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"What is the matter with you, Laura,
this morning? I have been watching you this hour, and in
that time you have commenced a half dozen letters and
torn them all up. What matter of such grave moment is
puzzling your dear little head, that you do not know how
to decide?"
"Well, it is an important matter: I
have two offers for marriage, and I do not know which to
choose."
"I should accept neither, or to say
the least, not at present."
"Why not?"
"Because I think a woman who is
undecided between two offers, has not love enough for
either to make a choice; and in that very hesitation,
indecision, she has a reason to pause and seriously
reflect, lest her marriage, instead of being an affinity
of souls or a union of hearts, should only be a mere
matter of bargain and sale, or an affair of convenience
and selfish interest."
"But I consider them both very good
offers, just such as many a girl would gladly receive.
But to tell you the truth, I do not think that I regard
either as a woman should the man she chooses for her
husband. But then if I refuse, there is the risk of being
an old maid, and that is not to be thought of."
"Well, suppose there is, is that the
most dreadful fate that can befall a woman? Is there not
more intense wretchedness in an ill-assorted
marriage--more utter loneliness in a loveless home, than
in the lot of the old maid who accepts her earthly
mission as a gift from God, and strives to walk the path
of life with earnest and unfaltering steps?"
"Oh! what a little preacher you are.
I really believe that you were cut out for an old maid;
that when nature formed you, she put in a double portion
of intellect to make up for a deficiency of love; and yet
you are kind and affectionate. But I do not think that
you know anything of the grand, over-mastering passion,
or the deep necessity of woman's heart for loving."
"Do you think so?" resumed the
first speaker; and bending over her work she quietly
applied herself to the knitting that had lain neglected
by her side, during this brief conversation; but as she
did so, a shadow flitted over her pale and intellectual
brow, a mist gathered in her eyes, and a slight quivering
of the lips, revealed a depth of feeling to which her
companion was a stranger.
But before I proceed with my story, let
me give you a slight history of the speakers. They were
cousins, who had met life under different auspices. Laura
Lagrange, was the only daughter of rich and indulgent
parents, who had spared no pains to make her an
accomplished lady. Her cousin, Janette Alston, was the
child of parents, rich only in goodness and affection.
Her father had been unfortunate in business, and dying
before he could retrieve his fortunes, left his business
in an embarrassed state. His widow was unacquainted with
his business affairs, and when the estate was settled,
hungry creditors had brought their claims and the lawyers
had received their fees, she found herself homeless and
almost penniless, and she who had been sheltered in the
warm clasp of loving arms, found them too powerless to
shield her from the pitiless pelting storms of adversity.
Year after year she struggled with poverty and wrestled
with want, till her toil-worn hands became too feeble to
hold the shattered chords of existence, and her
tear-dimmed eyes grew heavy with the slumber of death.
Her daughter had watched over her with untiring devotion,
had closed her eyes in death, and gone out into the busy,
restless world, missing a precious tone from the voices
of earth, a beloved step from the paths of life. Too self
reliant to depend on the charity of relations, she
endeavored to support herself by her own exertions, and
she had succeeded.. Her path for a while was marked with
struggle and trial, but instead of uselessly repining,
she met them bravely, and her life became not a thing of
ease and indulgence, but of conquest, victory, and
accomplishments. At the time when this conversation took
place, the deep trials of her life had passed away. The
achievements of her genius had won her a position in the
literary world, where she shone as one of it bright
particular stars. And with her fame came a competence of
worldly means, which gave her leisure for improvement,
and the riper development of her rare talents. And she,
that pale intellectual woman, whose genius gave life and
vivacity to the social circle, and whose presence threw a
halo of beauty and grace around the charmed atmosphere in
which she moved, had at one period of her life, known the
mystic and solemn strength of an all-absorbing love.
Years faded into the misty past, had seen the kindling of
her eye, the quick flushing of her cheek, and the wild
throbbing of her heart, at tones of a voice long since
hushed to the stillness of death. Deeply, wildly,
passionately, she had loved. Her whole life seemed like
the pouring out of rich, warm and gushing affections.
This love quickened her talents, inspired her genius, and
threw over her life a tender and spiritual earnestness.
