My E-mates and Other People
 

No, not a crowd of druggies, but a collection of people, both family and friends, whom I e-mail regularly (or whenever my conscience prods me).  They are all wonderful people, some of whom I've known for years, some I've only known a short time.

I've always enjoyed meeting new people - an activity that has become more difficult as MS kept me indoors a lot.  E-mail is, for me, the best invention of the modern age.  I was never very good at keeping in touch with people by letter (far too lazy) but e-mail has opened up the world to me again.  Not only can I stay in touch with my friends (who are now scattered far and wide) but I've also made new friends from Australia, USA and Europe (thanks to Jooly's Joint).  I'm not saying that I write page upon page to them (how boring!), but I do try to let them know I'm still alive and we share lots of laughs.

My e-mail address book is constantly growing and, though I don't write regularly to everyone on it, I am constantly in touch with about 25 people  To me, hearing my computer telling me I've got mail is one of the sweetest sounds.  Knowing that someone has been thinking about me enough to send me a note, even just a few lines to say 'hi!', is a terrific feeling.

I do know people who are not into computers and who rely on the old-fashioned methods of keeping in touch, e.g. by phone and in person.  These people mean just as much to me, nothing can compare to getting a real hug!

The Internet has also opened the world up to me in other ways, for instance, it was through the Internet that I met my boyfriend, Simon.  I had felt at times since my diagnosis that I may not find a partner (I'm sure many young MSers must feel like that), but one day (after thinking about it a lot) I decided that I would do something about it.  I had often giggled at personals ads in newspapers (as most people do) and had never heard of anyone meeting through one before.  I did not see myself as "desperate" or "sad", just lonely.  Before you start sniggering, please read our stories below.
 

Wendy's Story
(updated 11/10/02)
I placed an advert on Excite personals website on 20th July 2001 giving brief details of myself and mentioning that I had a disability, I didn't put a photo on it.  I didn't expect the response that I got to my ad, within 1 week I had 20 replies!  I was a little overwhelmed at first until I started to look through them.  I had one from India, one from the USA (check his website, I think you'll see why I wasn't interested) and one from Italy (mad football fan who wants to move to Dublin).  The rest were all from the UK and Ireland with a few from Belfast.

After that first week, one man was really standing out from the rest - Simon - and I began to feel something pretty special was going on.  For starters, he is a fellow iMac user, he is also fond of animals and is not mad about football!  I told him after a few days about my MS and his response to it was so frank and honest, I couldn't ignore my own feelings any longer.  I removed the ad and started to tell the others (in the nicest possible way of course) that I'd found what I was looking for.  Thankfully they all took it quite well.  I'd said in my ad that I'd like to get to know the person through e-mail before meeting them in person.  Simon was happy to do this and from the start, we were e-mailing each other at least once every day.  It was a wonderful way to get to know him and I'm glad we did this.  His personality shone through his e-mails and we were both able to write about things we had told no one before - neither of us could explain why we felt so comfortable, we just did!

After 3 weeks of this, we met on-line for a "chat".  We could have talked on the phone but, as we both felt that it would be a long conversation, this would not have been practicable for me.  Our "chat" lasted for 2 hours and by the end of it we had arranged to meet in person 2 days later. Our first date was unforgettable, 15th August 2001, a beautiful sunny day.  There was no awkwardness or "pregnant pauses", we talked non-stop for 5 hours!  It was a relief for me to find out that he was the same in person as he was in his e-mails.  I think we both knew by the end of the date that there was something special between us.  Simon walked me to the end of my street and leaving him there was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

14 months on, we are closer than ever and I can't imagine life without Simon.  We still e-mail each other occasionally, talk on the phone almost every day, exchange text messages and meet up as often as our lives allow it (which isn't often enough for either of us).  Simon is the best thing that has ever happened to me, he keeps me cheerful and positive and doesn't let the wheelchair (or any other symptoms I have) get in the way of us having a good time.

When we are together I can forget that I've got MS, Simon has a very relaxing influence on me and his patience calms my impetuous nature.  Through his care and support I have found ways to help counter some of my symptoms and stay calm when things start to get on top of me.  Simon helps me to put my perspective firmly on life and has shown me the true meaning of love.  I feel honoured to have a boyfriend who is such a kind, gentle, caring, generous and wonderful man.

As for the future ... well, no one knows for sure what will happen.  The one certainty in my life is that Simon and I will be together, he has given me a future to look forward to and has become my best friend.  Before you ask, yes I do know how lucky I am! :-)
 

Simon's Story
(updated 15/7/02)
Wendy has given you a brief introduction to our relationship, I now will add my bit.

I was off sick from work and was bored, the Excite Personals website caught my eye and I thought I would have a look just for the craic. Something drew me to Wendys ad and I sent her an e-mail. She wrote back and this continued until we met (we have since exchanged over 400 e-mails).

There was something so honest and genuine and lovely about her e-mails that had me captivated. We were complete strangers but still we seemed to get on so well. After a few e-mails Wendy told me that her disability was MS. I knew very little about MS but I was beginning to fall for Wendy no matter what. Our first meeting was on a glorious sunny day and I was very apprehensive as I really didn't know how I would handle meeting Wendy for the first time. We met and had lunch by the marina in Bangor and my first and lasting memory of our first date is when the tremors in Wendy’s left hand spilt her drink all over her scooter. Until that moment I didn't know how I would handle Wendy's MS.  I had grown very close to her and I would have hated myself if her MS had come between us. From that moment I was so very happy, I knew that it really was Wendy that mattered and her MS came a very distant second.
 

I have been lucky to have known Wendy now for almost 11 months. We have grown even closer and we spend as much time together as we can. I live for my days off when I can spend them with Wendy.

We also have been lucky to have spent a whole week away together. We rented a cottage in Dingle in County Kerry. It was in the middle of nowhere, the weather was crap but it was such a lovely holiday being able to wake up each morning next to Wendy.

Every time I meet Wendy is such a great pleasure for me and leaving is so painful. Soon I hope to never have to leave her again. Wendy needs a lot of care and I would be very honoured to be the one to look after her.

I can’t imagine my life without Wendy, the fact that she has MS means nothing to me I know that she has MS and I am fully aware of the effect that MS has on her. However to me Wendy is simply my lovely girlfriend and nothing else matters.