Willow sat in the student dining area, mindlessly twirling a plastic spoon around a cold cup of herbal tea, her normally bright
eyes fixed on a spot far, far away. Her thoughts were anywhere but amidst the noisy clatter of excitable diners.
She let out a sigh, turning the spoon around the cup once more. Tara. That was all she could think about these days. Tara.
She pursed her lips and mentally kicked herself, hoping it wouldn't bruise. Tara, Tara, Tara. It was like a mantra whirling
around inside her body and mind. But mainly her body. Ever since that first kiss Willow had been sure of what she wanted.
Not just that, okay, but....it would be nice. She squirmed on her chair. Very nice. And it didn't help that every time she
saw Tara she was practically knocked sideways by the desire she felt.
Lust. Oh dear, Willow thought. Lust - the old faithful. Like she'd never felt it before. Like she didn't know what it was
all about. Yeah, right. But this time it was different, wasn't it?
Leaning back in her chair, she returned to the present, picking up her cup and sipping. She pulled a face as the cold liquid
hit her mouth and spat most of it back into the cup. Hastily she glanced around to see if anyone had noticed, wiping her mouth
with the back of her hand.
Tara.
Tara walked towards the counter, tripped, almost fell, righted herself, tripped again and finally swayed dangerously close
to the huge stack of trays in the corner. Another student caught her arm and asked if she was okay. Willow grinned as Tara
returned the enquiry with a crimson blush, hanging her head and mumbling as she often did when faced with conversation. She
grabbed a tray and moved along the line, looking like she didn't really want to be there. Looking like she didn't really want
to be anywhere where there were real live people.
Willow's gaze followed her, her heart swelling with tenderness as she watched Tara clumsily forage amongst the sandwiches.
There was something inherently vulnerable about Tara that made Willow love her, made her adore those puppy eyes and sensitive
insecurities. In a way, she reminded the redhead of her high school self. The shyness and awkward manner were so like the
old her.... The Willow of the past. The Tara of the present.
And yet, it was different too. There was so much more to Tara than met the eye. And no one saw that. It was special, Willow
smiled. It was theirs, alone. To love someone so completely that you change their life....just like Oz had changed hers.....her
eyes narrowed. Oz... And didn't that seem like a hundred years ago. Almost like it had never happened.
Somewhere inside, her heart still bore the scars of what he had done, the way she had felt. Healing nicely, sure, but still
a little tender.
Tara had by now reached the till, and pulled out her purse to pay. It was upside down, and not fastened quite tight enough.
Coins came jangling out and danced across the tiled floor. Willow held a hand to her mouth, half in horror and half to stop
herself from laughing out loud. For the shyest girl in the world, Tara really did draw attention to herself sometimes. Three
or four beefy Freshmen were scrambling eagerly around Tara's feet, all attempting to be the one to pick up most coins. Impress
the lady, Willow thought wryly. Like that's going to impress her when we were floating roses the other night...
Tara was frozen to the spot, her hand outstretched into a claw, the Freshmen being charming and likeable. Her hair was hiding
a face that Willow was sure would be burning red by now. Tara was stuttering and mumbling her thanks to the Freshmen who reluctantly
got the hint and left her to deal with the sour-faced woman behind the till on her own.
Dropping a jumble of coins into her hand, Tara grabbed her tray and moved for cover in the same fashion as a startled (albeit
a clumsy one) deer.
"Hey." Willow waited until Tara was almost at her side. The blonde witch started, almost dropping her tray of food. As her
gaze turned and recognized Willow, a beatific smile spread across her face, and she seemed slightly less nervous than before.
Her whole body seemed to light up as she slid into the chair across from Willow.
"Hey Willow." she answered, then frowned, "Were we...? I- I- mean... did we arrange to meet here...?"
"Not verbally....maybe mentally..." Willow grinned.
Tara returned the smile. And the connection was made. "Right. I guess it does feel like that sometimes."
"It feels like that most of the time." Willow added.
Tara blushed again, flicking her eyes downward to investigate the suddenly fascinating filling in her sandwich. She picked
at it thoughtfully, plucking up the nerve to say something. Sure, she and Willow were together, but she still found it hard
to be completely relaxed. If she didn't choose her words carefully, there was always the danger that all the feelings, thoughts,
and...yes, desires would fall out in a torrent that would drown Willow. Hold it, she stopped herself. That would drown any
woman. Any sane woman.
Willow reached across the table and pulled a corner of the sandwich off. She held it up to Tara's mouth. Tara looked at her
now, seeing the mischief in the other girl's eyes.
"Willow!" she said softly.
"Eat it." Willow said. "I want to feed you."
"What if people are watching?" Tara dared not even chance a look.
