Title: Radiation
Author: Lea
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS not even a ikkle tinsy bit. I don't own the song Radiation (which means I don't own the title *sigh*), the wonderful, fabulous Feeder do, for those that have never heard of Feeder (probably most of you) that is Grant, Jon and Taka, the song is taken from their first album Polythene.
Spoilers: erm season 4
Summary: Spike's thoughts after he has the chip implanted, before he turns to the Scoobys for help.
Feedback: YES PLEASE I NEEEEED IT!!!!!!!! lea.yates@ntlworld.com
Notes: I think this song is perfect for Spike and the idea's been brewing for awhile, I couldn't contain it any longer
Pull back my skin
Look deep within
Transparent grins
The more you kill me
Just see how it is
Just see how it really is
Spike couldn't believe it! He was the big bad and now he couldn't kill a damn thing. How could he have been so careless as to get caught? He was over 100 and had killed 2 slayers, why hadn't he noticed anything about the sudden appearance of army guys?
God he was so hungry, the craving for fresh blood and the kill was worse than his craving for a fag.
He remembered when he woke up in that glass room, he felt like a bloody lab rat, hell he was one! He could see them all in white coats with clip boards noting down his progress. He'd never felt so naked in his life, even when he was naked!
There's radiation in my head
Can't you see I'm going mad
See the colour of my skin
Turning blue as I breathe in
There's radiation in my head
They'd tried to feed him contaminated blood, well he'd shown them, he'd got away, the big bad was still bad although it hurt more now. He'd only pushed a few white coats out of the way and the pain in his head had been horrendous. It was throbbing now, of course that little fiasco with Harmony hadn't helped. She'd taken a stake to their bed for Christ's sake! The least she could have done was got him something to eat. He wanted to block out what happened after that.
He looked with longing through a window at the pack of vampires feeding off some dumb human, some warm blooded, heart beating human. He licked his lips at the thought. What was he going to do? He needed to eat and killing wasn't an option anymore, he didn't want to be like his poof of a sire and go to the butchers shop (plus he was kinda broke, he'd never needed money before. Biting had been fine payment)
How could they have done this to him? Slowly Spike reached out and touched his tender head wincing at the pain
Suffer for life
My soul divides
I'm reaching high
But no one sees me
Just see how it is
Just see how it really is
The thought of eternity trapped like this made Spike want to top himself there and then. All his so called allies had turned their backs on him. Why hadn't he staked them when he had the chance?
The human was dead now and drained of blood, while the vampires had full blood bellies. They'd left nothing for him, not a drop. He was rapidly changing his mind about the butchers shop.
There's radiation in my head
Can't you see I'm going mad
See the colour of my skin
Turning blue as I breathe in
There's radiation in my head
His complexion was getting pasty and the veins stood out against the paleness of his skin even more than usual. Life was a god damn bitch! It was that bloody slayer. Ever since she was called he'd had nothing but bad luck. She had to be involved somehow, she was always involved. She was the thorn in his side, the irritating itch that wouldn't go away.
Spike's whole body practically throbbed, crying out for blood. He could sense humans a mile away, hear their beating hearts. He groaned and closed his eyes, somehow trying to will out the chip in his head.
Get it out
Get it out
Get it out
The willing didn't work, angrily Spike stood up and smashed his fist into the rotting wood of the window pane, he was lucky the vamps had gone, they wouldn't have been pleased with him watching. His fist was bleeding and he welcomed the pain. He licked the blood from his hand but it didn't quench his thirst.
Trapped in my shell
My fingers melt
All by myself
All by myself
Just see how it is
Just see how it really is
He couldn't go on like this, but he couldn't do what he was thinking of could he? Ask the slayer for help? No of course not. He would not do that. He'd rather be alone than do that.
He was a prisoner, not by the initiative but by his own body because of what they'd done to him. He'd tried to bite Red and he couldn't, how humiliating had that been. No he couldn't go to the slayer. Could he?
There's radiation in my head
Can't you see I'm going mad
See the colour of my skin
Turning blue as I breathe in
There's radiation in my head
Damnit! He didn't have a choice it was that or starve and as much as neither appealed to him, he didn't want to starve. He tried to reason with himself. If he helped her then she could defeat the initiative and make them take out the chip in his head. (He didn't think that they would prefer him like he was now.)
Radiation
Radiation
His stomach rumbled and that made up his mind for him.
You hear me breathe a little more
And see me walk into the storm
The more you give yourself away
The more it burns and breaks away
Spike didn't want to do this, he just hoped they wouldn't stake him at first glance. He lifted his leather duster to cover his head, he didn't want to fry, that would kind of defeat the whole purpose. Well here goes nothing he thought as he ran to Giles' apartment.
the end