And then came a fearful shock, a mournful waking from
that "dream of beauty and delight." A shadow
fell around her path; it came between her and the object
of her heart's worship; first a few cold words,
estrangement, and then a painful separation; the old
story of woman's pride--digging the sepulchre of her
happiness, and then a new-made grave, and her path over
it to the spirit world; and thus faded out from that
young heart her bright, brief and saddened dream of life.
Faint and spirit-broken, she turned from the scenes
associated with the memory of the loved and lost. She
tried to break the chain of sad associations that bound
her to the mournful past; and so, pressing back the
bitter sobs from her almost breaking heart, like the
dying dolphin, whose beauty is born of its death anguish,
her genius gathered strength from suffering and wondrous
power and brilliancy from the agony she hid within the
desolate chambers of her soul. Men hailed her as one of
earth's strangely gifted children, and wreathed the
garlands of fame for her brow, when it was throbbing with
a wild and fearful unrest. They breathed her name with
applause, when through the lonely halls of her stricken
spirit, was an earnest cry for peace, a deep yearning for
sympathy and heart-support.
But life, with its stern realities, met
her; its solemn responsibilities confronted her, and
turning, with an earnest and shattered spirit, to life's
duties and trials, she found a calmness and strength that
she had only imagined in her dreams of poetry and song.
We will now pass over a period of ten years, and the
cousins have met again. In that calm and lovely woman, in
whose eyes is a depth of tenderness, tempering the
flashes of her genius, whose looks and tones are full of
sympathy and love, we recognize the once smitten and
stricken Janette Alston. The bloom of her girlhood had
given way to a higher type of spiritual beauty, as if
some unseen hand had been polishing and refining the
temple in which her lovely spirit found its habitation;
and this had been the fact. Her inner life had grown
beautiful, and it was this that was constantly developing
the outer. Never, in the early flush of womanhood, when
an absorbing love had lit up her eyes and glowed in her
life, had she appeared so interesting as when, with a
countenance which seemed overshadowed with a spiritual
light, she bent over the death-bed of a young woman, just
lingering at the shadowy gates of the unseen land.
"Has he come?" faintly but
eagerly exclaimed the dying woman. "Oh how I have
longed for his coming, and even in death he forgets
me."
"Oh, do not say so, dear Laura, some
accident may have detained him," said Janette to her
cousin; for on that bed, from whence she will never rise,
lies the once-beautiful and light-hearted Laura Lagrange,
the brightness of whose eyes has long since been dimmed
with tears, and whose voice had become like a harp whose
every chord is turned to sadness--whose faintest thrill
and loudest vibrations are but the variations of agony. A
heavy hand was laid upon her once warm and bounding
heart, and a voice came whispering through her soul, that
she must die. But, to her, the tidings was a message of
deliverance--a voice, hushing her wild sorrows to the
calmness of resignation and hope. Life had grown so weary
upon her head--the future looked so hopeless--she had no
wish to tread again the track where thorns had pierced
her feet, and clouds overcast her sky; and she hailed the
coming of death's angel as the footsteps of a welcome
friend. And yet, earth had one object so very dear to her
weary heart. It was her absent and recreant husband; for,
since that conversation, she had accepted one of her
offers, and become a wife. But, before she married, she
learned that great lesson of human experience and woman's
life, to love the man who bowed at her shrine, a willing
worshipper. He had a pleasing address, raven hair,
flashing eyes, a voice of thrilling sweetness, and lips
of persuasive eloquence; and being well versed in the
ways of the world, he won his way to her heart, and she
became his bride, and he was proud of his prize. Vain and
superficial in his character, he looked upon marriage not
as a divine sacrament for the soul's development and
human progression, but as the title-deed that gave him
possession of the woman he thought he loved. But alas for
her, the laxity of his principles had rendered him
unworthy of the deep and undying devotion of a
pure-hearted woman; but, for awhile, he hid from her his
true character, and she blindly loved him, and for a
short period was happy in the consciousness of being
beloved; though sometimes a vague unrest would fill her
soul, when, overflowing with a sense of the good, the
beautiful, and the true, she would turn to him, but find
no response to the deep yearnings of her soul--no
appreciation of life's highest realities--its solemn
grandeur and significant importance. Their souls never
met, and soon she found a void in her bosom, that his
earth-born love could not fill. He did not satisfy the
wants of her mental and moral nature--between him and her
there was no affinity of minds, no inter-communion of
souls.
