| The Stuck Needle |
A bit of nonsense based on nothing in particular. It didn’t have to be based on a vicar; it could have been
the gas man or a Channel 5 video re-tuner. I’ve nothing against vicars; I just thought it would be funnier with one.
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| Jerusalem Artichokes |
A song we wrote together when on holiday in Ireland, not that this is relevant. We eat a lot of Jerusalem
Artichokes when they’re in season so watch out!
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| The Everest Toilet Song |
They really are building a toilet on Everest! Apparently Everest is becoming the world's largest dung-hill
so they had to do something!
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| Don’t Touch That! |
We are passionate about wild mushrooms and think they are magic. Health Warning! Don’t eat any wild mushrooms
unless you know for certain what they are. No responsibility will be accepted ...etc. Sorry, we haven't been
able to include the mushroom pictures - see us doing it live one day!
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| The Suer |
A song written after a series of silly court cases in America. I used to say it couldn’t happen in Britain
but it’s starting to! At least two actual cases are mentioned in the song; they are hard to spot as they’re
as ridiculous as the others.
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| The Memorabilia Sales |
A song triggered by sale of a famous pop star’s artefacts and the subsequent exposure of some of these as
fakes. Many a true word is spoken in jest!
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| Lucky |
After a Christmas party at a folk club where singer after singer sang miserable country songs about car crashes
and unjustified hangings (yes, it was a jolly party wasn’t it!) I thought, “I could do that”, so I wrote this song.
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| Marital Hiccups |
Kath wrote this about me. Every word is true I’m sorry to say. Violent hiccup attacks are very painful so don’t
laugh. (Well, not much anyway)
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| The Ballad of Eric and Eliza |
Based on a true story which was in the papers in 1996. The couple in question had been married a few years
before the truth came out.
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| Willie the Stinkhorn |
Back to mushrooms again. We thought this one deserved a song to itself. We once took a Stinkhorn along to a
folk club - you can smell it to this day.
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| Global Cooling |
With all the talk of global warming and the like, this is about the chap who saw the ice-age coming and no-one
believed him. Yes, I know it’s full of inaccuracies; it’s supposed to be and it's called licence!
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| Unanswered Questions |
Just a song to make you think and to get a few personal gripes off my chest.
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| The Dog |
Ever had a bad day when you think things can't get any worse? This is one of our most requested songs, which gets
funnier the more times you hear it.
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| Freddie the Dolphin |
A story that really did happen. Freddie lived in Amble harbour-mouth, the town became dolphin-mad and a man
was prosecuted (and acquitted) for indecency with the creature. By the way, I know a dolphin isn’t a fish;
writer’s licence again. Not much rhymes with mammal, except camel and I couldn’t find a way to write one in.
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