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"Weird Al" Yankovic's Greatest Hits Vol.1





"Fat"


(Parody of "Bad" by Micheal Jackson)

Lyrics:

Your butt is wide, well mine is too
Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you
The word is out, better treat me right
'Cause I'm the king of cellulite
Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown

Well, I've never used a phone booth
And I've never seen my toes
When I'm goin' to the movies
I take up seven rows

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout
Just now tell me once again who's fat

When I walk out to get my mail
It measures on the Richter scale
Down at the beach I'm a lucky man
I'm the only one who gets a tan
If I have one more pie a la mode
I'm gonna need my own zip code

When you're only having seconds
I'm having twenty-thirds
When I go to get my shoes shined
I gotta take their word

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds
Lemme tell you once again who's fat

If you see me comin' your way
Better give me plenty space
If I tell you that I'm hungry
Then won't you feed my face

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house
I really sit around the house

You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know, you know, you know, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And you know all by myself I'm a crowd
Lemme tell you once again

You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, you know, hoo
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And the whole world knows I'm fat and I'm proud
Just tell me once again who's fat


"Eat It"


(Parody of "Beat it" by Micheal Jackson)

Lyrics:

How come you're always such a fussy young man
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it

Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate
So eat it

Don't you tell me you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it, ooh

Your table manners are some cryin' shame
You're playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it

You better listen, better do what you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat it

I don't care if you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more spam
It doesn't matter it it's fresh or canned
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeate it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
If it's gettin' cold, reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it, you can't send it back
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it


"Like A Surgeon"


(Parody of "Like A Virgin" by Madonna)

Lyrics:
I finally made it through med school
Somehow I made it through
I'm just an intern
I still make a mistake or two

I was last in my class
Barely passsed at the institute
Now I'm trying to avoid, yah I'm trying to avoid
A malpractise suit

Hey, like a surgeon
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Organ transplants are my line

Better give me all your gause nurse
This patient's fading fast
Complications have set in
Don't know how long he'll last

Let me see, that I.V.
Here we go - time to operate
I'll pull his indsides out, pull his insides out
And see what he ate

Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Here's a waiver for you to sign

Woe, woe, woe

It's a fact - I'm a quack
The disgrace of the A.M.A.
'Cause my patients die, yah my patients die
Before they can pay

Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Got your kidneys on my mind

Like a surgeon, ooh like a surgeon
When I reach inside
With my scalpel, and my forceps, and retractors
Oh oh, oh oh, woe, oh

Ooh baby, yah
I can hear your heartbeat
For the very last time


"Ricky"


(Parody of "Mickey" by Toni Basil)

NOTE: "R:" indicates Ricky speaking and "L:" indicates Lucy speaking.


Lyrics:

R: Hey Lucy, I'm home

L: Oh Ricky, you're so fine
L: You're so fine you blow my mind
L: Hey Ricky, hey Ricky

R: Oh Lucy, you're so fine
R: You're so fine you blow my mind
R: Hey Lucy, hey Lucy

L: Oh Ricky, you're so fine
L: You play your bongos all the time
L: Hey Ricky, hey Ricky

R: Oh Lucy, you're so fine
R: How I love tyo hear you whine
R: Hey Lucy

L: Hey Ricky
L: You always play your conga drums, you think you got the right
L: You wake up little Ricky in the middle of the night
L: Stop shakin' your maraccas now and just turn out the light Ricky

R: I'm sick of Fred and Ethel always comin' over here
R: 'Cause Fred eats all our pretzel sticks and then he spills his beer
R: Why don't you serve your cassarole and make them disappear Lucy

L: Oh Ricky, what's a girl like me supposed to do
L: You really drive me wild when you sing your babaloo
R: Oh Lucy, you're so dizzy, don't you have a clue
R: Well, here's to you Lucy
R: I love you too Lucy, too Lucy, let's babaloo Lucy

L: Hey Ricky
L: You're always playin' at the club, you never let me go
L: I'm beggin' and I'm pleadin' but you always tell me no
L: Oh, please honey please, let me be in your show Ricky, wah

R: You always burn the roast and you drop the dishes too
R: You iron my new shirt and you burn a hole right through
R: You're such a crazy redhead I just don't know what to do Lucy

L: Oh Ricky
L: What a pity, don't you understand
L: That every day's a rerun and the laughter's always canned
R: Oh Lucy
R: I'm the latin leader of the band
R: So here's to you Lucy
R: Let's babaloo Lucy, too Lucy
R: Everybody rumba!