Talk as you will of woman's deep capacity
for loving, of the strength of her affectional nature. I
do not deny it; but will the mere possession of any human
love, fully satisfy all the demands of her whole being?
You may paint her in poetry or fiction, as a frail vine,
clinging to her brother man for support, and dying when
deprived of it; and all this may sound well enough to
please the imaginations of school-girls, or love-lorn
maidens. But woman--the true woman--if you would render
her happy, it needs more than the mere development of her
affectional nature. Her conscience should be enlightened,
her faith in the true and right established, scope given
to her Heaven-endowed and God-given faculties. The true
aim of female education should be not a development of
one or two, but all the faculties of the human soul,
because no perfect womanhood is developed by imperfect
culture. Intense love is often akin to intense suffering,
and to trust the whole wealth of a woman's nature on the
frail bark of human love, may often be like trusting a
cargo of gold and precious gems, to a bark that has never
battled with the storm, or buffeted the waves. Is it any
wonder, then, that so many life-barks go down, paving the
ocean of time with precious hearts and wasted hopes? that
so many float around us, shattered and dismasted wrecks?
that so many are stranded on the shoals of existence,
mournful beacons and solemn warnings for the thoughtless,
to whom marriage is a careless and hasty rushing together
of the affections? Alas that an institution so fraught
with good for humanity should be so perverted, and that
state of life, which should be filled with happiness,
become so replete with misery. And this was the fate of
Laura Lagrange. For a brief period after her marriage her
life seemed like a bright and beautiful dream, full of
hope and radiant with joy. And then there came a
change--he found other attractions that lay beyond the
pale of home influences. The gambling saloon had power to
win him from her side, he had lived in an element of
unhealthy and unhallowed excitements, and the society of
a loving wife, the pleasures of a well-regulated home,
were enjoyments too tame for one who had vitiated his
tastes by the pleasures of sin. There were charmed houses
of vice, built upon dead men's loves, where, amid the
flow of song, laughter, wine, and careless mirth, he
would spend hour after hour, forgetting the cheek that
was paling through his neglect, heedless of the
tear-dimmed eyes, peering anxiously into the darkness,
waiting, or watching his return.
The influence of old associations was
upon him. In early life, home had been to him a place of
ceilings and walls, not a true home, built upon goodness,
love and truth. It was a place where velvet carpets
hushed its tread, where images of loveliness and beauty
invoked into being by painter's art and sculptor's skill,
pleased the eye and gratified the taste, where
magnificence surrounded his way and costly clothing
adorned his person; but it was not the place for the true
culture and right development of his soul. His father had
been too much engrossed in making money, and his mother
in spending it, in striving to maintain a fashionable
position in society, and shining in the eyes of the
world, to give the proper direction to the character of
their wayward and impulsive son. His mother put beautiful
robes upon his body, but left ugly scars upon his soul;
she pampered his appetite, but starved his spirit. Every
mother should be a true artist, who knows how to weave
into her child's life images of grace and beauty, the
true poet capable of writing on the soul of childhood the
harmony of love and truth, and teaching it how to produce
the grandest of all poems--the poetry of a true and noble
life. But in his home, a love for the good, the true and
right, had been sacrificed at the shrine of frivolity and
fashion. That parental authority which should have been
preserved as a string of precious pearls, unbroken and
unscattered, was simply the administration of chance. At
one time obedience was enforced by authority, at another
time by flattery and promises, and just as often it was
not enforced at all. His early associations were formed
as chance directed, and from his want of home-training,
his character received a bias, his life a shade, which
ran through every avenue of his existence, and darkened
all his future hours. Oh, if we would trace the history
of all the crimes that have o'ershadowed this
sin-shrouded and sorrow-darkened world of ours, how many
might be seen arising from the wrong home influences, or
the weakening of the home ties. Home should always be the
best school for the affections, the birthplace of high
resolves, and the altar upon which lofty aspirations are
kindled, from whence the soul may go forth strengthened,
to act its part aright in the great drama of life with
conscience enlightened, affections cultivated, and reason
and judgment dominant. But alas for the young wife. Her
husband had not been blessed with such a home. When he
entered the arena of life, the voices from home did not
linger around his path as angels of guidance about his
steps; they were not like so many messages to invite him
to deeds of high and holy worth. The memory of no sainted
mother arose between him and deeds of darkness; the
earnest prayers of no father arrested him in his downward
course: and before a year of his married life had waned,
his young wife had learned to wait and mourn his frequent
and uncalled-for absence. More than once had she seen him
come home from his midnight haunts, the bright
intelligence of his eye displaced by the drunkard's
stare, and his manly gait changed to the inebriate's
stagger; and she was beginning to know the bitter agony
that is compressed in the mournful words, a drunkard's
wife. And then there came a bright but brief episode in
her experience; the angel of life gave to her existence a
deeper meaning and loftier significance; she sheltered in
the warm clasp of her loving arms, a dear babe, a
precious child, whose love filled every chamber of
her heart, and felt the fount of maternal love gushing so
new within her soul. That child was hers. How
overshadowing was the love with which she bent over its
helplessness, how much it helped to fill the void and
chasms in her soul. How many lonely hours were beguiled
by its winsome ways, its answering smiles and fond
caresses. How exquisite and solemn was the feeling that
thrilled her heart when she clasped the tiny hands
together and taught her dear child to call God "Our
Father."
