was a quiet night, Buffy thought to herself, as they made their way past houses in her neighbourhood. Sometimes quiet was too quiet, it spelled out trouble with a capital ‘V’, but tonight, somehow it seemed as though even evil had taken the night off, leaving two young girls at a loose end. The moon suddenly peeked out from behind a cloudbank to shine down, illuminating the path in front of them with a silvery sheen.
Glancing over at Faith, Buffy could see that the other girl was deep in thought, her eyes down and her brow furrowed. It was like looking at her for the first time, she thought. Faith was different. In some mysterious way, she had gone from psycho killer to sacrificial lamb in one fail swoop. Giving herself over to Buffy in order for the blonde Slayer to get her strength back must have been hard, taking into account Buffy’s obvious feelings towards her. A pang of guilt stretched deep into the blonde girl’s mind, giving her the reason to let that ‘Faith’ part of her open up again. She had kept that door locked and bolted for a long time, but, looking at the other girl now, she was aware of those old feelings stirring again inside her. So much confusion, betrayal and pain slipped into remission, letting something else take their place.
Whether she liked it or not, Buffy accepted it.
When they stopped walking, Faith lifted her head, realising that they were outside Buffy’s house. She watched as Buffy cast a glance towards the darkened building, then back to her. Faith couldn’t help squirming slightly under the intense gaze of the Slayer.
“So….uh….” she began, then almost kicked herself. Forget it Faith, a voice inside told her, she’s not going to give you the time of day. Deal with it.
“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, shrugging her shoulders, aware that she had to make this moment last or it would be gone forever.
“I should…” Faith jerked her thumb over her shoulder in order to allow herself running space. Her heart was pounding in her head as she wondered how many miles she would have to go to get away from this forever. She was already speeding away from this in her heart; avoidance had always been her strong point. But her feet refused to take her anywhere.
Taking her keys from her pocket, Buffy made for the pathway leading to her front door. “Wanna come in?” she asked, not looking back. For a second her heart stopped as her voice reached the dark Slayer behind her. It only started beating again as she heard booted footsteps following her onto the porch.
Chapter 10
Flicking the switch by the door, Buffy turned on the light, illuminating the familiar room with a brightness that made Faith squint slightly after being outside. She watched as Buffy took off her coat and walked into the middle of the room.
Glancing towards the stairs, Faith remembered the last time she had seen Buffy’s mother. She had been threatening to kill her at the time. The dark Slayer gulped at the guilt that was rising in her throat. So many apologies, so many wrongdoings. Angel had once told her that feeling guilty was the only thing that made people change, without it they were nothing, felt nothing. But the guilt was the one thing that made Faith hate herself more than any other living creature. All those demons and creatures she had killed, they were all substitutes for the real reason she was such an efficient slayer. Every time she staked, kicked, impaled or beheaded, it was her own insecurities she was battling. Realising that had been a point she’d never thought she would reach. But doing something about it…..she sighed, that was the real toughie.
“Aren’t you gonna come in?” Buffy turned to see Faith still hovering by the doorway.
“Uh…is this okay? I mean, what are you gonna say, gee, look mom, Faith’s called to say hi?” she closed the heavy front door behind her and shuffled forward, her eyes ranging the room and coming to rest on the blonde Slayer.
Buffy pursed her lips and shook her head. “Mom’s away for a few days.” She gestured to the sofa and sat down, waiting until Faith was perched a good distance away. “’Sides, do you think I’d bring you back here with Mom in the house? Not a good idea.”
“No.” Faith looked down at her hands, clasped together, her fingers pressing so hard against one another that her knuckles were turning white.
“Drink?” Buffy stood, moving towards the kitchen. Faith shrugged a reply, not really wanting to do anything apart from be in the same place that Buffy was. She watched as the other girl disappeared into the kitchen, returning a couple of minutes later with two large glasses of orange juice, one of which she handed to Faith.
Sitting down again, Buffy stared into her glass of juice for a second before her eyes swung around to stare at Faith, almost uncomprehending what she saw. For so long, she had pictured the old Faith, with a swagger and a couldn’t care less attitude. The girl sitting near her now was slightly less than that. Well, Buffy admitted, a lot less than that. Even Faith’s demeanour had changed somewhat. It was as though someone, or something, had opened a gate through which a newer Slayer was slowly emerging.