(Ricky laughing)



"Addicted To Spuds"


(Parody of "Addicted To Love" by Robert Palmer)

Lyrics:

Potato skins, potato cakes
Hash browns, and instant flakes
Baked or boiled or french fried
There's no kind you haven't tried

You planned a trip to Idaho
Just to watch potatoes grow
I understand how you must feel
I can't deny they've got appeal

Whoah
You like them whether they are plain or they're stuffed, oh yeah
Better face the facts, it seems you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to spuds

Your greasy hands, your salty lips
Looks like you found the chips
Your belly aches, your teeth grind
Some tator tots would blow your mind

And you don't mind if they're not cooked
You need your fix, I guess you're hooked
And late at night you always dream
Of bacon bits and sour cream

Whoah, you like them even if they're lumpy or tough, oh yeah
Whee, It's pretty obvoius to me you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to spuds

Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds

Ooh yeah

I'm givin' up, it'sjust no use
Another case of spud abuse
What can I say, what can I do
Potato bug has got me too, Wahoo

I used to hate them, now they're all that I eat, oh yeah
Whee, I've often seen then whipped, but they just can't be beat
Now I'm gonna have to face it
I'm addicted to spuds

Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds

Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds


"Living With A Herina"


(Parody of "Living In America" by James Brown)


Lyrics:

Help me out
Dig

All I do is grunt and groan
Hurts me to walk anywhere
Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones
He took my trousers off, told me to cough
Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss
He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss

Living with a hernia, ow
All the time, such aggravation
Living with a hernia
Gonna be my ruination
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation
Feel so old, ow

Too much bad pain
Good God, drives me insane
Can't run, barely crawl
Got a bulge in my intestinal wall

Walk real funny, bless my soul
Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl
You can't even do the splits now
Say it
Better call it quits now
Now I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow

Living with a hernia
Hurts me bad in a tender location
Living with a hernia
Had enough humiliation
Living with a hernia, yow
Got to have an operation

Ow, I live with a hernia
Can't get up, can't bend over
Now I live with a hernia

Wait a minute
You may not be familiar with the common types
Of hernias that you could get
So just settle down, let me clue you in

There's incomplete (incomplete)
Epigastric (epigastric)
Bladder, huh (bladder)
Strangulated (strangulated
Lumbar hernia (lumbat hernia)
Richter's hernia (Richter's hernia)
Obstructed (obstructed)
Inguinal and Direct

Living with a hernia
Rupture
I said it's causin' me such irritation
Living with a hernia
Have to have my medication
Living with a hernia

Yeah, I feel bad


"Dare To Be Stupid"


Lyrics:

Put down your chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite

You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before it's/its time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch

You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Wimpole's not around
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan

Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite on more than you chew
What can you do
Dare to be stupid

Take some wooden nickles
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
You can dare to be stupid

You can turn the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a bunch of sushi and forget to leave a tip

Dare to be stupid
Come on and dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Let's go

It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk
Now it's time for crying in your beer

Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevyrolet
And party 'till you're broke and they drive you away
It's OK, you can dare to be stupid

It's like spitting on a fish
It's like barking up a tree
It's like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free

Dare to be stupid (yes)
Why don't you dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Dare to be stupid

Burn your candle at both ends
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Mashed potatoes can be your friends

You can be a coffee achiever
You can sit around the house and watch Leave It To Beaver
The future's up to you
So what you gonna do

Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
What did I say
Dare to be stupid
Tell me, what did I say
Dare to be stupid
It's alright
Dare to be stupid
We can be stupid all night
Dare to be stupid
Come on, join the crowd
Dare to be stupid
Shout it out loud
Dare to be stupid
I can't hear you
Dare to be stupid
OK, I can hear you now
Dare to be stupid
Let's go, Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid


"Lasagna"


(Parody of "La Bamba" by Los Lobos)

Lyrics:

La-la-la-la-lasagna
You want-a some-a lasagna magnifico
Or a-maybe spaghetti
Ay, you supper's a-ready now, where you go
Mama mia bambino
Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you
'Samatta you, 'samatta you

You should-a taste my lasagna
Ay, you no like-a lasagna
That's okay too
How about-a calzone
Some-a nice minestrone, ats good for you
Have-a some marinara
Have-a some marinara, I know-a you like
I know-a you like, I know-a you like

La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna

Would you like some-a zucchini
Or-a my homemade linguini, it's hard to beat
Have-a more fettuccini
Ay, you getting too skinny, you gotta to eat
Ay, mange, mange

(gargling)

Ay, you-a pass the lasagna
A-don't you get any on ya, you sloppy pig
Have-a more ravioli
You-a get roly poly, a-nice and-a big
Like you cousin Luigi
Luigi, Luigi, capisce paisan
Capisce paisan, capisce paisan

La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna

Hey
Hey

(laughing)


"I Lost On Jeopary"


(Parody of "Jeopary" by Greg Kihn Band)

Lyrics:

Oh-oh-oh-oh

I was there to match my intellect on national TV
Against a plumber, oh, and an architect, both with a PhD
I was tense, I was nervous, I guess it just wasn't my night
Art Fleming gave the answers
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right, -ight, -ight

I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)

Well, I knew I was in trouble now
My hope of winning sank
Oh, 'cause I got the Daily Double now
And then my mind went blank
I took Potpourri for one hundred
And then my head started to spin
Well, I'm givin' up Don Pardo
Just tell me now what I didn't win, yeah, yeah

I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)

(Don Pardo:)
That's right, Al--You lost. And let me tell you what you didn't win: a twenty colume set of the Encyclopedia International, a case of Turtle Wax, and a yeard's supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat. But that's not all. You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people. You brought shame and disgrace to your family name for generations to come. You don't get to come back tomorrow. You don't even get a lousy copy of our home game. You're a complete loser!

Don't know what I was thinkin' of
I guess I just wasn't too bright
Well, I sure hope I do better
Next weekend on The Price Is Right, -ight, -ight

I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby



"One More Minute"


(Parody of "Can't Falling In Love" by Elvis)

Lyrics:

(constant "doo wop"s in the background throughout the song)

Aahh

Well I heard that you're leavin' (leavin')
Gonna leave me far behind (so far behind)
'Cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I'm not your kind (aahh..)

So I pulled (I pulled) your name out (name out) of my Rolodex (oohh..)
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you (dippity dippity doo)

That's right (that's right) you ain't gonna see me cryin'
I'm glad (I'm glad) that you found somebody new
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you

I guess I might seem kinda bitter
You got me feeling down in the dumps
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love
And I have to use the self-service pumps

Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't (you ain't) gonna break my heart in two
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door (yah)
Again and again and again and again and again

Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, Darlin...

I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches (leeches)
Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathroom in Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you

Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you

I'd rather rip my heart out of my ribcage with my bare hands
and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'till I die
Than spend one more minute with you


"Weird Al" Yankovic's Greatest Hits Vol.2





"Headline News"


(Parody of "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" by Crash Test Dummies)

Lyrics:

Once, there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint
And when he finally came back
He had cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

(*whip* sound) Ahh

Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion
And when she finally made it
She saw some other girl who was better (*ding* sound)
And so she hired some guy to
Club her in the kneecap

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
(*thwack* sound) Ahh
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

They got paid for their sound bites
And sold their TV movie rights

And then, there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner
And when he finally came to
He found that Mr. Happy was missing
He couldn't quite explain it
It'd always just been there

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

(There were, there is)
(There were, there is)


"Bedrock Anthem"


(Parody of "Under the Bridge" and "Give it Away" both by Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Lyrics:

Sometimes I feel
Like I need a vacation
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna go
To the city of cavemen
The city of Bedrock
I'd be a Flinstone
Now I'll tell you why...