"So what if they are?" Willow seemed quite nonchalant, "If they've got nothing better to do...let 'em."
Tara obediently opened her mouth and Willow pushed the tiny corner of bread inside, her finger lingering over Tara's full
lips. Willow's eyes closed lazily, her eyelids fluttering down over eyes darkened by desire. She sighed. Tara's lips closed
over her fingertip for a second, and she felt the tip of a tongue flick the sensitive pad, before Tara grabbed her hand and
pushed it down onto the table.
Willow opened her eyes. "Big meanie."
"I- I- j-j-just th-th-thought...." Tara began, but gave up and squeezed Willow's hand instead.
"So...do you want to get together tonight?" Willow asked casually, though her heart was pounding. Just the mere thought of
being alone with Tara, no one to worry about but the two of them, had been driving her crazy all day. All week....images of
them danced through her mind.
Tara interlocked her fingers with Willows, happy to sit and look on the one she loved. Could life be any more perfect?
Bodies intertwined, lips caressing silken skin, fingertips exploring, limbs embracing...
Tara's eyes widened and she stared at Willow. "What was that?" she gasped. Mirroring herself in Willow's eyes, she had caught
that connection to her thoughts.
She had glimpsed the redhead’s daydreams. Erotic, sexual, tantalizing, sensual daydreams.
"I said, do you want to -"
"No, I m-mean....what were you thinking....I got a....sorta....a kind of flash." Tara waved her hand around to try and explain.
"Like pictures. Only real. I saw what you thought."
"Oh."
"Wow." Tara looked down at their joined hands. "Wow." she repeated.
"They weren't meant to be...." Willow started, but settled for "Sorry."
Tara grinned foolishly and shrugged. "I'm not."
The two girls giggled, almost embarrassed, sharing the intimate joke. But both felt the tug of passion building from deep
inside. Somehow the laughter seemed just a little bit hollow.
Willow leant across the table so that her face was inches from Tara's. The pressure on her hand increased slightly as the
electric touch coursed its way from witch to witch.
Tara exhaled heavily, almost closing her eyes. When Willow spoke, her voice was low, thick with longing, sensual like a caress.
They could have been the only two people in the place. No one else existed but these two. The background melted away.
"Can I come over tonight?" Willow whispered. "Please?"
Tara inhaled, taking with her the soft scent Willow seemed to carry with her like a comfort cloud. A smile spread her lips
as she gazed into the greenest eyes, brimming with love for her. Willow's touch on her hand burned like ice. She nodded, mute.
"Although," Willow released her grip and sat back in her chair. "I did notice a certain someone being scoped by those freshmen
earlier. I don't have anything to worry about now do I?" Her tone was teasing, but the mere idea of it sent Tara into a dizzy
whirl again.
"Uh...they were...helping me..." she began, then shook her head, pulling a face. "Freshmen. They're always so....you know...they're
just...." her shoulders began to hunch again at the memory, and a shocked looked passed through her eyes as she looked across
at the redhead, "Willow? You don't think...?" She shook her head again, "I'm not interested in them." the last word came out
with a punch of disdain.
Willow giggled. "I know. But you gotta admit, everytime anyone pays any attention to you, you turn into shrinking violet girl."
Tara drew herself up into a position that attempted 'offended', but failed miserably. She sank back down again into her usual
posture of 'violet' mode. "I'm not used to it." she said simply, almost sadly. "Besides, I like to shrink." she brushed a
strand of hair back behind her ear, "I'm a...uh...natural born shrinker."
"And it's very cute." Willow watched as the other girl squirmed beneath her compliment. She stood up, gathering her stuff
together. "I gotta go shower. See you about eight?"
Tara's eyes burned into her. The blonde head bobbed up and down enthusiastically.
"You are so beautiful." Willow touched Tara's face gently, just once.
Again with the squirming, Tara thought exasperatedly. One of these days she was going to just say 'thank you'.
As Willow left the room, the last thing she felt was Tara's gaze, still caressing her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tara had been sitting on her bed, knees together, hands clasped on her lap for 25 minutes...she glanced over at her bedside
clock...make that 26 minutes. She had bolted down the cheese sandwich, hardly noticing the usual tastelessness and rushed
home to make sure that everything was shipshape for tonight.
Shipshape? She grimaced at herself. Who used words like that anymore? And it wasn't as if Willow hadn't been here before.
She shook her head slowly. She couldn't get those images out of her head. Every time she thought about them she went all....tingly.
After a tidy round and a careful rearrangement of her crystals (to create an appropriate ambiance) Tara set to work on her
outfit. Difficult. Knowing what to wear, how to wear it, how to impress...it was all so junior high....but it mattered. Tonight
it mattered. She had eventually decided on her blue combats and a powder blue shirt. She had been saving it for a special
occasion, and could think of none that deserved the title 'special' more than tonight.
