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(Parody of "Money For Nothing" by Dire Straits)
Lyrics:
Beverly
Beverly Hillbillies
Huh, now lookie here people
Listen to my story
A little story 'bout a man named Jed
You know something?
That poor mountaineer
They say he barely kept his family fed
Now, let me tell you
One day he was shootin'
Old Jed was shootin' at some food
When all of a sudden right up from the ground, there
Well, there came a bubblin' crude
Oil that is Well, maybe you call it black gold or Texas tea
He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale And be a Beverly hillbilly...
Before you know it, all the kinfolk are-a-sayin'
Yeah, buddie, move away from there
That little Clampet got his own cement pond
That little Clampet, he's a millionaire
Now, everyone said Californie
Is the place that you oughta be
We got to load up this here truck now
We got to move to Beverly
Hills, that is
Swimming pools
Move-a-move-a-movie stars
Huh
Lookit that, lookit that
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Y'all come back now, y'hear?
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
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Lyrics:
Announcer: Next week on U62...
Announcer: He's back
Announcer: And this time
Announcer: He's mad
Announcer: Gandhi 2
Announcer: No more mister passive resistance
Announcer: He's out to kick some butt
Announcer: This is one bad mother you don't wanna mess with
Gandhi : Don't move, slimeball
Announcer: He's a one man recking crew
Announcer: But he also knows how to party
Gandhi : Gimme a steak, medium rare
Gangster : Hey, Baldy!
Announcer: There is only one law
Announcer: His law
Announcer: Gandhi 2 |
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Lyrics:
They showed up on my doorstep just a couple weeks ago
They looked so sweet and harmless
Tell me, how was I to know
They got a little too close to the microwave and then much to my surprise
They grew to forty thousand times their original size
They started mutatin' right before my eyes
Oh my
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
A race from a distant place
They came in UFOs shaped just like cuban cigars
Man oh man, you oughta hear 'em squeal
Now the whole wide world is their exercise wheel
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
The president, he's is a panic
The pentagon, they're in shock
There's a team of research scientists They got 'em workin' 'round the clock
Now the National Guard is out in my back yard
And the Marines'll be comin' around
I hope they get this lousy rodents out of my town
'Cause the property values are goin' way down now
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
They're back and they're lookin' for a snack
And they're not that fond of Burger Kings or salad bars
I hope they're not plannin' to stay
Who invited them here anayway
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
Well, well, look at that hamster, he's as big as a blimp
And there's one the size of central park
They're using telephone pole to pick their teeth
They're evil and nasty and they glow in the dark
Oh, don't waste any more of your bullets, boys
You know it just makes 'em mad when you shoot
They're gonna stomp us into jelly and conquer the world
But you gotta admit, they're really kinda cute, now
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
What a racquet they're makin', Jack
They keep me up at night playin' they're electric guitars
Listen to 'em squeal
They think the whole stinkin' world is their exercise wheel
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
Hey Jack, you better watch your back
Here come those hamsters from a planet near mars
Well, well, it's called the
Attack of the radioactive hamsters From a planet near Mars
A planet near Mars |
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(Parody of "Wild Thing" by Tone Loc)
Lyrics:
Met this fine young thing
At the local Circle K
We made a date for a half past eight
And I said, "What the hey?"