Well, I've got I've got a woman named Wilma
Well, I've got I've got a baby named Pebbles
Well, I've got I've got a doggy named Dino
We do a little bowling and we drink a little vino

Well, I've got a little buddy, Barney Rubble
Got a neighbor by the name of Barney Rubble
He's a midget but he makes a lot of trouble
Doesn't like to shave, he got caveman stubble

Me and Barney, Loyal Order Water Buffalo
Lodge brothers, Loyal Order Water Buffalo
There's a handshake everybody gotta know
How come grand Poo-Bah always gotta run the whole show?

Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
I get by on all my prehistoric knowhow

Betty and Barney got a baby named Bamm-Bamm
Little Pebbles is his number one fan
He's the strongest toddler in the whole land
Tear your arm off if he shakes your hand

Got a car, gonna push it with my feet now
Gonna take my family out to eat now
Jumbo ribs at the drive-in can't be beat now
Made from brontosaurus, baby, not a moo-cow

Wanna chill with a Sabretooth Tiger
Wear a loincloth, natural fiber
Be the first Rolling Stone subscriber
Got a pterodactyl for a windshield wiper

Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Don't know what it means but I say it anyhow

Luck me, workin' down in the gravel put
Movin' rocks, on a big dinosaur I sit
Mr. Slate gets mad and he throws a fit
Pull the birdie's tail, everybody knows it's time to quit

I realize I'm living in the Stone Age
No fax, no cellular phone-Age
Pick my teeth with a dinosaur bone-Age
Liftin' heavy boulders every day for my wage

Barney Rubble, laughin' like a hyena
Barney Rubble, what a little weiner
Where's Wilma? Anybody seen her?
Got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner

Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now


"You Don't Love Me Anymore"


Lyrics:

We've been together for so very long
But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?
Seems you don't want me around
The passion is gone and the flame's died down

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
You used to think I was nice
Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist

Oh, why did you disconnect the breaks in my car?
That kind of thing is hard to ignore
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?

You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down that elevator shaft

Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
You set my house on fire
You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers

Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap
You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
You drilled a hole in my head
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all
You never acted this way before
Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

(approximately 10 minutes and 2 seconds of silence)

(some loud and spontaneous noises)


"Smells Like Nirvana"


(Parody of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana)

Lyrics:

What is this song all about?
Can't figure any lyrics out
How do the words to it go?
I wish you'd tell me, I don't know
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no
Don't know, don't know, don't know...

Now I'm mumblin' and I'm screamin'
And I don't know what I'm singin'
Crank the volume, ears are bleedin'
I still don't know what I'm singin'
We're so loud and incoherent
Boy, this oughta bug your parents
Yeah

It's unintel-ligible
I just can't get it through my skull
It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss
With all these marbles in my mouth
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no
Don't know, don't know, don't know...

Well, we don't sound like Madonna
Here we are now, we're Nirvana
Sing distinctly? We don't wanna
Buy our album, we're Nirvana
A garage band from Seattle
Well, it sure beats raising cattle
Yeah

And I forgot the next verse
Oh well, I guess it pays to rehearse
The lyric sheet's so hard to find
What are the words? Oh, nevermind
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no
Don't know, don't know, don't know...

Well, I'm yellin' and we're playin'
But I don't know what I'm sayin'
What's the message I'm conveyin'?
Can you tell me what I'm sayin'?
So have you got some idea?
Didn't think so -- Well, I'll see ya
Sayonara, sayonara
Ayonawa, odinawa
Odinaya, yodinaya
Yaddayadda, yaaahyaaah
Ayaaaaaah!