Ready at seven o'clock, she had positioned herself on the bed and practiced the greeting thing. After she had said 'Hi Willow'
a hundred different ways in a hundred different tones and styles, she flopped back on the bed in frustration. What was the
use of practicing when she was always speechless the first time she saw Willow. In her mind's eye she could see the pale skin,
titian hair and expressive eyes gazing at her. Those lips...always with a little smile playing around the edges..always reassuring
her....was it any wonder she couldn't manage a conversation without stuttering, blushing or not saying anything at all?
Thank Goddess Willow didn't seem to mind. In fact, she sat back up again, Willow didn't seem to mind anything about her. Willow
loved her. Most importantly, Willow knew her. Tara had let her in. She was so quiet and clumsy....but sometimes, having Willow
near her made her feel that she could do or say anything.
Except sex.
She blushed, clasping her hands together in her lap again. The thought of it...it wasn't as if she hadn't ever done anything
before. She just hadn't done it with someone she loved. And who loved her. All those furtive gropes with people who called
her a freak. All those hard kisses with the ones who only wanted to hurt her. She'd been waiting all her life for the flutter-in-the-stomach
moment, only to be handed the booby prize of the guilt-the-next-morning moment.
Sex had become an experience that she didn't actually enjoy very much. A wry smile crossed her lips. Like twice counted as
experience... So she had stopped doing it. With anyone.
Besides, a voice from her past echoed in her head, you don't want people to think you're cheap do you dear?
Shut up.
Isn't it bad enough that people think you're strange? the voice continued.
Tara frowned, trying to get rid of the mocking tone inside her head. So what? she spoke confidently, though not aloud. So
what if people do think I'm strange, she answered, Willow loves me.
Willow. The voice was stronger now, its tone harsh and demanding. And how long do you think she'll stay around once she sees
you as you really are?
But she does see me as I really am! Tara thought. The only person who ever has.
Apart from me dear, the voice reminded her with something like jealousy. She can't love you the way I do. She's trouble, believe
me...
Believe you? Tara pushed her knuckles against her forehead. I always believed you, even when you told me no-one else would
want me...I always believed you, even when you left me all alone in the dark.
You were a bad girl then Tara. You still are. Bad.
I am not! Tara closed her eyes, willing the voice away. I - am - not - a - bad - girl!
Laughter. Scornful laughter filling her mind. Whimpering, she pressed her hands against her head to block it out, but it was
inside, always inside. She rocked from side to side on the bed as the sound echoed, reverberated in her brain, pulsing its
way through every vessel until she could hardly breathe...
Then.
"Tara?"
Willow was standing in the doorway, a confused, worried, but most of all scared look on her face.
Tara looked across the room, her hands clamped onto the sides of her head. Through her tear-filled gaze, she could see the
figure rooted to the spot. She stretched out a hand, desperate to touch.
"Willow..." she moaned, "Help me..."
The redheaded witch kicked the door shut with her foot and rushed over to where Tara was now slumped against the bed in one
motion. Her arms slid easily around the girl and she held her close, rocking her gently, making soothing noises into her hair
as Tara sobbed against her.
After a few moments, it seemed that Tara was calmer. But Willow still held on tightly, as though for dear life itself.
"Sorry." Tara's voice was muffled against Willow's bright red jacket.
Willow sat back a little, to look lovingly into the red-rimmed eyes that were full of fear. "What the heck was that all about?"
she asked, "You really scared me."
"Scared....me...too..." Tara spoke with difficulty, her breathing uneven and still full of unshed tears. Willow's hand stroked
the side of Tara's face, her fingertips wet with tears. She huddled a little closer and, leaning, forward, kissed away the
remaining wetness from the other girl's eyes. A tiny sound of perfect longing escaped from Tara's throat.
"What's going on?" Willow murmured, "What's happening? Let me help you."
Tara placed her hands on Willow's upper arms and firmly pushed her away. Her face was set in an expression Willow didn't think
she had ever seen before. A determined, closed....dare she say it...harsh expression.
"Nothing."
"It didn't look like nothing to me -"
"It's nothing, okay!"
This was the first time Tara had ever raised her voice to Willow, and it slashed through her like a silver blade. She winced
visibly, her breath escaping in a loud whoosh from her lips.
Tara realized, too late, what she had done. Her eyes widening, she searched and searched for the words to tell Willow, to
try and explain, to give some sense of reality to the situation....but nothing.
Willow got to her feet. "Maybe I'd better go."
As she turned for the door, Tara reached up and grabbed her hand.
"No! Don't leave me!" the plaintive cry embraced Willow like a lover.
Turning, she was pulled in by the saddened eyes, and the down turned mouth, trembling ever so slightly with regret and shame.
