BUDDY ACKERMAN

OK so you wanna be a player. You want to be the next Irving Thalberg. Big Deal. No one cares what you want, you are here to protect my interests and serve my needs. You are here for me. It took me 10 years to get where I am today, but here it is. I've felt a sudden need to atone for my sins and I'm gonna give you the skinny on how to make it big in this business that we call show. Siddown. Shut up listen and learn. Where's my frikkin coffee????!!!!

1. Never say sorry. It's a sign of weakness. Appologies are for losers.

2. Women directors. Perlease. Don't even go there.

3. People go to the movies to get away from their shitty lives. They want to be entertained, they want to go see their dreams. They do NOT go to see meaningful movies about real life. Let me give you an example, and learn from this: Armageddon good. Indiana Jones good. Jaws good. The louder the explosions the better. As for indy arty crap like that...that movie at the moment...American Beauty...CHRIST! you could dress up any middle age geek and get him to smoke dope. Whatta downer. A real pass. Only made money because of Spielberg.

4. Never take pitches before 11am. No way.
>

5. Be prepared. I still have a full head of hair WHY? Preparation. Learn from this. (or use it to your advantage...bruce willis need I say more)

6. People only learn through abuse. If you yell at them chances are they wont do it again. Who cares if they hate you as long as they DON'T bring you the wrong godamn sweetner?

7. Never go to meetings that can start with out you. The only meetings that you should ever go to are the ones that require your presence to proceed.

8.Sweet n Low = good.

9. Equal = BAD!! It's in the blue packet you idiot! It's not what I wanted, not what I needed and that shit isn't gonna work around here!!! Take a good look seeeeeeee blue packet. Fine.

10. You're going to need someone to answer the phones. There are soooo many film school grads out there. Pick one of them. Treat 'em mean. Loud and nasty. If they don't like it they can always go and work at Burger King. Here's an example of a complete no brainer...>

Okay. I've told you enough. (Unless you're a gorgous laydeeee with a name that begins with M...if so get your cute little butt over to my place about midnight)

Otherwise here are some links to help you on your way to becoming a movie mogul (bobby evans WISHES he were me)

Here's a test I put together for all aspiring moguls out there. If you fail you're out of the business of show before you even start. Am I clear? OK. Click here for the test. I would wish you luck, except for the fact that it would be a total waste of my time.

The film advertised below is a little something I put together...I play myself (although that guy in that American Beauty flick, whatisname...Kenneth Spacey...whatever - claims he was in it...that hack couldn't act his way out of a paper bag. I'm the real deal. (Although the ending of course was a little far fetched, don't think it wasn't based on an element of fact)

Hands free sets are a MUST have. Either you or your PA should get equipped with some now.