So I journeyed to her crib
And I let myself inside
That chick was slouched down on the couch
I think her brain was fried
Couldn't figure it out
She wouldn't even look at me
Then I saw her eyes, she was hypnotised
Cold glued to her TV
"Hey, what's your problem baby doll
Let's have a little fling"
She said, "Hey you fool, now just be cool
I'm watchin' that Gilligan's Isle thing"
Isle thing
Isle thing, isle thing, isle thing
Watchin' all night
Musta, been a marathon
I was bummin', those shows kept comin'
Here's what was goin' on
These Castaways were stranded
On this island out at sea
One of them called Gilligan
Said "Let's name it after me"
He'd mess up every rescue
Man, that first mate was illin'
If I was one of those Castaways
I think I'd probably kill 'im
Just about that time
Telephone began to ring
She said, "Just let it, my machine'll get
We're watchin' the Gilligan's Isle thing
Isle thing
She loves that Gilligan's Isle thing
Isle thing, isle thing, isle thing
Please, baby, baby, please
I like the professor
He always saves their butts
He could build a nuclear reactor
From a clouple' of coconuts
She said, "That guy's a genius"
I shook my head and laughed
I said, "If he's so fly, they tell me why
He couldn't build a lousy raft"
And while we're on the subject
I'll tell you one thing for sure
Those homeboys brought an awful lot
For just a three hour tour
Then her mom came in the room
It was kind of embarrasing
She said, "Hey you two, I was once like you
And I loved that Gilligan's Isle thing"
Isle thing
She'd watch that Gilligan's Isle thing
Please, baby, baby, please
Skipper's in a hammock
He's looking kinda fat
He'd throw a fit and then he'd hit
Old Gilligan with his hat
Mrs. Hal had it goin' on
But Mr. Hal was meaner
Ginger and Mary Anne could've used
Some funky cold medina
I was really diggin' this show
I didn't know what to do
It kinda looked like I was hooked
Now I'm an addict too
I know each episode by heart
Now I'm the rerun king
And on every date we both stay up late
And we watch the Gilligan's Isle thing
Isle thing
Hasta la vista, little buddy
Gilligan's Isle thing, isle thing, isle thing |
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(Parody of "11 songs")
Lyrics:
If I could stick my hand in my heart
Spill it all over the stage
Would it satisfy you
Would it slide on by you
Would you think the boy is strange
Ain't it stra-a-ange
If I could win
If I could sing
A love song so divine
Would it be enough for your cheating heart
If I broke down and cried
If I cri-i-ied
I said, "Ah no, It's only rock 'n' roll
But I like it
Ah no, it's only rock 'n' roll
But I like it, like it
Yes I do
I really really really really do do-do do do"
Hey
Gold coast slave ship bound for cotton fields
Sold in a market down in New Orleans
Scarred old slaver knows he's doin' all right
Hear they whip the women just around midnight
Brown sugar
How come you taste so good
Brown sugar
Just like a young girl should
I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would make her connection
By her feet was a footloose man
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes
You might find
You get what you need
You need honkey tonk women
Gimme gimme gimme the honkey tonk blues
Under my thumb
The girl who once had me down
Under my thumb
The girl who once pushed me around
It's down to me
Yes it is
The way she talks when she's spoken to
Down to me
The change has come
She's under my thumb
So, goodbye ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you
When you change with every new day
Still, I'm gonna miss you
Who who who who who-who who who who who who-who who who who-who
Who who who who who-who who who who who who-who who who who-who
Please allow me to introdue myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste (woo woo)
I've been around for a long long year
So many a man sold a faith (woo woo)
Pleased to meet you (woo woo)
Hope you guessed (woo woo) my name (woo woo woo woo)
'Cause what's bothering you (woo woo)
Is the nature (woo woo) of my game (woo woo woo woo)
I said, "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!
Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!
Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!
Don't hang around because two's a crowd
Shay-do-bay(?), shatter, shay-do-bay(?), shatter
Laughter, joy, and lonliness
And sex and sex and sex and sex
Look at me
I'm in tatters
Shay-do-bay(?), I'm shattered
Shay-do-bay(?), shatter
This doesn't happen to me every day, oh my
Let's spend the night together
No excuses offered anyway, oh my
Let's spend the night together
I'll satisfy your every need (every need)
And I know you'll satisfy me
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-my
Let's spend the night together
Now I need you more than ever
Let's spend the night together now
Ma-ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma ma my
I can't get no
Satisfaction
I can't get no
Girlie action
'Cause I try (and I try) and I try (and I try)
And I try (and I try) and I try (and I try)
I can't get no
I can't get no
I can't get no
Satisfaction
Satisfaction
Satisfaction
Satisfaction |
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Lyrics:
Put down your remote control
Throw out your TV Guide
Put away your jacket
There's no need to go outside
Don't you know that we control the horizontal
We control the verticle, too
We gonna make a couch potato out of you
That's what we gonna do now
Don't change the channel
Don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry
Forget about your job
Just crank up the volume
And yank off the knob
We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF
Disconnect the phone and leave the dishes in the sink
You better put away your homework
Prime time ain't no time to think
All you do is make yourself a TV dinner
Press your face right up against the screen
