Player Profiles
 
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Goalkeeper & Defence


Goalkeeper
Nick Stone: Nick is a very competent GK, however he has very worrying feelings for a certain Mr Beckham

Defence
Jon Drew: Jon is comfortable playing anywhere across the back line and has excellent arial ability, howvever he supports Stoke City

Matt Field: Although he can be outpaced by a tortoise, Matt has an excellent reading of the game and a cultured right foot

Ryan Ballantyne: Ryan is a colossus of a centre-half, he has good feet and is superb in the air, however he looks like a lost German exchange student

Steve Ballantyne: The second of two brothers, Steve is also a six footer with tidy footwork, he is also good in the air due to the size of his swede

Peter Kiff: Peter is strong and tackles with venom, he can play in either full back position, however he tends to get a little excited when around sheep

Pete Westwood: Pete is a great tackler he frustrates the opposition with his extremely long legs


Midfield & Attack


Midfield

Richard Wheeldon: Richard can operate in tight spaces due to his superb close control, he also has excellent vision, however
he is often confused for Zippy from rainbow

Gareth Evers: Gareth is an all action midfield terrier, he has a great shot and wiley dribbling skills, however he often throws
his toys out of his pram

Paul Fernandez: Pablo is a Portugese/Irish veteran with great ball control and excellent vision for a man who is pushing the big 40

Anders Hoglund: Anders was previously a porn star in his native Sweden, he strikes the ball with devastating accuracy and
resembles Avid Merrion from Bo Selecta

Tom Field: The second (uglier) Field brother can dribble for fun often leaving opposing players sat on their arse, he strongly resembles David Platt with big teeth

Lee Hodson: Lee has only recently joined the side, he is a pacy left winger with a powerful strike and has yet to turn up having had a shave

Rick Lambert: Rick has outstanding stamina and can operate in midfield or attack he is excellent in the air especially with a parachute attached to his back

Richard Jervis: Jerv is the most versatile player within the squad and can operate in any position, he is renowned for his flicks and not knowing where to find the inside of his foot

Tom Fielding: Tom is the most committed player having turned up to every session/match so far, he is pacy and extremely dangerous late in the game

Attack

Tom Twort: Tom has amazing pace for a chubby lad and is this seasons top scorer so far, however he occasionally chooses to wear Ade Akinbiyi's boots

Adam Shaw: Adam has excellent close control and is a provider of goals with his unselfish play, however Adam has suffered from verbal diahorrea since birth

Ollie Marsden: Ollie strikes the ball very cleanly and often pulls out into wide positions to help his strike partner, he is famous for his philosophy of shoot-on-sight

Dan McElroy: Yet to feature for Westlands FC, Dan stands head and shoulders above everyone at 6ft 6", he suffered greatly
during the potato famin in Ireland