Learn to be Asian!
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Learn to be Asian

March 14, 2003 - How to Not Write the Articles You're Supposed to Write
September 5, 2002 - Mah-Jong
April 10, 2002 - How to Deal with Jewish Mothers, or: How to Exceed the Speed of Light (author: Brandon Kreines)
December 7, 2001 - Desis for Dummies (author: Rohan Mathew)
November 30, 2001 - Restaurants

GLOSSARY

Do you think I'm rich or something!? - All Asians, Indians, Jews, etc. / i.e. "What? You want THAT much? Do you think ~" or "I think X-Box is a piece of ... I mean ... What? $300?? What, do you think ~"
Ai-yo! - Taiwanese, Chinese, others / See: "Oye vey!"
Good deal - Free.
Smart child - Superintelligent extraterrestrial 4000 years ahead of our technology.
Smarter child - Annoying AIM computer.
Perfect child - Still not good enough!
On time - i.e. "I'm not late. I'm on time. You said 5 o'clock and it's only 9:10."
IST - Acronym / Indian Standard Time - i.e. "But I'm on time according to IST."
AZN - Abbreviation / Asian (if you didn't figure that one out ...)
Mah-jong - East Asian equivalent of poker, but much noisier.
First generation Asian - Perfect being, free of flaws. Parents have been known to say things like, "I'm always right" and "YOUR spy plane hit OUR fighter plane, not the other way around."
Second-gen Asian - All the good things that come naturally with being Asian, plus all the bad things that come with being American.
Thoroughly cooked fish - i.e. "Let's eat this thoroughly cooked fish! Hold on a moment while I reel it in."
Undercooked fish - Oxymoron.
Good car - Toyota.
Bad car - Ford.
Engrish - Language of choice. Like "Spanglish" but better. See: Engrish.com
Oy - Yiddish thing, typically paired with "Vey" or perhaps "Vay"
Oy - Japanese thing, typically paired with some keen observation (or annoying complaint)
JM - Jewish Mother -or- Japanese Manga
"No, you can't do that." - Jewish Mother slang for "No, you can't do that, now go mow the lawn."
Manga - Japanese comics
Animé - French word, American context, Japanese cartoons (MOVING Japanese comics)
"I am not ten years old!" - Phrase frequently uttered by 15-year-old Asians in crowded places
"Yeah." - Typical Asian parent response to either/or questions.
Respirator - Breathalyzer
"Stop eating that, you'll get fat" - "Stop eating that, I want to get fat."
"Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto" - No real Asian has ever said this as anything other than a joke.
Haggling - What happens when someone refuses to sell to an Asian for half of wholesale.

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