“What?” Faith asked her, noticing that Buffy was looking her over. A chill went through her body as their eyes met. From the reaction in the blue pools opposite her, Buffy felt it too.
“I guess we should talk.” Buffy said evenly, placing her juice on the table in front of the sofa. Sitting back, she folded her arms and took a breath. “I didn’t want you to come back, you know.”
“I know.” Faith nodded. She too, put her juice on the table and turned sideways, one leather leg bent at the knee, the other stretched out on the floor. “I had to….it was a Slayer thing.” She smiled crookedly and pushed a hand through her heavy dark hair. “I couldn’t leave things the way they were, with you hating me an’ all. I had a lot of time to think about stuff in jail. Funny how a few bars on the window can do that to you.”
“I did hate you Faith,” Buffy’s voice was laced with a bitterness she couldn’t feel any longer. She had to let it go. Had to. Resting a hand on the back of the sofa, she put her head onto it, closing her eyes against the memories. “I wanted you to die for what you did to me….to all of us.”
“B…” Faith said softly, in a way that Buffy had wanted to hear for so long. She inhaled the affection of the nickname, as though she had never heard it before.
“I can’t forget,” Buffy said suddenly, opening her eyes and sitting up. “I can’t forget what you did. But I will remember what you were tonight.” She couldn’t stop herself making eye contact with Faith, the dark eyes filled with regret sent a shiver of longing through her. How many times had she wanted this moment? How many dreams had she shared with Faith? The dark Slayer had walked through all of her sleeping moments, always at the back of everything.
“I did it because I had to B,” Faith’s voice was cracked with the effort of talking like this. “I had to do something, what with you being denial girl and all.”
Buffy smiled, despite herself. “Sure. So says the queen of denial herself.”
“Hey, if I keep tellin’ myself it ain’t there, then it ain’t.” Faith joked, a smile colouring her eyes for a second before fading. She shifted her position slightly, moving to take off her jacket. As she did so, Buffy was painfully aware of the muscled tone of Faith’s shoulders. The sleeveless top she was wearing was tight against her skin, moulding it in a shiny black material that contrasted with her healthy natural tones. Buffy was ashamed to find herself staring at Faith’s body, her eyes ranging up and down it, wondering what it would look like. Blinking, she pulled her gaze away, colouring slightly. What was happening here?
Pushing her jacket onto the floor, Faith sat back, wincing slightly. She reached up with one arm and rubbed at her shoulder, noticing a painful spot just above her joint. She felt around for a few seconds until she found a tight lump of muscle and pushed at it. The hurt made her gasp, alerting Buffy’s attention once again to Faith’s body.
“What is it?” Buffy leant forward, her face a picture of concern.
“Ah nothin’, I had a tussle with a big vamp guy a couple of nights ago. The first night I got here.” Faith ignored the look of reprove that Buffy gave her and rubbed again, this time letting out a sharp cry of pain. “That’s what you get when you don’t fight regularly.”
“Here, let me look.” Buffy shuffled forward on the sofa, her hands reaching out. She knew that Slayers healed quickly, but their increased strength often meant that their injuries hurt twice as much as anybody else’s. Faith almost shrank back from her hands, the dark girl’s mouth forming an ‘o’ of silent protest. Buffy pressed her lips together in a tight line. “Let me look,” she demanded firmly, “It could be something serious.”
As Faith turned around so that her back was facing Buffy, she agreed. It was something serious all right. The woman she had thought about night and day was placing her hands onto her flesh, she could feel the slight calluses on Buffy’s hands from years of gripping wooden stakes, but she could also feel the softness of those hands too. A shiver ran through her. She coughed and twisted her shoulders slightly to cover it up.
Buffy began to massage Faith’s shoulders firmly, her fingers striking a note of terror and excitement into the other girl’s heart. Closing her eyes, Faith gave herself up to the touch of the Slayer, hard fingertip touches pinching and moving her muscles.
“See, you’re just tense.” Buffy stated calmly, although she was feeling a hot flush fill up her senses. She had never been this close to Faith before; the dark girl had never let her come this close. It was all so innocent and….she thought the word before it even formed in her head, intimate. Yeah, it was intimate. Something she had never envisaged with Faith. But, she had to admit to herself, it felt good. Maybe a little too good.