What a blessing was that child. The
father paused in his headlong career, awed by the strange
beauty and precocious intellect of his child; and the
mother's life had a better expression through her
ministrations of love. And then there came hours of
bitter anguish, shading the sunlight of her home and
hushing the music of her heart. The angel of death bent
over the couch of her child and beaconed it away. Closer
and closer the mother strained her child to her wildly
heaving breast, and struggled with the heavy hand that
lay upon its heart. Love and agony contended with death,
and the language of the mother's heart was,
"Oh, Death, away! that innocent
is mine
I cannot spare him from my arms
To lay him, Death, in thine.
I am a mother, Death: I gave that
darling birth
I could not bear his lifeless limbs
Should moulder in the
earth."
But death was stronger than love and
mightier than agony and won the child for the land of
crystal founts and deathless flowers, and the poor,
stricken mother sat down beneath the shadow of her mighty
grief, feeling as if a great light had gone out from her
soul, and that the sunshine had suddenly faded around her
path. She turned in her deep anguish to the father of her
child, the loved and cherished dead. For awhile his words
were kind and tender, his heart seemed subdued, and his
tenderness fell upon her worn and weary heart like rain
on perishing flowers, or cooling waters to lips all
parched with thirst and scorched with fever; but the
change was evanescent, the influence of unhallowed
associations and evil habits had vitiated and poisoned
the springs of his existence. They had bound him in their
meshes, and he lacked the moral strength to break his
fetters, and stand erect in all the strength and dignity
of a true manhood, making life's highest excellence his
ideal, and striving to gain it.
And yet moments of deep contrition would
sweep over him, when he would resolve to abandon the
wine-cup forever, when he was ready to forswear the
handling of another card, and he would try to break away
from the associations that he felt were working his ruin;
but when the hour of temptation came his strength was
weakness, his earnest purposes were cobwebs, his
well-meant resolutions ropes of sand, and thus passed
year after year of the married life of Laura Lagrange.
