Believe it or not, Father's day is much more than a commercial opportunity for card manufacturers, distributors and retailers. It is a time to draw attention to the very positive role that fathers play in nurturing children. Of course it is not the only day that we would wish to support the role of the father or indeed the only day for each of us to show appreciation for our own fathers or receive appreciation from offspring where that is appropriate. But it serves as a reminder, an anniversary, an annual opportunity to reflect on the role of fathers and to show our appreciation of them.
For some, of course, it is a less positive time. It may be that our father was the source of more pain than pleasure for any number of reasons and the day is one - more to work at forgiveness and where possible reconciliation - than celebration, or a further time to remember a father who has died, or to seek God's purpose should you need - where parenthood is not something that he has granted you. As we come to prayer at the end of this service there will be a further opportunity for us to bring all these issues quietly before God, who knows and who cares.
And where we do reflect on and celebrate fathers, it is often within the context of a family life that was or is stable and nurturing. The most stable and nurturing family environment for the raising of children is that of a married husband and wife. This is not just a statement of Goddess plan for humankind, it is a statistical fact:
For instance: Delinquency is twice as high amongst young people who experience their parents’ divorce while they were under 5 years old. Girls who grow up to marry are more likely to divorce if their parents’ marriage ended while they were less than 5 years old. Children whose parents divorce during school years are more likely to be lower educational attainers and men at age 18 are more likely to be unemployed. It is not true to say that it doesn't have any long term affect on children if their parents split up. It does. As Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks said: We cannot overestimate the effect on this society and the society our children will inherit.
But, some object, surely it is better for the children if unhappy parents separate rather than continue in an unhappy marriage. In most cases disaster could be easily averted by proper marriage preparation and the keeping of the promises made on the wedding day. Most marriages still end because of adultery, not because of abuse or some other such serious issue. Most marriages end because at least one partner has decided to play around outside the marriage. Where each partner comes to regard marriage as primarily a quest for his or her self-fulfilment, rather than as an adventure in reciprocal self-giving, through which parents and children grow into maturity, the outcome is bound to be bleak. Yet it is so often this self-centred attitude to marriage which is being canvassed by so many today. This is a misunderstanding of what marriage actually is and what is required to make it lasting and successful But what of couples who don't marry but cohabit? Cohabitation is at least to some degree a protest against the marriage conventions, hypocrisies and failures of their parents generation, they have no desire to repeat their mistakes. And with marriage failure rates somewhere between 37 & 50 %, it is no wonder people have been looking at alternatives ways of being together in relationship. Many protest that a piece of paper (the marriage certificate) does not make a marriage it is the commitment to one another that does that and so cohabitation can be seen as marriage without the paper.
However two essential elements are often missing in that. The first and most important is the promise of a lifetime commitment. Most and therefore too much cohabitation is an open ended arrangement, a type of trial marriage in which the permanent commitment has been replaced by a temporary experiment. This cannot be called marriage especially as its provisional nature destabilises the relationship. The reality is that one third of cohabiting couples separate in less than a year and only a miserly 16% stay with their partners for more than 5 years. Moreover the claim that a trial period of living together will make a later marriage more stable is a lie. Couples who cohabit and then marry are 50% more likely to divorce within 5 years. No relationship may be called marriage unless it includes the intention to be faithful to one another for life. What God has joined together, Jesus said, let nobody separate. (Matthew 19:6)