She knelt down by Tara, putting her arms around her again, leaning into her hair, murmuring words of comfort and love.
"I could never leave you Tara." she whispered. "I love you."
"I love you too Willow." the voice was small and frightened. "I need you so much....I don't know what I'd do without you..."
Willow leaned back and cupped Tara's face in her hands. "You won't ever have to find out." she said firmly, "OK?"
Tara nodded mutely. As her eyes reached up to hold Willow's, she felt a glow rush through her. Trust her....she told herself,
trust her...it's okay to let yourself trust her...
Their heads moved at the same time, bending to meet in a perfect kiss. Willow closed her eyes, sighing into Tara's lips, her
fingers weaving through the blonde hair, pulling her closer...closer...
As Tara closed her eyes, she felt the euphoria start low in her body, rising upwards to claim her heart. It sent a pulsing
thrill through every vein, every pore, until she felt her body was singing with the joy of it. Her mouth opened to let Willow
in, as their tongues touched, rebounded, touched again and played with each other’s, Tara felt a moan escape her. It seemed
that the sound came from not just her throat, but her whole body.
Kneeling in front of each other, their kiss grew more passionate. Tara thrust her tongue deep into Willow's mouth, finding
the sweetness unbearable, intoxicating, addictive. Her hands pushed the jacket from Willow's shoulders, letting it fall. She
then traced the shape of the girl's shoulders, round to her neck, gently trailing her nails to the base, up and down....up
and down...
Willow felt breathless, the touch, the lightest touch was bringing her body to a peak of understanding. So this is what it's
like to be loved, she thought, as a kaleidoscope of colours flitted through her brain. This is what it's like to feel passion,
need, longing.... She broke the kiss, and stared into Tara's eyes, the emotion there mirrored her own.
"I've never..." she began, but Tara placed her fingers on her lips.
"Neither have I." her voice sounded so strong, so confident, the trueness shone out of her. "Not like this. Not with you."
Easing her down onto the floor, Tara brought her lips to meet the base of Willow's neck. She nibbled and sucked at the strawberry
skin there, hearing the other girl's breathing quicken and rise. A smile curved her lips as she gently smoothed her hand over
the mound of Willow's breast. She felt Willow touch her too, the inquisitive caress of a lover, almost tentative, always loving.
Moving her mouth down, Tara unbuttoned the blouse Willow was wearing, following her fingers with kisses. Clothes were shed
like guilty secrets, and the two were soon honestly naked, torn between gazing at the other and touching, kissing, exploring.
Willow's mouth moved down Tara's body, pausing to flick the tips of her nipples. Hearing the other girl groan, she lifted
her head and grinned. Tara grinned back. And the connection was made. Willow moved her head lower, down over her stomach,
down to the sweetness that waited there. Mine, she thought, all mine. She gazed back up along the length of Tara's body and
ran a finger lightly up and down the inside of her thighs. Tara moaned louder and thrust her hips upwards.
This was all so natural, Willow thought. All so easy, all so free.
She moved to lie alongside Tara, and the two gazed into each other's eyes before drinking deeply from the other's lips. Tara
slid her hand between Willow's legs and pushed gently at the warm, inviting softness.
Willow's mouth formed a perfect 'o' as her eyes widened and filled with pleasure. Tara smiled, quickening the pace, adding
another finger until the honey-sweet nectar was all she could feel. Their bodies began to move together, began to flow into
a unity that they both felt. Tara stroked harder, feeling Willow's hips buck against her own, one arm embracing her.
It seemed moments, or hours, or no time at all before Willow grabbed Tara's head and pulled it to her. As she screamed into
the other girl's mouth, her legs wrapped around Tara and gripped her even closer. It was as though Willow wanted Tara inside
her, completely, to swallow her whole, to envelop her.
"I love you!" she gasped, her whole body shaking with joy. Tears fell from the corners of her eyes. "Goddess I love you!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some time later, the two lay intertwined in bed, warmly basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking. Tara's head lay on Willow's
shoulder, her eyelids threatening to bring sleep. She forced them open, not wanting this moment to end. Skin on skin. Heartbeat
with heartbeat. A perfection of mind, body, soul.
"I love you Willow." Tara said in a small voice.
Willow sleepily brushed her hand up and down the girls shoulder. "Love you too Tara...." she yawned, "But love sleep more
now..." her eyes closed in submission. But the smile never left her face.
Tara sighed happily. Content. That was the word. Content. She closed her eyes and prepared for sleep with the one being who
was her whole world.
Just before sleep took her, she heard something. Somewhere deep at the back of her mind. Not loud enough to wake her, but
not quiet enough to be ignored.
It won't last, the voice reminded her. I'll see to that.
The End
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