“Hey, I like tense,” Faith protested, letting out a little groan of pleasure that thrilled Buffy to her core, “See, tense is where I – ow!” she pulled away from Buffy, turning and fixing her with a hurt expression on her features. A hand leapt up to her shoulder instinctively protecting the sore muscle there, “Whaddya tryin’ to do B? Break me?”
Buffy leapt back, at once apologetic and hurt by the sudden loss of contact. She watched as Faith rubbed at her shoulder then settled slightly, shrugging it up and down to move the enflamed muscle into place.
“I’m sorry, I – “
“Ah, forget it B. It just hurt a little, that’s all.” Faith held up her hand to stop the other girl, looking down at her lap, the sofa, the table. Anywhere than at Buffy herself.
“Let me try again, I’ll be more gentle this time. I promise.” Buffy gave Faith her best sweet smile, watching as the other Slayer’s eyes narrowed somewhat. Faith opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again, pressing her lips into a short line of defeat. She turned around and breathed a slow sigh of gratitude as Buffy’s fingers returned to her shoulders. This time, they travelled up and down her neck, massaging out the tension there, deftly pressing up and down Faith’s spine. It was heavenly. Faith couldn’t resist moaning as Buffy’s thumb teetered up into her hairline, then back down again to the base of her neck.
Buffy smiled to herself, enjoying the feel of Faith’s body under her touch. If she’d known it was going to be this good, she’d have forgiven her a long time ago….she stopped. What? Good? Touching Faith was good? A brief moment of horror slipped into her mind before the sensation of Faith’s warm skin under her fingers lulled her back into just going with it. It was only a massage anyway wasn’t it? She inhaled the moment, making it last in her head. Wanting it to carry on in her heart.
“So you and Tara look like you’ve made friends.” Was it her or did her voice sound strained? Buffy thought frantically.
“Uh huh,” Faith said absently, moving her head from side to side. “She’s a cutie.”
“Yeah? Your type?” Buffy teased.
Faith tensed under her touch. “My type? Didn’t think I had a type, B.”
“Well you know Willow would fight you for her any day.”
“Yeah, she’d probably win too.” Faith chuckled, “Ain’t no way of prising those two apart. I guess Red surprised everyone with that little declaration.”
“Hmm, well as long as she’s happy, I’m happy.” Buffy countered. “Tara’s nice, we all like her.”
“Acceptance from the Scoobies.” Faith’s voice sounded just a bit jealous. “Gotta say, you guys don’t make it easy to break into your special little gang.”
“And you don’t make it easy to invite you,” Buffy pressed hard on Faith’s neck, eliciting a delicious gasp of sudden pain from the dark Slayer.
“Bitch.”
“When it’s necessary, yeah.” Buffy grinned, enjoying this. She moved her hands down, onto the smooth skin of Faith’s arms, wondering if the other girl knew how she wanted her, at this very moment. The feeling swept through Buffy and lay still in the pit of her stomach. She’d always known that Faith, with her easy sexuality, had attracted her. It had just taken her a long time to realise in what way. There was the element of the dangerous about Faith, the unpredictable. Even now, with her calmer, more controlled exterior, Buffy knew that the older, more primal Faith was still there, deep down. She moved her hands up and down Faith’s arms, trailing her fingers sensuously to the wrist then back up again to the shoulder.
“Uh…B?”
“Mmm?”
“What are you doing?” Faith turned so that she could see Buffy, her eyes almost purple-black, tainted with a light that danced from them to rest between the two girls.
“Huh?” Buffy was confused. Had she just been doing what she thought she was doing? In distress, she found herself flushing bright red. Her gaze dropped down to her lap, where she wrung her hands together nervously. “I wasn’t….ah…I was giving you a….a…massage….” she said lamely.
“Buffy,” Faith’s hand cupped her chin, moving her head up so that she could make contact with a pair of dark eyes that were swallowing all reason whole. “You know why I came back here don’t you?” Faith’s voice was low, almost a whisper.
Buffy nodded, knowing exactly why Faith was here. Why they were together. Why this had to happen. All her senses screamed at her to stop, consider reasoning with the other Slayer. But her heart pounded with the inevitability of this moment.
