NEIL SHICOFF AS HOFFMANN

I have trouble with my own talent and that's why I've always felt close to Hoffmann emotionally. It's a part that's tailor-made for my psyche. It's one reason that it shines above all the other roles I do. When I do this part, it's a perfect, total experience for me in every way. Hoffmann is unable to cope with what he has to offer. He can't live with it. That's at the center of the creativity of that part. You live out what you think great artists and writers are like, and that's what Hoffmann's about. He can't cope with creating and that's the emphasis of the part for me. He's a very self-destructive man. I love him. I love the man. He can't find his own sexuality or his grounding.

It's not just the character, but the music also touches me. I don't think it's the greatest music ever written for sure, but it is an all-around great piece - it's total, wonderful theater. Once again, I don't think it's great music, but it's so right for the piece and it really gets to me. It's more than just the notes that make it hard. It's the emotions. At the end of the night, I'm completely wrecked, wiped out.

When I sing other roles like Don Carlos, I sing more technically than I do in Hoffmann. It's a varied part, and dirty, in the sense that the guy always has his fingernails on the floor. He's out there all night trying to dig up some guts. I don't see it as anything else. I take the character as I find him in each scene and I never think of him as being horrible. He's just always satisfying. During the evening, there's a complete metamorphosis of a personality. It can be like his turning into a butterfly if it's directed like that.

Hoffmann is a part that I am. I don't do anything. I just am. From the moment I walk onstage, I start digging into my guts and dealing with what I'm feeling in my life and what I think Hoffmann is feeling, and then I become him. It's totally reacting. Sometimes I get too nervous or there's something in my personal life that doesn't let me concentrate fully on what I'm doing. I'm an extraordinarily emotional person and that comes totally from my environment, from the moment - absolutely. And that's why this part, which is a very emotional one for me, is so important. I'm at an interesting time in my career. I think I'm now one of the leading tenors and it's up to me where I go from here. It has to do with how comfortable you are with your talent and your productivity. When people who know me see me in Hoffmann, they know it's me. He is me. It's just like going into therapy for me to do this part onstage. I'm a person who works well out of adversity and that's one reason this role suits me. I work much better when people are saying, "I don't like you." Then I work much harder to make them change their minds. I do produce better under those circumstances, if I have a network of people around to support me. I do what I do. I'm very together on that one. I'm not going to be anything other than what I am. I've been criticized right and left by critics on this part but....If it ain't broke, don't fix it. But I do play him much deeper now, much more destructive. I just thought, "I don't want to do a lot of Hoffmanns for a while. I'm Hoffmanned out." And having said that, I suddenly thought, "I miss it already. I want to do more and more and more." I wish that all my roles were like that. Unfortunately, they're not.

I wish there were more of these kinds of roles but I'll take the one that I have for now. If I had to sing Alfredo in Traviata for the rest of my life, I wouldn't do this. I don't think I could do it. I'd quit. I do it so I can find something and create, not just for the money. I always say to coaches, "Isn't there another Hoffmann we can find, another role that would be just right for me?" and they sometimes say, "Pique Dame," but that's a little heavy for me. We'll have to wait for that one. All these neurotic, crazy parts!

- Neil Shicoff (excerpted from I Remember Too Much)

Copyright © 1999-2002 by Karen Mercedes. All rights reserved.