"Achy Breaky Song"


(Parody of "Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus)

Lyrics:

You can torture me
With Donnie & Marie
You can play some Barry Manilow
Or you can play some schlock
Like New Kids On The Block
Or any Village People song you know
Or play Vanilla Ice
Hey, you can play him twice
And you can play the Bee Gees any day
But Mr. DJ, please
I'm beggin' on my knees
I just can't take no more of Billy Ray

Don't play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
The most annoying song I know
And if you play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
I might blow up my radio, ooo...

You can clear the room
By playin Debbie Boon
Or crank your Abba records until dawn
Oh, I can even hear
Slim Whitman or Zamfir
Don't mind a Yoko Ono marathon
Or play some Tiffany
On 8-track or CD
Or scrape your fingernails across the board
Or tie me to a chair
And kick me down the stairs
Just please don't play that stupid song no more

Don't play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
You know I hate that song a bunch
And if you play that song
That nauseating song
It might just make me lose my lunch, ooo...

Don't play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
I think it's driving me insane
Oh, please don't play that song
That irritating song
I'd rather have a pitchfork in my brain...

Don't play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
The most annoying song I know
And if you play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
I might blow up my radio, ooo-woo....


"UHF"


Lyrics:

Put down your remote control
Throw out your TV Guide
Put away your jacket
There's no need to go outside
Don't you know that we control the horizontal
We control the verticle, too
We gonna make a couch potato out of you
That's what we gonna do now

Don't change the channel
Don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry
Forget about your job
Just crank up the volume
And yank off the knob
We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF

Disconnect the phone and leave the dishes in the sink
You better put away your homework
Prime time ain't no time to think
All you do is make yourself a TV dinner
Press your face right up against the screen
We gonna show you thangs you ain't ever seen
If you know what I mean, now

Don't change the channel
Don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry
Forget about your job
Just crank up the volume
And yank off the knob
We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF

You can watch us all day
You can watch us all night
You can watch us any time that you please
You can sit around and stare at the picture tube
'Till your brain turns into cottage cheese
Well, now

Don't change the channel
Don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry
Forget about your job
Just crank up the volume
And yank off the knob
We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (we got it all)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (we got it all)
We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (we got it)
(We got it) we got (we got it) it all (we got it) on UHF (we got it all)
We got it all on UHF (we got it all)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (on UHF)
We got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (we go it)
We got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF


"Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillibilles"


(Parody of "Money For Nothing" by Dire Straits)

Lyrics:

Beverly

Beverly Hillbillies

Huh, now lookie here people
Listen to my story
A little story 'bout a man named Jed
You know something?
That poor mountaineer
They say he barely kept his family fed

Now, let me tell you
One day he was shootin'
Old Jed was shootin' at some food
When all of a sudden right up from the ground, there
Well, there came a bubblin' crude

Oil that is Well, maybe you call it black gold or Texas tea
He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale And be a Beverly hillbilly...

Before you know it, all the kinfolk are-a-sayin'
Yeah, buddie, move away from there
That little Clampet got his own cement pond
That little Clampet, he's a millionaire

Now, everyone said Californie
Is the place that you oughta be
We got to load up this here truck now
We got to move to Beverly
Hills, that is

Swimming pools
Move-a-move-a-movie stars
Huh
Lookit that, lookit that

Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Y'all come back now, y'hear?
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies


"Jurassic Park"


(Parody of "McArthur Park" by Jimmy Webb)

Lyrics:

I recall the time they found those fossilized mosquitoes
And before long, they were cloning DNA
Now I'm being chased by some irate veloceraptors
Well, believe me... this has been one lousy day

Jurassic Park is frightning in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone shut the fence off in the rain
I admit it's kinda eerie
But this proves my chaos theory
And I don't think I'll be coming back again
On no

I cannot approve of this attraction
'Cause getting disemboweled always makes me kinda mad
A huge tyrannosaurus ate our lawer
Well, I suppose that proves... they're really not all bad

Jurassic Park is frightning in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone let T. Rex out of his pen
I'm afraid those things'll harm me
'Cause they sure don't act like Barney
And they think that I'm their dinner, not their friend
Oh no