Moving forward, Faith closed the gap between them so that her face was almost touching Buffy’s. Her hand slid around the back of Buffy’s head, her fingers splaying wide to press against the Slayer’s skull. Slowly, she pulled Buffy’s lips to her own and kissed her.
As their lips touched, Buffy felt an electric pulse ride up and down her body, deciding to set her thighs quivering. She felt Faith’s lips move against her own, parting, then closing again, holding her mouth in an embrace that she had never experienced before. A moan escaped her throat, making Faith’s hand pull her closer, so that their kiss was harder and harder with each inch…
Buffy wrenched herself from Faith’s hold, scrambling back on the sofa, pushing herself up and standing, hands on hips, gazing down at the dark Slayer, her face a portrait of confusion and hurt.
“What do you think you are doing?” she winced at how prim her voice sounded.
Faith leant back on the sofa, a glaze covering her eyes at Buffy’s words. She assumed an older, more familiar stance, shifting so that her legs hung lazily over the edge of the sofa, her arms draped openly across her body. A scowl painted her lips before she locked the old barriers into place.
“Oh I don’t know B, kissing you?” she offered sarcastically.
“And what gives you the….I mean…you said you’d changed!” Buffy pointed an accusing finger at Faith, blustering away like a one woman firework on the carpet in front of the dark girl, who shrugged and looked away. Buffy’s voice raised a notch and she grew even more resentful of the woman who had looked so deep into her soul, she’d revealed feelings not even Buffy knew existed.
“Yeah.” Faith nodded, wondering if Buffy could see through her veneer to the throbbing pain that was eating away at her heart. Inwardly she cursed herself for even thinking she could have a chance at this. She promised herself never to feel anything for anyone again. Just like before. It was the only way not to get hurt.
“So what, you think that what you did tonight gives you open season on Slayer seduction?” Buffy’s voice sounded angry, although what she was really feeling, standing there shaking in distress, was fear. Fear of feeling the way she had just done with Faith’s mouth on her own.
Faith’s eyes swung up to meet Buffy’s in an affronted manner. “No,” she said, her voice hard and toneless, “I did it because I wanted to.”
“I see,” Buffy rolled her eyes, planting her hands down onto her hips again. “Of course. What Faith wants, Faith gets. Is that right?”
Faith shrugged, reaching onto the floor her for her coat. Her heart breaking, she stood up and put one arm through the sleeve, pulling it over her shoulder. “Sure, whatever. A fuck’s just a fuck.” She thrust her other arm angrily through the other sleeve and turned for the door. If she left now, she might be able to get away from this.
“Faith!” Buffy’s voice behind her made her freeze. For a second she almost turned around, almost told Buffy that she now understood what love meant, that she had fought against it for too long. But old insecurities welled up to grasp her in their clutches, whispering in her ear that she was wrong. Love was a dream, it wasn’t real. It was something people held in front of them to give them hope, that was all. Love was the wrapping people used to package sex, lust, wanting. In the end love didn’t matter a damn. Rubbing the back of her hand across her eyes, Faith realised that she was crying, the hot tears of the angry. She cursed herself once again and took another step nearer the door.
“Faith, I swear if you leave here without explaining I’ll….”
Now she turned. Now she faced Buffy. Now she revealed herself in all her raw, naked emotion. Her eyes wet with tears, she tried to control her mouth, working against her, twisting itself into an ugly line of pity and shame.
“You’ll what?” she said, her voice cracking with emotion, “Hurt me? Too late B, already done that. Why don’t you just try killin’ me and get it over with?” She sniffed back the tears that were still oozing from the corners of her eyes and shook her head. “It’s too late, I know that now. Shoulda gone somewhere else….I guess….I don’t have anything else. I don’t have anyone else.” Her voice trailed away hoarsely, matching the harsh breathing spurting from her mouth.
Buffy was shocked, her body frozen by the broken woman standing in front of her. Emotion pulsed at her neck, throbbing its way into her brain. Then she remembered. Like a dream she had once had, the memory wandered into her mind, filling her with hope.
“I heard what you said.”
“Huh?” Faith scrubbed at her eyes with the cuff of her jacket.
“I heard what you said, in the cemetery, to Algar.” Buffy’s voice was halting and unsure. The only thing she was sure about was that she didn’t want Faith to leave, not like this. “You said you loved me.”
