Hudson Announces Retirement

Martin Hudson has finally brought the curtain down on his barren career at Real Gate, ending weeks of speculation.  Hudson was denied his swansong on his last appearance for the club, which only reinforced his decision to leave the club he supported as a man.  Hudson’s retirement has been a badly kept secret since the speculation started over a month ago.  Several players were told in confidence that Hudson had had enough of the game and would retire at the beginning of September.  Hudson was supposed to quit on September 1^st, against Boilermakers, but was forced off early due to a head injury.  Hudson decided to play against Orange House so he could say goodbye to the Gate faithful, but it was not to be as he was left on the bench.   

In regards to the game Hudson says, “I was bitterly disappointed not to be in the starting XI because I had something amazing planned.  I knew it would be touch and go whether or not I’d be in the side because my form has been abysmal, but I was hoping I would be selected through the points system.  I was just unlucky to get dropped on my last appearance really, but that’s fate for you.”  

Hudson had planned to pull a stunt in the game, saying “I had something planned that would have cemented my place in history on the pub football scene forever.  I had been consulting a friend over it for days leading up to the game.  We had cleared all obstacles and I had it ready, but couldn’t get on to the pitch.” 

Hudson also explains his reasons for taking his kit off and changing in to his clothes before the final whistle, “I needed at least 10 minutes and was itching to get on, when I heard the 80s mainstream comic referee say there was 4 minutes left, I knew it was all over and through frustration more than anything else, just took my kit off.  Jason went ballistic at me but I allowed the other subs a chance to go on for two minutes.”

Hudson plans to become a spectator and hopes to remain in the Gate fraternity.  “I don’t really want to leave the crew, I enjoy the camaraderie.  Ok so I feel a bit intimidated these days inside the club, but you don’t stop supporting Real Gate overnight.”

Hudson’s statement read:

Dear fans, after little consideration, I have decided to retire from the Pub football scene.  I have become tired of stating my abomination for the once beautiful game and have now acted on my words.  I joined the Grove back in the summer of 2002 with great intent.  However, my demise in form has been clear for all to see and my performances for the Gate have been nothing short of demeaning.  It’s simply become a struggle to play in matches; I don’t gain enjoyment from it anymore.  I won’t be sorely missed; indeed I think it will come as a relief to most apart from those on the sideline who will have to suffer my anti-Pele rants.  It’s been a dismal 26 months playing for Grove United and Real Gate and I think now’s the right time for me to quit, as I have no space left on my forearms to slash.  I hope Gate fans and players can understand my decision to leave and will welcome me back at Parr Stocks as an avid supporter.  I’d like to thank everyone at the club from the management - who I will be condemning – that’s for the future, to the ball boys who I never saw, which is remarkable considering the clubs budget.  I’d also like to say “Fack Off” to a few people, but have been told to keep this clean.  Who knows, one day I might return to play for the club again?  I can’t pretend it’s going to be easy viewing from the sidelines, it never is watching professional drunks play sport, but maybe I will get back the urge to play.  Finally I would like to request that the number 11 shirt also be retired from the Gate line-up in my honour; that would mean a lot to me.

“I only came out for a paper”