Jurassic Park is frightning in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
What a crummy weekend this has been
Well, this sure ain't no E-ticket
Think I'll tell them where to stick it
'Cause I'm never coming back this way again
Oh no... oh no


"This Is The Life"


Lyrics:

I eat filet mignon seven times a day
My bathtub's filled with Perrier
What can I say
This is the life

I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood
I hire somebody to chew my food
I'm an upwardly mobile dude
This is the life

They say that money corrupts you
But I can't really tell
I got the whole world at my feet
And I think it's pretty swell

I got women lined up outside my door
They've been waitin' there since the week before
Who could ask for more
This is the life

You're dead for a real long time
You just can't prevent it
So if money can't buy happiness
I guess I'll have to rent it

Yeah, every day I make the front page news
No time to pay my dues
I got a million pairs of shoes
This is the life

I got a solid gold Cadillac
I make a fortune while I sleep
You can tell I'm a living legend
Not some ordinary creep

No way, I'm the boss, the big cheese
Yeah, I got this town on its knobby little knees
And I can do just what I please
This is the life

That's right, I'm the king, number one
I buy monographed Kleenex by the ton
I pay the bills, I call the shots
I grease the palms, I buy the yachts

One thing I can guarantee
The best things in life, they sure ain't free
It's such a thrill just to be me
This is the life
Waah, this is the life


"Polka Your Eyes Out"


(Parody of "15 songs" & "Ear Booker Polka" by "Weird Al" Yankovic)

Lyrics:

Rock the cradle of love. Rock the cradle of love
Yes, the cradle of love
Don't rock easy, it's true
Rock the cradle of love
I rocked the cradle of love
Yes, the cradle of love
Don't rock easy, it's true

Doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo
(Doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo)

The Love Shack is a little old place where
We can get together
Love Shack, baby
(Love Shack, baby, Love Shack)
Hey!

Pump up the jam (hey!). Pump up the jam (hey!)
Pump up the jam, pump it up!

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion
Trying to keep a view
And I don't know if I can to it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough

The things you say
Your purple prose just gives you away
The things you say
You're unbelieveable
(Oh!)

Do me, baby. Do me, baby
You can do me in the morning, you can do me in the night
You can do me when you wanna do me
Yodalodaladyhoo!

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never never land

The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the Hump
Do me, baby
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Do me, baby
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump

She's my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face ten miles wide
Look so good, make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie-yi-yi
Woo!

Drum solo!

I miss you so much (M-O-I miss you so much)
I really miss you much (M-I-S-S you so much)
I miss you so much (M-O-I miss you so much)
I really miss you much

Hey, I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
Oh, I don't want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no no no

He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's the one that makes you fell all right
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's gonna be your Frankenstein

Let's kick it!
If you got a problem, (yo!) I'll solve it
Check out the beat while the DJ revolves it
Ice ice baby
Ice ice baby... Word to your mother!
Ice ice baby
Ice ice baby forever
I'll be your ife... ice... baby!
Hey!


"Yoda"


(Parody of "Lola" by Kinks)

Lyrics:

I met him in a swamp down in Dagoba
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S O D A, soda

I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said "Yoda"
Y O D A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I left home just a week before
And I've never ever been a Jedi before
But Obi Wan, he set me straight, of course
He said, "Go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force"

Well I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben
So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

So I used the Force
I picked up a box
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head
Well, I won't forget what Yoda said

He said, "Luke, stay away from the darker side
And if you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

"I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed
But remember, if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
So I'm gonna have to leave Yoda, I guess
But I know that I'll be coming back some day
I'll be playing this part 'till I'm old and gray

The long-term contract that I had to sign
Says I'll be making these movies till the end of time
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda


"Christmas At Ground Zero"


Lyrics:

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringin' and the carolers are singin'
While the air raid sirens blare

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test

Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin'
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last minute shoppin'
It's time to face your final destiny

Well, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath a mushroom cloud

(siren)

You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbin' down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill

Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see the all new
Mutations on New Year's Day

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday

(siren)