“I lied.” Faith said, anger at herself surging once more through her veins. “It was all one big, fuckin’ lie.”
“No,” Buffy shook her head, moving closer to Faith. “No, it wasn’t.”
“Don’t come near me.” Faith held up her hand, as though to ward the Slayer off with it.
“You said it Faith, you said how you felt. How you feel.” Buffy inched closer to the other girl who stood trembling by the doorway.
“I mean it Buffy, don’t come near me. Don’t fuckin’ come near me!”
By now Buffy was close to Faith, just a few steps away. She could hear the ragged breaths coming from the other girl and felt her heart leap with the knowledge that what she had heard was true. In an instant, her arms were around Faith, feeling the other girl fighting against her, resisting her. She pushed back with her Slayer strength, the two of them pressing against the other, pushing with arms, hips, bodies, minds.
“Faith, Faith….” Buffy whispered, her lips pressed against the other girl’s neck, “please don’t go. Stay with me.” She held the dark Slayer tightly to her own body, her strong arms crushing the lithe form to her. A sob was thrown from Faith’s mouth, and she felt two arms slide around her back and return the embrace. Closing her eyes, Buffy leant her head back and pushed her lips onto Faith’s, a kiss melting from forgiveness into desire, then surging into passion.
Opening her mouth, Buffy felt Faith’s tongue snake inside, bumping against her teeth, flicking on her own. A kaleidoscopic whirlwind of emotion roared in her ears, deafening her. Faith’s hands on her head, pulling her in, quickly, melding their two mouths together. It was the single most erotic moment in the young Slayer’s life and she gave herself up to it wholly.
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Chapter 11
How they got upstairs to Buffy’s room neither of them really understood. Their clothes laid a trail up the stairs; a jacket, a pair of jeans, Faith’s leather pants. They had tripped, fallen, giggled and nursed each other up the flight of stairs into the darkened bedroom, not wanting to let the other go.
By the time they fell onto Buffy’s bed, both of them were practically naked, save a few shreds of underwear. Looking at Faith’s muscular body, Buffy felt a pang of desire run through her, making her smile and kiss Faith again. She reached for the other girl, but Faith caught her hand with a frown and pushed it back.
“No,” she murmured, “Let me.”
Lying back on the bed, Buffy was aware only of Faith’s dark eyes and bruised lips rising above her. A hand touched her cheek gently, then moved firmly down her throat, trailing down her chest to where her breasts swelled, her nipples jutting out firmly underneath her bra.
Faith let one finger move over a nipple, smiling at the sound of pleasure coming from the blonde girl’s throat. Lowering her head, she sucked at the nipple nearest to her through the thin silky material. As it hardened beneath her mouth, she caught it between her teeth and pulled it towards her, letting it spring back. Buffy gasped and lifted her head slightly to see what Faith was doing. The dark Slayer caught the nipple once more between her teeth, this time biting down hard on it. The expression of pain that Buffy let slide from between her lips held a promise of delight, surprise and lust. It sent a resonance of desire whipping through Faith’s body, her own nipples hardening and rising in response.
She grinned at Buffy before kissing her hard on the lips, the other girl’s mouth opening instinctively to let Faith’s tongue move inside. Buffy’s arms spread around Faith’s back, holding her close, her hips pushing up against the other Slayer’s, a heat emanating from in between them. She was already wet, she knew that, she had been since Faith had first kissed her. All she wanted was Faith’s body on hers, around her, in her. Realising that and merely thinking about it sent her into a spiral of lust once more.
Pulling back from the embrace, Faith pushed at Buffy’s bra, lifting it up over her breasts, her rough touch exciting the other girl. Bending her head once more, she licked and caressed the nipple with her tongue, feeling it respond exquisitely to her mouth. Buffy’s head lolled back on her neck, her mouth open, breathing words that Faith had never heard from her before; words of sensuous impatience and low desire.
The dark Slayer’s hand crept downward, over Buffy’s stomach that was rising and falling with every movement of Faith’s tongue. Touching the scant waistband of the panties that Buffy wore, Faith took one finger and trailed it downward to between Buffy’s legs. Her panties were soaked. A smile formed the dark girl’s mouth into a heart shaped bow of pleasure. Touching Buffy on the outside of her panties, Faith stroked a slow rhythm of want and need, feeling the blonde girl’s hips rise and fall, matching the chord she struck so delicately.