We gonna show you thangs you ain't ever seen
If you know what I mean, now
Don't change the channel
Don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry
Forget about your job
Just crank up the volume
And yank off the knob
We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF
You can watch us all day
You can watch us all night
You can watch us any time that you please
You can sit around and stare at the picture tube
'Till your brain turns into cottage cheese
Well, now
Don't change the channel
Don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry
Forget about your job
Just crank up the volume
And yank off the knob
We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (we got it all)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (we got it all)
We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (we got it)
(We got it) we got (we got it) it all (we got it) on UHF (we got it all)
We got it all on UHF (we got it all)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (on UHF)
We got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (we go it)
We got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF |
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Lyrics:
Let me be your hog
Let me be your hog, now (Pig snoring)
I said baby baby baby baby baby
Baby baby baby baby baby baby
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(Parody of "She Drives Me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals)
Lyrics:
Where'd you learn how to steer
You do eighty in second gear
When you drive, I can't relax
Got your license from Cracker Jacks
You just hit another tree
These fender benders are killin' me
She drives like crazy
Like noone else
She drives like crazy
And I'm afraid for myself
They'll put you behind bars
We're not playin' bumper cars
Did a great figure eight
In the middle of the interstate
Tires squeel wherever we go
Even hitchhikers just say no
She drives like crazy
Her car's a mess
She drives like crazy
She's got a death wish I guess
She's a demon
Behind the wheel
Thinks she's drivin'
The Batmobile
Burnin' rubber in school zones
Runnin' over the traffic cones
Passin' "semi-"s on the right
Now my knuckles are turnin' white
She drives like crazy
She'll break our necks
She drives like crazy
She always gets into wrecks
She drives like crazy
Like noone else
She drives like crazy
Now I'm afraid for myself
She drives like crazy
Like noone else
She drives like crazy
And I'm afraid for myself |
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Lyrics:
I woke up this morning
Then I went back to bed
Said I woke up this morning
Then I went right back to bed
Got a funny kind of feelin' like I got broken glass in my underwear
And a herd of wild pigs is trying to chew off my head
You know what I'm sayin'
Well I ain't got not money
I'm just walkin' down the road
Said I ain't got no money, honey
So I'm just walking down this lonely old road
Well, I wish I could get me some money
But I forgot my automated teller code
I was born in a paper sack in the bottom of a sewer
I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast, my family was so poor
My daddy was a waitress, my mama sold bathroom tiles
My brothers and sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child
I got the blues so bad, woo
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama
Or maybe I'll, yeah maybe I'll just go bowlin' instead
I'm just a no good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime
Nothing but a low-down beer bellied, bone headed, pigeon toed, turkey necked, weasle faced, worthless hunk of slime
Guess I pretty low self image
Maybe it's a chemical imbalance or something -- I
I should probably go and see a doctor about it when I've got the time
Make it talk
Aw, make it talk, son, make it talk
OK, now make it shut up
Plagues and famine and pestilence always seem to get me down
I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around
I wish somebody would come along, stick a pitchfork through my brain
I'd flush myself right down the toilet, but I'd just clog up the drain
I got the blues so bad
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama
Or maybe I'll go bowling
Or I just might go bowling
Maybe I'll just rent some shoes and go bowling
Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament, put on a stupid looking shirt and go bowling instead
Yeah |
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Lyrics:
Announcer: There's just one place to go for all of your spatula needs
Random Voice #1: Spatula City
Random Voice #2: Spatula City
Announcer:
A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion. Thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color. And because we eliminate the middle man, we can sell all our spatulas factory direct to you. Where do you go if you want to buy name brand spatulas at a fraction of retail cost?
Random Voice: Spatula City
Random Voice: Spatula City
Announcer:
And this weekend only, take advantage of our special liquidation sale. Buy nine spatulas, get the tenth one for just one penny. Don't forget, they make great Christmas presents. And what better way to say "I love you." than with the gift of a spatula?
Random Voice: Spatula City
Random Voice: Spatula City
Sy Greenblum:
Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I liked their spatulas so much, I bought the company.
Announcer:
Spatula City - seven locations; we're in the yellow pages under "spatulas".
Neighbor: My, where did you get that lovely spatula?
Singers: Spatula City: We sell spatulas, and that's all. |
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(This song is just music from UHF: The Movie. The music is from the part of Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse. There one word in the lyrics that is in the middle of this song.)
