Chester's Jokes

 
 

Doctor Doctor I think I'm losing my memory.
When did this happen Chester ?
When did what happen ?

Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a slice of bread.
You've got to stop loafing about Chester.

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework ?
Chester: No Miss he did it all by himself.

Teacher: You're late ! You should have been here at nine o'clock.
Chester: Why Miss what happened ?

Chester says:

Q. Why do gorillas have big nostrils ?
A. Because they have big fingers

Q. Where do sheep get their wool cut ?
A. At the baa-baa shop.

Q. Where did the fat whale go ?
A. The whale-weigh station.

Q. What do cows read ?
A. Moospapers.

Q. What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head ?
A. Sistermatic

Q. Why was Cinderella kicked out of the football team ?
A. Because she was always running away from the ball.

Teacher: What is the coldest place in the world ?
Chester: Chile

Thing: I have 5 legs, 3 black eyes and horns, what am I ?
Chester: Ugly

Chester says:

Q. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back ?
A. A stick

Q. Where do cows go to have fun ?
A. The moo-vies.

Q. What's black and white and red all over ?
A. A sunburnt penguin.

Q. What's black and white and red all over ?
A. A newspaper.

Q. What bird keeps running out of breath ?
A. A Puffin

Q. How do you stop a baby alien from crying ?
A. Rocket.

Q. Why do chickens watch TV ?
A. For hentertainment.

Q. Why did the picture go to jail ?
A. Because he was framed.

Teacher: Chester didn't you hear me call you ?
Chester: Yes Miss but you told us yesterday not to answer back.

Teacher: I wish you'd pay a little attention.
Chester: I'm paying as little as possible.

Teacher: What travels faster -  heat or cold ?
Chester: Heat - You can catch a cold.

Why was Chester mad when he got his coat back from the dry cleaners ?
Because it was spotless.

Why did Chester want to be a private eye ?
Because he liked tailing people.

Chester says:

Q. Why did the tomato blush ?
A. Because it saw the salad dressing.

Q. What is the smelliest sport ?
A. Ping Pong.

Q. What do you call a man with a spade on his head ?
A. Doug.

Q. What pie can fly ?
A. A magpie.

Q. Where do Eskimo pigs live ?
A. In a Pigloo.

Doctor Doctor I think I'm a video
Yes Chester I thought I'd seen you before.

Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a yo yo.
Well, how are you feeling Chester ?
Oh, up and down.

Why wouldn't anyone play cards with Chester ?
Because he's a big Cheetah.

Doctor Doctor I keep thinking there's two of me.
One at a time please Chester.

Teacher: Can you name the four seasons ?
Chester: salt, pepper, mustard, vinegar.

Teacher: What are you going to be when you leave school ?
Chester: Happy.
 
 

Thanks to Walkers Cheetos
for the jokes