“I want to touch you,” Buffy whispered, her hands moving to Faith’s body, grasping at her arm, moving around to cup one of Faith’s breasts in her hand. She rubbed her thumb over one of Faith’s dark nipples, feeling the dark Slayer increase the pressure between Buffy’s legs. She liked this, oh how she liked it. Flashing lights filled Buffy’s head as she raised herself up, pushing Faith back with a strong hand.
The dark haired girl frowned slightly, feeling the resistance against her own body, although her hand never stopped its movement, never once broke the growing rhythm of gentle anticipation.
“Buffy,” Faith used the other girl’s full name, her tongue wrapping itself around the word lovingly, “I wanna – “
“Faith,” Buffy held up a hand, two fingers laying themselves across Faith’s lips, “Don’t you get it? I want to.”
The look that filled Faith’s eyes was one of unadulterated joy, the depths of her dark gaze broadening with a purer emotion, no longer rooted in lust. She smiled against Buffy’s fingers as the blonde girl let out a breath and moved in for another kiss. Their embrace deepened, rising with passion as Buffy slipped her hand onto Faith’s firm stomach, revelling in the taut skin and smooth texture, so unlike a man’s. She moaned against Faith’s mouth, exciting the dark girl.
Swiftly, Faith slipped her hand into Buffy’s panties, spreading her fingers wide and reaching down towards the nest of curls that were damp with longing. She watched as Buffy pulled back, her mouth an open circle of surprise. Parting the velvety lips, Faith pushed her index finger inside the other girl and slid it up and down the silk-wet length, just once.
“Take them off,” she whispered hoarsely, her eyes moving down to Buffy’s panties. As the blonde girl hastily complied, Faith slid her own underwear down her long, firm legs, throwing it onto the bedroom floor. Turning, she let her gaze drift up the slender form of the blonde Slayer, until their eyes met. She moved back onto the bed, lying down next to Buffy, their mouth meeting in a kiss once more.
“I didn’t think – “ Buffy began, but Faith hushed her.
“Me either. I didn’t think. I knew.” Leaning forward, Faith began planting kisses down Buffy’s chest until she held her nipple in her mouth once more. Her fingers returned to their previous home, only this time, Buffy’s legs parted and Faith slid two fingers inside her.
Buffy let out a groan of desire and pleasure, one hand reaching up to lose itself in Faith’s thick, black hair; the other stretching down to tentatively stroke Faith’s stomach again, fingers moving inch by glorious inch into the wet darkness that lay there. Now it was Faith’s turn to let out a gasp, a moan, and an encouragement, hissed urgently into Buffy’s ear.
Faith’s athletic body swung up onto her knees, kneeling next to Buffy, allowing the other girl to slide her fingers deep inside her. They began to match each other’s rhythm, thrusting deeper into the slick wetness that invited them. Faith put one hand by the side of Buffy’s head to steady herself as she felt the passion surge in her veins. Her thighs began to grow rigid as she felt the first wave of an orgasm building in the pit of her stomach, fluttering its way up and down her body.
Buffy’s skin began to take on a sheen of sweat as she realised she had never felt this way before. No one had ever loved her so completely, with such an electric touch. The sensation of Faith’s fingers inside her was filling her whole body with life, making her move in a way she had never done with Riley, nor with Angel. This woman moving within her was awakening her truest desire, her most base need. This was primal, it was raw, it was so good she bucked her hips against Faith’s hand, banging herself into it with an ecstasy she never thought she would feel.
Bringing herself down onto Buffy’s fingers, Faith sunk the other girl’s hand deeper and deeper into herself, relishing the moment of pure contact. All she could hear was the breathing of her own excitement, rushing in her head. Looking down, Buffy’s eyes were closed and her teeth were grabbing her bottom lip, pulling it up slightly.
“Buffy, look at me,” she demanded, her voice cracked and low. “For God’s sake, look at me.”
The blonde Slayer’s eyes opened and in that moment of suspended time, they saw each other, as though for the first time ever. As Buffy strained against her fingers, Faith felt the surge inside her, knowing that she too was close. A second, or was it an hour, later, they tensed, letting the orgasm wash through them both, the same one, different, beginning and ending everything. Faith heard Buffy call out her name, just once, as she lost herself in a moment of release, her body jerking with tremors that consumed her whole.