She tried to hide her agony from the public gaze, to
smile when her heart was almost breaking. But year after
year her voice grew fainter and sadder, her once light
and bounding step grew slower and faltering. Year after
year she wrestled with agony, and strove with despair,
till the quick eyes of her brother read, in the paling of
her cheek and the dimming eye, the secret anguish of her
worn and weary spirit. On that wan, sad face, he saw the
death-tokens, and he knew the dark wing of the mystic
angel swept coldly around her path. "Laura,"
said her brother to her one day, "you are not well,
and I think you need our mother's tender care and
nursing. You are daily losing strength, and if you will
go I will accompany you." At first, she hesitated,
she shrank almost instinctively from presenting that pale
sad face to the loved ones at home. That face was such a
telltale; it told of heart-sickness, of hope deferred,
and the mournful story of unrequited love. But then a
deep yearning for home sympathy woke within her as
passionate longing for love's kind words, for tenderness
and heart-support, and she resolved to seek the home of
her childhood and lay her weary head upon her mother's
bosom, to be folded again in her loving arms, to lay that
poor, bruised and aching heart where it might beat and
throb closely to the loved ones at home. A kind welcome
awaited her. All that love and tenderness could devise
was done to bring the bloom to her cheek and the light to
her eye; but it was all in vain; her's was a disease that
no medicine could cure, no earthly balm would heal. It
was a slow wasting of the vital forces, the sickness of
the soul. The unkindness and neglect of her husband, lay
like a leaden weight upon her heart, and slowly oozed way
its life-drops. And where was he that had won her love,
and then cast it aside as a useless thing, who rifled her
heart of its wealth and spread bitter ashes upon its
broken altars? He was lingering away from her when the
death-damps were gathering on her brow, when his name was
trembling on her lips! lingering away! when she was
watching his coming, though the death films were
gathering before her eyes, and earthly things were fading
from her vision. "I think I hear him now," said
the dying woman, "surely that is his step;" but
the sound died away in the distance. Again she started
from an uneasy slumber, "that is his voice! I am so
glad he has come." Tears gathered in the eyes of the
sad watchers by that dying bed, for they knew that she
was deceived. He had not returned. For her sake they
wished his coming. Slowly the hours waned away, and then
came the sad, soul-sickening thought that she was
forgotten, forgotten in the last hour of human need,
forgotten when the spirit, about to be dissolved, paused
for the last time on the threshold of existence, a weary
watcher at the gates of death. "He has forgotten
me," again she faintly murmured, and the last tears
she would ever shed on earth sprung to her mournful eyes,
and clasping her hands together in silent anguish, a few
broken sentences issued from her pale and quivering lips.
They were prayers for strength and earnest pleading for
him who had desolated her young life, by turning its
sunshine to shadows, its smiles to tears. "He has
forgotten me," she murmured again, "but I can
bear it, the bitterness of death is passed, and soon I
hope to exchange the shadows of death for the brightness
of eternity, the rugged paths of life for the golden
streets of glory, and the the care and turmoils of earth
for the peace and rest of heaven." Her voice grew
fainter and fainter, they saw the shadows that never
deceive flit over her pale and faded face, and knew that
the death angel waited to soothe their weary one to rest,
to calm the throbbing of her bosom and cool the fever of
her brain. And amid the silent hush of their grief the
freed spirit, refined through suffering, and brought into
divine harmony through the spirit of the living Christ,
passed over the dark waters of death as on a bridge of
light, over whose radiant arches hovering angels bent.
They parted the dark locks from her marble brow, closed
the waxen lids over the once bright and laughing eye, and
left her to the dreamless slumber of the grave. Her
cousin turned from that death-bed a sadder and wiser
woman. She resolved more earnestly than ever to make
the world better by her example, gladder by her presence,
and to kindle the fires of her genius on the altars of
universal love and truth. She had a higher and better
object in all her writings than the mere acquisition of
gold, or acquirement of fame. She felt that she had a
high and holy mission on the battle-field of existence,
that life was not given her to be frittered away in
nonsense, or wasted away in trifling pursuits. She would
willingly espouse an unpopular cause but not an
unrighteous one. In her the down-trodden slave found an
earnest advocate; the flying fugitive remembered her
kindness as he stepped cautiously through our
Republic, to gain his freedom in a monarchial land,
having broken the chains on which the rust of centuries
had gathered. Little children learned to name her with
affection, the poor called her blessed, as she broke her
bread to the pale lips of hunger. Her life was like a
beautiful story, only it was clothed with the dignity of
reality and invested with the sublimity of truth. True,
she was an old maid. No husband brightened her life with
his love, or shaded it with his neglect. No children
nestling lovingly in her arms called her mother. No one
appended Mrs. to her name; she was indeed an old maid,
not vainly striving to keep up an appearance of
girlishness, when departed was written on her youth. Not
vainly pining at her loneliness and isolation: the world
was full of warm, loving hearts, and her own beat in
unison with them. Neither was she always sentimentally
sighing for something to love, objects of affection were
all around her, and the world was not so wealthy in love
that it had no use for her's; in blessing others she made
a life and benediction, and as old age descended
peacefully and gently upon her, she had learned one of
life's most precious lessons, that true happiness
consists not so much in the fruition of our wishes as in
the regulation of desires and the full development and
right culture of our whole statures.
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