Lyrics:
Crowd : Yeah! |
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(Parody of "Stand" by REM)
Lyrics:
Spam in the place where I live (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy)
Spam in my luchbox at work (it's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwich any way you slice it at all
If you're running low, go to the store
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the spam
Oh, spam on the table at home (ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now (let's eat)
Spam in my office at work (it's the best)
Think about the stuff its made from, wonder if it's mystery of meat
If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermose to help wash it down
Now, if there's some left, don't just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now
Spam in my pantry at home (have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the lable (oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner, or lunch (it's the best)
Think about how it's been precooked, wonder if I'll just eat it cold
Now, once you start in, you can't put it down
Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the spam in
Oh, spam (spam)
Ham and pork
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy)
Spam (spam)
It's the best
Really makes a darn good sandwich any way you slice it
Spam in the place where I live (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie now (let's eat)
Spam in the place where I work (you're obsessed)
Think about the way it's processed, wonder if it's some kind of meat
Spam in the back of my car (ham and pork)
Spam any place that you are (ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
The can is there to hold in the spam (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
Oh spam |
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Lyrics:
Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming
After working all year down at Big Roy's Heating And Plumbing
So one night when my family the I were gathered 'round the dinner table
I said, "Kids, if you could go anywhere in this great big world, now
Where'd you like to go ta"
They said, "Dad, we wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota"
They picked the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
So the very next day we loaded up the car
With potato skins and pickled weiners,
Crossword puzzles, Spider-Man comics, and mama's home made rhubarb pie
Pulled out of the driveway and the neighbors, they all waved good-bye
And so began our three day journey
We picked up a guy holding a sign that said "twine ball or bust"
He smelled real bad and he said his name was Bernie
I put in a Slim Whitman tape, my wife put on a brand new hair net
Kids were in the back seat jumping up and down,
yelling "Are we there yet?"
And all of us were joined together in one common thought
As we rolled down the long and winding interstate in our '53 DeSoto
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We're headin' for the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Oh, we couldn't wait to get there
So we drove straight through for three whole days and nights
Of course, we stopped for more pickled weiners now and then
The scenery was just so pretty, boy I wish the kids could've seen it
But you can't see out of the side of the car
Because the windows are completely covered
With the decals of all the place where we've already been
There's Elvis-O-Rama, the Tupperware Museum,
The Boll Weevil Monument, and Cranberry World,
The Shuffleboard Hall Of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock,
And The Mecca of Albino Squirrels
We've been to ghost towns, theme parks, wax museums,
And a place where you can drive through the middle of a tree
We've seen alligator farms and tarantula ranches,
But there's still one thing we gotta see
Well, we crossed the state line about 6:39
And we saw a sign that said "Twine Ball exit - 50 miles"
Oh, the kids were so happy the started singing
"99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall" for the 27th time that day
So, we pulled off the road at the last chance gas station
Got a few more pickled weiners and a diet chocolate soda
On our way to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We're gonna see the biggest ball of tiwne in Minnesota
Finally, at 7:37 early Wednesday evening as the sun was setting
in the Minnesota sky
Out in the distance, on the horizon, it appeared to me like a vision
before my unbelieving eye
I parked the car and walked with awe-filled reverence towards that
glorius huge majestic sphere
I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer imensity,
I had to pop myself a beer
Yes, on these hallowed grounds, open ten to eight on weekdays,
in a little shrine under a make-shift pagoda,
There sits the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I tell you, it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Oh, what on earth would make a man decide to do that kind of thing?
Oh, windin' up twenty-one thousand, one hundred forty pounds of string
What was he trying to prove, who was he trying to impress
Why did he build it, how did he do, it was anybody's guess
Where did he get the twine, what was goin' through his mind
Did it just seem like a good idea at the time
Well, we walked up beside it and I warned the kids
"Now, you better not touch it, those ropes are there for a reason"
I said, "Maybe if you're good, I'll tie it to the back of our car
and we can take it home", but I was only teasin'
Then we went to the gift shop and stood in line
Bought a souvineer miniature ball of twine, some window decals,
and anything else they'd sell us
And we bought a couple post cards, "Greetings from the twine ball,
wish you were here"
Won't the folks back home be jealous
I gave our camera to Bernie and we stood by the ball and we all gathered
'round and said, "Cheese"
The Bernie ran away with my brand new Insti-Matic,
but at least we got our memories
Then we all just stared at the ball for a while and my eyes got moist,
but I said with a smile, "Kids, this here's what America's all about"
Then I started feelin' kinda gooey inside and I fell on my knees
and I cried and cried
And that's when those security guards threw us out
You know, I bet if we unravelled that sucker,
It'd roll all the way down to Fargo, North Dakota
'Cause it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I'm talkin' 'bout the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Well, we stayed that night at the Twine Ball Inn
In the morning we were on our way home again
But we really didn't want to leave, that was perfectly clear
I said, "Folks, I can tell you're all sad to go"
Then I winked my eye and I said, "You know, I got a funny kind of feelin'
we'll be comin' back again next year"
'Cause I've been all around this great big world
And I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather go to
Than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I said the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota |
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