Her legs trembling, Faith fell onto the bed beside Buffy and felt the other Slayer’s arms circle her body. She pressed her shaking limbs against the slight figure of the blonde girl, laying her head onto her shoulder, closing her eyes, and sobbed.
Chapter 12
Sunlight blinked over Faith’s face, making her open her eyes, squinting against the light that streamed in through Buffy’s bedroom window. She raised her head and was awake before she realised that something, no, someone was clinging onto her body. Twisting her head round, she felt Buffy’s arms around her waist, her blonde hair laid out on the pillow behind her. A crooked smile worked its way across Faith’s mouth, as she leant back onto the soft pillow for a second, feeling warmth from the other girl’s body inside and out.
Buffy moved, mumbling something to herself as she slowly came back to the land of the living. Faith turned around, leaning her head up onto one hand, waiting as Buffy opened her eyes, squeezing them hard, then looked up into the face that was smiling down at her.
“Mmm…hey,” the blonde Slayer said, snuggling against Faith’s body underneath the blanket.
“Hey yourself.” Faith said, reaching down and pushing a strand of yellow hair back from the other girl’s face. Her hand trailed down Buffy’s face, eliciting a smile from her. “How d’you sleep?”
“Pretty good,” Buffy yawned behind her hand, “apart from your snoring.”
“I snore?” Faith was half amused and half surprised. She’d never let anyone stay long enough before to tell her something like that. A dread had always risen in her when she contemplated the ‘morning after’, although, she thought with a fond smile, this wasn’t so bad.
Buffy rolled her eyes, “Snore? You? Like a drill in my head. All night.” She tapped a finger against her temple for emphasis.
“Slayer snores.” Faith smirked, “Extra strength.”
Moving closer to her, Buffy curled herself up in Faith’s embrace, the dark girl’s arms moving around her, holding her tight. For a moment, neither one of them spoke. The oddity of the situation hadn’t quite hit them yet. For this moment, they were just two girls in love, lying in bed, feeling satiated simply by their closeness.
“So…I guess I might have some explaining to do to someone, when we finally get out of here.” Buffy suddenly said, her voice rumbling through her back onto Faith’s chest.
“Why?”
“Well, you gotta admit Faith, this isn’t what any of us had in mind when you came back.”
“You speak for yourself.” One of Faith’s hands reached up to smooth its way down Buffy’s arm, whilst a pair of lips kissed her gently on one shoulder.
“Oh, that’s right,” Buffy twisted around so that she was looking Faith in the face. Her Faith, she thought happily, only hers. She felt such tenderness for the girl who had lain in her arms crying last night. So much had come out then, so much pain and regret. And it was all in the past now, Buffy thought decisively, that was all gone. She met Faith’s questioning gaze and continued, “A fuck’s just a fuck, right?” A wry smile curved her mouth as the dark Slayer shifted uncomfortably in the bed.
“Okay, so maybe I was wrong.” Faith said, flicking her gaze downward for a second, before her dark eyes swung up to connect with Buffy’s. “I was wrong about a lot of things. But I made good, right? I mean, I wanted to…” her tone was still asking for forgiveness, a tiny confused frown crinkling lines between her dark brows in a way that Buffy found so endearing.
Buffy laid her lips on Faith’s, a signal of acceptance and love. “You did,” she said, as she drew back. “Let’s just get on with things shall we? See how Sunnydale likes having two hot Slayers instead of just one,” she giggled.
A frown clouded Faith’s eyes and she moved back slightly, the sudden shift away from Buffy alerting the other girl. Sitting up, the dark Slayer pulled her knees up to her chin, resting it on top of them.
“What is it?” Buffy sat up too, her eyes asking questions she wasn’t sure she wanted answered. “If you’re worrying about where you’ll live, then that’s no biggie, I mean…you can….you can stay here if you like. I’ll get the thumbs up from Mom and we can be roomies…” It all came out in such a rush, in her haste to keep this moment for as long as she could.
“I can’t stay B.” Faith looked away, not wanting to see the expression of pain flit across Buffy’s face. She faced the window, her dark hair catching the sunlight, flecking it with purple and blue.
“What?”
“I…I just can’t.” Faith got up out of the bed and started to walk around the room, picking up pieces of her clothing that were strewn on the floor. She sighed as she realised that most of her clothes were probably still lying on the stairs. The memory of last night flashed like quicksilver into her mind and she fought against it. Pain followed like rain after a storm, flooding all of her senses. She winced, her face contorted into sadness for a brief second before pulling herself together. She’d known all along that this wasn’t intended to last. The fact that it had gotten this far had knocked her completely off course.
“Wh….why?” Buffy’s voice came to her, tearful and strangled. Turning, Faith saw droplets of tears at the edge of Buffy’s eyes, threatening to roll down her cheeks. She sat on the end of the bed, knowing that if she got closer to the blonde Slayer, then she would never leave.
“Because…” she sighed, “lots of reasons.”
“Don’t you love me?” Buffy pleaded, not wanting to hear Faith deny her again, a dull ache filling the place where her heart used to be.
“B….Buffy,” Faith shook her head, looking down at the scraps of material in her hands, twisting them together in a strong grasp, “I love you even though I know I shouldn’t, I know it’s not right.”
“It feels right.” Still the other Slayer protested, gulping at the hot acid choking her throat.
“Yeah, it feels fanfuckingtabulous.” Faith grinned for a brief second, before the smile fell from her lips and she turned her gaze to meet Buffy’s. Looking into her eyes pulled Faith towards her, and she kissed her once hastily, her lips pushing urgently against the other girl’s before she shoved herself back to the end of the bed. “But I can’t be with you. It’s not right,” she repeated. She took a short breath before letting it slip slowly out of her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut for a second.
“I don’t understand. Why not?” Buffy clenched her fists against her body, her knuckles white and hard.
“There’s too much to do. Other people I need to….oh I don’t know B, call it a sense of duty if you like,” Faith shrugged. “I spent too long wastin’ this gift, this whole Slayer thing. I never understood it like you do. It’s not about the power,” she shook her head slowly, “It’s like this whole new world has opened up for me, the things I can do, help people, be good.” She paused, looking across to where Buffy listened, her body taut and rigid. “Be like you,” she added softly. “All my life, that’s all I wanted.”
“But, you can do that here in Sunnydale!” Buffy urged her, “You can Faith!”
The dark girl’s head shook again. “No B, I can’t,” she said slowly, “This is where you belong. I haven’t found my place yet.” She stood up, “God knows B, I love you like nothin’ I’ve ever felt before in my life, but I can’t stay here. I need to belong somewhere…where I can follow my own path. I don’t wanna walk yours.”
Buffy opened her mouth to say something, then shut it again. Looking at the earnest demeanour of the other Slayer, she sensed in her something that Faith had never found before; direction. She was right; they each had their own path to follow. For one night, theirs had been the same route, but now, it was time to part at the crossroads. The finality and realisation of it all filled her mind with acknowledgement, even if her heart bluntly refused acceptance. The love she felt for Faith was overwhelming, she knew that now. It was bigger than the both of them, big enough even, to let her go. She nodded slowly at the other girl, understanding at last.
“I’ll never forget you Faith,” she said, the tears in her throat making every word an effort, “and I’ll always love you.”
Faith pressed her lips together in an effort to control the emotion pressing against every nerve ending in her body. “I’ll always love you too B.”
One last time, she looked down at the girl in bed, loving her with her eyes, her body, everything she had. Then she turned and left the room.
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The truck slowed to a halt on the interstate leading out of Sunnydale. Frank never usually picked up hitchhikers, but the girl at the side of the road looked pretty beat, like she had been standing there for hours. The midday sun hung low in the sky, its wintry luminescence flashing through the windscreen into his eyes.
Squinting, he leaned across the cab and flung open the door, watching as the girl clambered into the seat beside him. She pulled the door shut and glanced across at him.
“Thanks,” she nodded, pushing the dark hair back from her face, leaning back in the seat and lifting her leather clad legs up so that she was curled against the window. She pulled her denim jacket around her, the tiny bag buffering her head against the glass.
“No problem,” Frank shifted the truck into gear and pulled away from the curb. “So where you goin’?”
Faith let out a sigh as she settled herself down sleepily, closing her eyes against the sunlight outside, letting its warmth lull her into drowsiness.
“L.A.” she said, “To see an old friend.”
THE END |
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